“I’ve been told by multiple people that you’re the shy one,” Tawson started. He let his eyes drift around Victor’s face. He had a shadow of stubble coming in but he wasn’t sure if that was from shaving or all that he could grow. His hair was a couple inches, long enough to run fingers through. “I just don’t see it.”
Victor cocked his hip against the counter and faced Tawson. They were standing pretty close, well within arm’s reach. “I like to consider myself reserved.”
“You haven’t been that reserved around me,” Tawsonpointed out. At least, he hadn’t felt like he was. He barely knew the guy, but he’d made Tawson laugh more than once and that wasn’t always the easiest accomplishment.
“Oh trust me, there’s a whole side of me you don’t know.” There was a strike of fear in his eyes when he said those words. “I mean, not that I’m that interesting or anything.”
Tawson narrowed his eyes and tilted his head just slightly. “Now I feel like you’re holding something back.”
“And you’ll have to pry that secret out of me on my death bed.” Victor stood up straighter and Tawson could tell he was getting uncomfortable with the attention turned to him. As weird as it was, he was enjoying Victor’s company. They matched each other with the teasing and quips yesterday and he’d jumped right in to help him this morning without even being asked.
“I’m not prying,” Tawson said. “But like you said earlier, if you need someone to talk to, I’m here too.”
They looked at each other and Tawson swore he could feel a different kind of attention building now. It was just an inkling but neither of them moved. Tawson watched Victor fidget, he licked his lips twice before speaking again. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
They locked eyes. Victor stepped closer. There was only a foot between them. Tawson knew, in the back of his mind, where this was about to go. And he wasn’t sure what that made him that he had no intention of stopping it.
“Are you…” Another lick of those lips. His eyes dropped down before he visibly steeled himself and locked eyes again. His eyes were a subtle blue. Calm. They had little flecks of green in them, close to his irises. “Into guys?”
He knew that was the question coming, but it still caught him off guard. His body was a mixture of emotions. Something drew him to Victor. The two conversations they’d had were easy and not forced at all. He was younger, though, by nearly a decade. And he was a student. He couldn’t risk making dumb decisions before he even started the first day of classes.
As if his body made the decisions before his mind could weigh the pros and cons, He reached out and tugged Victor closer to him. Their chests pressed together and their lips met immediately. They were just as soft as he imagined. Neither of them moved to deepen the kiss. They just stayed there, pressed together from lips to toes. Tawson’s hands loosened from Victor’s shirt and rested on his hips. Victor’s hands came up to cup either side of Tawson’s neck. He could feel Victor tilt his head up just slightly, adding pressure behind the kiss.
It was over within seconds. Tawson rested his forehead against Victor’s and they both stood there, breathing the same air. “We shouldn’t have done that.”
“Don’t.” Victor’s voice was low, but he could hear the pleading. “Please. That- That was only my second kiss so please don’t ruin the moment.”
Tawson closed his eyes. He licked his lips, the memory already seared into his brain. They still clung to each other. The words sank into his mind finally. Victor was barely experienced. Had he done more than kissing with another guy? Or did he mean this was only his second kiss with a guy, but there could be a line of girls he’d been with.
Victor let out a quiet noise and that was all Tawson needed to react. He spun them so Victor’s back was against the counter and he kissed him again. Hard. His hands moved to his hair while Victor’s went to wrap around his back. Victor partedhis lips this time and Tawson took the bait easily. His tongue slipped against Victor’s, exploring his mouth greedily. Victor did the same. They weren’t fighting for dominance but giving and taking evenly.
A moan broke the kiss and again, Tawson rested his forehead against Victor’s. The moan had come from Victor and Tawson was well aware of the bulge behind his jeans. They were breathing heavier now.
“That was-”
“The best,” Victor rushed to say. Tawson pulled his head back and he could feel Victor’s grip tighten on him, like he was afraid he was going to leave him. He should. He really should end whatever they’d just done. But damn, that kiss.
“I’m not leaving,” Tawson said. He moved his hands to grip Victor’s forearms and pull his hands away from his body. “But we do need to talk, Victor. That- That can’t happen again.”
Chapter Five
~ Victor ~
There was definitely a rule against kissing the new professor.
There was. But fuck, if Victor didn’t care. Tawson was right when he said that most people assumed he was reserved and quiet. He didn’t share a lot about himself, mostly because he was scared that someone would find out his secret and then give him that judging look. His family was accepting of different relationships, but he couldn’t bring himself to see how far that acceptance went. He was the son of a rancher, five-foot-ten, and liked to wear skirts and pictured himself in more traditionally feminine things. The contradiction was too much for him to feel comfortable.
Something about Tawson, though. The way they talked, joked. His smile. His whole persona just gave off calm and welcoming. Non-judgmental. When he opened the door yesterday, Tawson looked like he’d been crying. Victor could see the signs. He’d had a couple of panic attacks before. The first time was when he tried on the skirt for the first time. He’d cried himself to sleep that night. Then, again, whenhe came out to his best friend. Joe knew more than anyone else and while Joe was decidedly straight- after their brief experimenting- he was never judgmental. But that didn’t stop Victor from choking on air and Joe rubbing soothing circles along his back for hours after they’d slept together.
Victor and Tawson didn’t talk about it. Not on Sunday. Victor had to get to the main house and help his mom prep the food. He had the buns for the hamburgers and hot dogs in his car. Victor tried not to watch Tawson throughout the cookout, but he’d caught himself slipping a few times. Only once was Tawson looking back at him. He kept to himself, only talking when someone asked him a question. He kept replaying the kiss again and again in his head.
By the time he got back to campus and into the apartment, those moments were all that was on his mind. He stripped down and got in the shower, letting the memory wash over him like the water. He was hard in no time and whispered Tawson’s name as he came, splashing against the tiles of the floor. He didn’t know what he was doing. He did, but he didn’t understand why. Why was he attracted to the older guy? He was almost thirty and a teacher at his school. That alone should have been enough to not cross the line. But they clicked. Even in two short conversations. Maybe it was the vulnerability in his eyes when he’d opened the door. Victor could see himself in them. He wasn’t sure.
And he drove himself crazy the whole week thinking about it. Bouncing from regret to reminiscing. He went to his classes, made sure he had the books and items he needed. He was taking some intro classes mixed with a few more advanced that he’d tested into during the SATs. He didn’t have an English class this semester but he was still walking all around campus fromone class to the next. Him and Joe hung out when they could. Their classes clashed a bit, but they had Tuesday evenings and Thursday mornings free.
He invited Joe over on Tuesday to see the place. They ended up hanging out and Joe stayed over, sharing the bed with Victor. He’d woken up snuggled against Joe’s chest, content to stay there as long as he could. It wasn’t even about Joe, because he knew there was no attraction between them. Victor loved physical touch.
