He swallowed hard, bracing himself to take the first step to reach out. “I think I’m ready for those cookies now.”
And just like that she forgave him. She didn’t need any more than that to overlook everything he’d said and done over the last few months. Her heart was big enough to take all that abuse and still love without boundaries.
“Okay, baby.”
She swiped away a stray tear and busied herself, getting out all the ingredients as he sat down at the table on the other side of the large kitchen. Carrying everything in a mixing bowl to the table, she set them down in front of him. She remained quiet as she stirred the batter and then she slowly lifted her eyes to meet his.
“How was your trip?”
“It was…hard. I saw glimpses of what my life could be like…but it was just a dream. Yesterday I had to wake up.”
She still seemed wary that he might snap and didn’t push for more details. “Did you do what you needed to do?”
“No.” He shook his head helplessly. “I don’t know what I need to do to get over this, Mom.”
Time. Distance. Keeping it in. Letting it out. Nothing worked.
As if she couldn’t take the space between them anymore, she stopped mixing, walked towards him, and pulled him into a tight hug. She leaned down and kissed the top of his head, one handagainst his head and the other pressed to his chest. She didn’t tell him it was going to be okay. She didn’t try to comfort him with words. At that moment, all he wanted was to feel like he hadn’t lost everything and she gave him that. There were only three things in this world that one could never have too much of. A mother’s love was one of them.
Her tears moistened the top of his forehead, as if mere contact was enough to make her feel what he felt. Her hand caressed his chest, rubbing it like she knew it hurt. She always knew. She couldn’t take away the pain, but he wouldn’t keep punishing her for trying. It was time for a little redemption.
*****
Jasmin paid the cab driver and lugged her bags out of the car. She was back at the South Star in Yellowstone County and felt completely drained. Montana didn’t look the same. Snow covered the ground and tree branches were draped with thin layers of white. Crystals of dew glistened in the early morning sun, beautiful in its serenity. A winter wonderland. So much can change in a month. It was hard to believe that such a drastic transformation could happen in such a short time and yet she had undergone the same process. Nineteen years’ worth of experiences had been condensed into one month.
First time being on her own. First taste of freedom. First taste of alcohol. First kiss. First love. First heartbreak. The rollercoaster of emotions a person would normally experience during a two-year relationship was what she’d experienced with Kevin in just one month.
She’d tried to keep herself numb, not think about what he’d told her, but he’d always had a way of making her feel things she didn’t want to. She’d cried enough in the last few hours to compensate for every tear she hadn’t shed in the last few years.There was no one to blame but herself. She knew he couldn’t be trusted, but she went against every instinct. She hadn’t expected a relationship to blossom after their road trip, but she had been hoping that they would keep in contact, call once in a while. She foolishly thought that he cared about her enough for them to part ways as friends.
But he wanted nothing to do with her. She was just a distraction. She put a stop to her thoughts there because if she had to replay all the other things he’d said to her, she would burst into tears again. The trip as a whole had been amazing and she just needed to focus on all the good things that had happened instead of tainting it with the bad.
She lugged her bags back to her room and as she opened the door, she froze. She hadn’t been expecting to see him there. They were still two weeks away from Christmas Eve, but he was there, looking tired and weak. Dark rings encircled his eyes and they were heavy with exhaustion, as if he hadn’t slept in days. His black hair was disheveled and untidy, a sign of being ruffled too many times by impatient hands. His unkemptness was unfamiliar, making him look unrecognizable, not at all like the man who’d raised her.
There were two chairs in the room that weren’t there before and when his sad brown eyes met hers, he gestured to the empty chair in front of him.
“Sit down,” he said.
She declined with a quick shake of her head and moved her bags along the corridor to get to the bedroom.
“Jasmintha, sit down.” His voice was soft and calm, but the authority in his tone was an indication that he still saw himself as her father. The fact that she listened and nervously went to sit down on the chair in front of him confirmed that she felt the same way.
She didn’t know how this discussion was going to play out. This was her storm and she had to face it alone, but Kevin had taught her a few lessons during their time together.
Being different wasn’t a bad thing and she didn’t feel the obsessive need to be accepted anymore.
Despite her flaws, she had learned to love who she was, inside and out.
The validation of other people was nice, but not really necessary.
Feelings were there because they needed to be felt.
And this last one wasn’t an easy lesson to learn, but it was a vital part of growing up—she was strong enough to handle even the harshest form of rejection. She was ready for this talk, regardless of the outcome.
“You had me worried,” her father said. “I understand that you didn’t want to talk to me, but to not answer your phone for days was—”
“What difference does it make?” she cut in curtly. “If I didn’t call you, you wouldn’t have even known where I was or what happened because in the last month you only calledonce. Don’t pretend that you care.”
He cast his eyes to the floor, looking ashamed and hurt, and she realized that rude, abrupt retorts were another thing she’d learned from Kevin. That wasn’t the type of person she wanted to be.
