“You were never a burden to me,” he said quickly.
She couldn’t take his lies anymore. His words always contradicted his actions.
“I am,” she argued. “That’s why you’re never around…why you always make excuses to not spend time with me. If…if I were your real daughter…things would have been different. I’m sure you would have made the time if I weren’t some bastard child who was basically dumped on your doorstep.”
That stunned him into silence for a few moments. “How…” His voice was thick and strained, as if she’d just kicked him in the gut. “How can you say that?”
“Because it’s the truth! None of you ever cared about me. Not you. Not her. Not my real father, whoever the hell he is.”
“Bhajia, please listen to me…Your mother has a way of manipulating the truth and—”
She saw Kevin opening a door to one of the motel rooms and hung up. There were only so many lies she could bear. She didn’t even bother to take the bags out of the car, just marched straight past him and into the bathroom.
“Jasmin—”
She ignored him and slammed the door shut. Once she was inside, in a safe little cocoon, she slumped against the door andslid down to the floor. It came all at once. No buildup. No easing into it. It hit her with a cataclysmic force and she couldn’t stop it. For the second time in eight years, the second time on this trip—she cried. Hard, aching wails. Tears flowed ceaselessly. Eight years’ worth. Every broken promise. Every pitiful excuse. Every shattered dream. It flowed. Every meal she’d eaten alone. Every movie she’d watched by herself. Every Christmas decoration she’d hung up on her own. It flowed. Every nanny who left without a second thought. Every friend she never had. Every person who confirmed the same thing: she wasn’t worth their time. It flowed.
She’d conquered loneliness many years ago, but this wasn’t loneliness.
Desolate: to be deserted of people and in a state of bleak and dismal emptiness. That’s how she felt. Desolate.
She heard a thump and knew that Kevin had seated himself outside the door, just like he’d done outside that restroom in Utah. It took almost half an hour before her throat loosened enough for her to speak and she knew he hadn’t moved in that time.
“I wish I never drove down here, Kevin,” she said loud enough for him to hear her through the door. “I wish I just bought a plane ticket and came here completely oblivious. That way…I wouldn’t have met women like…Connie. She was working two jobs so Beth could go to college, remember?”
“I remember.”
“Or…like Loretta…who makes popcorn strings and hot chocolate for her kids…or like your mom…I haven’t met her, but she calls just to check in on you because she worries about you. I wish I didn’t know that before I walked into that boardroom. This would have been so much easier if I didn’t know what a real mother is supposed to be like.” She sighed heavily, thinking back on the conversation earlier. “She said I was a mistake.”
“You’re not.”
“She said that if she left me with my real father, I would’ve been a drug addict. She made it seem like she did me a favor, but the fact is that she still would have left me. It didn’t really matter who it was with. She just wanted to get rid of me.” With a slight groan, she knocked her head against the door. “At least I met one person who doesn’t treat me differently because I’m a genius. You know…I…I actually thought she’d be proud of me…Iwantedher to be proud of me.” The tears were starting up again. “I thought she’d say…my girl…my girl did all that. I thought she’d be proud of me.”
“You don’t need her validation, Jazz. She’s a douche.”
She stood up and when she opened the door, he was already standing as well. “She is a douche,” she agreed and his hand came up to her face to wipe the moisture off her cheeks.
“I want you to know that as soon as she opened her mouth, I scratched her off my cougar list.”
She gave him half a smile. “Do you regret it?”
“A little. But there are some sacrifices I’m willing make…Come here.” He pulled her towards him, encapsulating her in the strength of his arms—a pillar to lean on for a few heart-wrenching moments.
Lifting up onto her toes, she held him tighter and kissed him. Although hesitant, he kissed her back. She walked backwards until the back of her knees hit the bed, only breaking the kiss for the second it took to tug her sweater over her head.
“Jasmin…this was a really shitty day for you, but you need to find a way of dealing with what happened. Sex isn’t going to solve anything.”
“I know. Tomorrow…I’ll think about it tomorrow.” Her hands went to his jeans, unfastening the button and tugging down the zip. “But tonight…I want you to wrap me in your arms and make it go away. Tonight I wanna feel like nothing else existsexcept you.” She caught the edges of his sweatshirt and he lifted his arms so she could pull it off. “I know you don’t love me, Kevin…but for tonight…can you make me feel like you do?” She squeezed her eyes tight in a vain attempt to hold back the tears and pressed her mouth against his chest. “Can you do that?”
He pushed slightly, gently easing her onto the bed. “Yeah,” he whispered, brushing his lips against hers. “I can definitely do that.”
And he did. All night.
December, 5
Atlanta, Georgia
The last few days hadn’t been easy. The day after she’d met her mother, Jasmin had driven from that small motel to the South Star Hotel in Georgia. With all these unwanted feelings swirling inside her, she just wanted to be surrounded by something familiar. She was still struggling to get a hold of herself, but at least here she knew what to expect—the food, the service. Something small, but it was the only thing in her life that she felt she had some control over.
