“Then I suggest you leave. I don’t want a scandal. My husband can’t find out about you. I’m happily married now and I don’t want the mistakes from my past coming back to bite me.”
Jasmin took a second to process that. She’d played this meeting out in her head a million times. Sometimes it was wonderful, hugs and kisses and imaginable joy. But she’d also been realistic and envisioned that her mother would admit that she’d abandoned her because she hadn’t been ready to raise a child. They would talk about it and part ways amicably. But never in all her musings had she seen herself as a mistake.
“I-I wouldn’t be a scandal,” Jasmin began with a wobbly voice. “I’m really not a problem child. I don’t do drugs or party excessively. I’m respectful…If you just got to know me…” She had always tried to hide her intelligence from others, but now she wanted to tell her mother all of it so she would see that she wasn’t an embarrassment. “I’m smart. I’m really smart. I’m going to be heading up a research department next year and—”
“I know all about your science projects.”
With one sentence all her achievements were diminished to mere science projects. Kevin’s eyes were darting between the two of them and even though his thumb was pressing harder against hers, he remained quiet.
“And I’m sure you’re a great kid,” Jayshree continued. “But Rajan warned me to never contact you again.”
That got her attention. “What do you meanagain? You tried before?”
“Yes, when you were younger, but he told me to stay out of your life. I tried again this year and he told me he’d expose me if I went anywhere near you. I have a colorful past, Jasmintha, one I’d like to keep hidden from my husband. I never thought Rajan would resort to blackmail, but that’s the game he’s chosen to play. I was willing to tell Amit about you, but Rajan said he would tell him about your father and that would expose my entire past. I can’t have that.”
Kevin’s fingers tightened around hers and she heard his breathing elevate with her own. Her mind was reeling now. She was hot and flustered and on the verge of losing her mind. “What are you talking about?!” She didn’t mean to shout. It just came out that way. “Rajan is my father.”
Jayshree’s eyes widened a little, but she still maintained her calm and collected composure. “After ourdiscussionthis year, I thought he would have told you the truth.” She sighed and shook her head. “Your father is a druggie and filthy con-artist, whichis why I left you with Rajan in the first place. God knows what would have happened to you if I left you with your real father. You would have ended up on the streets, sniffing coke and spreading your legs for anyone who would pay for it.”
Tears brimmed in her eyes but she didn’t allow them to fall. “You’re lying.”
“Jasmin,” Kevin said softly from beside her, “we should go.”
She stood up and banged her fist on the table. “You’re lying! He wouldn’t have kept that from me. He wouldn’t have raised me by himself for nineteen years if he wasn’t my real father.”
“If you don’t believe me, just ask him.” Her tone indicated that she was done with this conversation. “And your friend is right. You should leave. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am and I will not allow this to ruin my marriage. I finally have the life I wanted. I’m not scrounging for food, not begging for money. I’m not living paycheck to paycheck and that’s because of Amit. Understand, Jasmintha, it’s not that I don’t care about you. There are just other things I care about more.”
She said it in the same cold, unfeeling tone and Jasmin couldn’t bring herself to believe that she cared at all.
“C’mon, Kevin,” she said with as much calmness as she could muster. She waited for him to stand up as well, then gave her mother a tight smile. “Thank you for your time, Mrs. Kapoor.”
She left the boardroom and headed straight for the elevators. Kevin kept worried eyes on her as they traveled back down to the ground floor. She marched out of the building and down the stairs to her car. He barely closed the door before she zoomed away from the curb. She was unwinding, unravelling at the speed of light. How was it possible that she was considered to be a genius and yet her brain couldn’t seem to wrap around anything that just happened? How was it possible that she knew the ins and outs of biochemistry and yet she couldn’t understand something as simple as her father not being her father? She justneeded time to process it, that’s all. Just a few hours and she would be able to make sense of it and then this pain would go away.
“Jasmin,” Kevin said apprehensively, “whatever the fuck you’re doing in your head, just stop it. Just…just let yourself feel it. It’s okay to feel it.”
She ignored him because he didn’t know what he was talking about. What exactly did he want her to feel? Was it rejection? Betrayal? Abandonment? Or the fact that her own mother saw her as a mistake? Because, really, if that’s what he was referring to, she would prefer being numb. She zipped through traffic, weaving her way through the cars.
“Jasmin, slow down.”
She noticed that he was tense, gripping onto the seat, but she couldn’t ease her foot off the accelerator. She just wanted to put as much as distance as she could between herself and a foolish dream she’d once had.
“Slow down…please.”
It was only when she heard the fear in his voice that she came to her senses. He’d been in a traumatic car accident and she was speeding like a maniac.
“I’m sorry.” She took her foot off the pedal and slowed down to below the speed limit. She needed to get off the road because she was in no state to be driving. It took eight minutes before she spotted a motel and she immediately turned right into the parking lot. She took out her cell phone and handed her knapsack to Kevin.
“Check us in,” she said, opening the door.
She waited for him to be out of earshot before she frantically scrolled through her phone for the number she wanted.
“Hello, Bhajia.”
His happy tone immediately set her off. How could he be happy when he’d been lying to her for nineteen years? “So is thatwhy you didn’t want me to talk to her? Because you didn’t want me to find out that you’re not my real father?”
She couldn’t see his face, but his breathing became heavier. “Jasmintha, what did your mother tell you?”
“Everything! So many lies, Da—” She stopped herself because she didn’t know what to call him anymore. “You blackmailed her so that she wouldn’t contact me. That should have beenmychoice…But it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t want me anyway.” Her voice was beginning to crack, squeaking with the emotion she was trying to bury. “I was just a burden to her…and you.”
