“That depends on how you look at it.”
“I know what happened,” Alaric conceded. “And I live with that every single day.”
“As do I,” his uncle said, his tone turned sharp. “Your wife’s death was unfortunate. And your father’s death…” His lip curled. “Just as much. But where you were happy to hide away in your castle and pretend that the world did not matter, I was the one who cleaned up your mess.”
“I know that, Uncle, but –”
“It tookyears, Alaric,” he spoke over him. “Years until people were willing to forget. To announce you as an eccentric, it is better to be left alone and forgotten than pondered on. Our name came this close –” His held his forefinger and thumb together, pressing them in tight. “—to being utterly destroyed, a thing to be mocked and blacklisted from the ton. It was all I could do to keep our heads above water.”
“And I understand that, Uncle,” Alaric assured him, taken aback slightly by the sudden aggression his uncle was showing him. “Just as I have thanked you for all you have done.”
“Thanked me by putting our family in the same danger a second time, you mean.”
“That is not…” Alaric’s jaw tightened again, and he breathed deep to keep his composure. “I share your concerns, Uncle – dammit, that is why I had you send Clara away in the first place! Yet I have been considering thewhyof it these past two days, and I simply cannot reckon with what I have done.”
“You do not have to reckon with anything,” he said. “Just know you did it for her. That should be enough.”
“Did I, though?” Alaric pleaded. “I want to believe that it was for Clara that I sent her away and yet…” His expression turned pleading to match his tone, the desperation seeping from him in a way he hated having to do in front of his uncle, but was left with no choice. “And yet it does not feel as justified as I might like. I worry about her.”
“She is doing perfectly fine,” his uncle said as he reached out and rested a hand on Alaric’s shoulder. “If that is the cause of this sudden rebellion, rest assured that it is unwarranted.” He gave the shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I have just been to see her in fact –”
“You have?”
“I have.” His smile was soft and sympathetic. “Believe me when I tell you, she bears you no ill will. In fact, she was relieved that I had come to her, that I had told her the truth. Grateful, in fact.”
“She… she was?” Alaric felt a pang in his stomach as if it might tear from his body and flee him.
“You cannot pretend that your marriage was a happy one, Alaric,” he sighed as if the thought upset him. “And where these last few days might have you looking back on it with an exaggerated fondness, I will remind you of just how troublesome and filled with woe your relationship was.”
“I…” Alaric gave his head a shake. “It was not like that.”
“Her Grace seems to think it was,” he said. “A few days left to herself, and when I saw her just now, she was…” He grimaced and squeezed Alaric’s shoulder a little more tightly. “Truthfully, she was thrilled at the chance to start a new life. She understands why you wished to see the back of her, and she was simply glad that you made the decision for her. Saving her the trouble of having to do so herself.”
“No…” Alaric thought he might be sick. “That is not… that cannot be true.”
“She did not love you,” he said. “Just as you do not love her. You think you do, letting yourself believe this mistruth because of some misplaced sense of guilt. But believe me when I say that the two of you are better off. Again, Her Grace could not be more certain of that fact.”
Alaric felt his legs trembling. Or perhaps it was the earth beneath him shaking as if it might open and swallow him whole. All this time, he had been so convinced that he had wronged Clara and that, given the chance, she would choose him – that she felt for him what he now knew he felt for her.Was I wrong this whole time? Could I really be so stupid as to think she might care for me? As if I were one who could ever deserve such a thing.
“I…” He stumbled back, shaking his head. “I would hear it from her.”
“Alaric –”
“I would hear it from her,” he snapped at his uncle. “If what you say is true, let her be the one to tell me. I want to look her in the eyes and hear it on her own tongue.”
“Are you certain that is such a good idea?”
“No,” Alaric admitted. “I am not. But I need it, Uncle. Just as I need to see her one final time.”
His uncle looked none too pleased by this demand, and Alaric could see him working through a fresh argument to try and dissuade him. But there would be no dissuading him, and he fixed his uncle with a determined, angered scowl to let him know it. Alaric was not a boy anymore; he was not one to be bullied or spoken down to. And where he had always respected his uncle, he would happily burn through the respect if he must.
“So be it,” his uncle sighed finally. “If that is what you require for closure, who am I to say no?”
“Thank you.” Alaric breathed a sigh of relief. “Take me to her. I am certain that whatever happens, it will not take long to –”
“Not a good idea, I am afraid,” his uncle interrupted. “If things do go the worst, as I am sure they will, it will not do for you to know where she is. I am still in the process of finding her more permanent lodgings, meaning that she will be kept where she is for some weeks yet. And where I know you do not wish to hear this…” He made sure to be looking right at Alaric. “For her own safety, I do insist you not be made privy to her whereabouts.”
“That is not…” Alaric shook his head. “Is that not a little extreme?”
