Chapter Thirty-Six
Bari
I’d thought that the timely arrival of our dinner order was going to allow us to return the conversation to other less personal and hopefully more lighthearted topics now that Ahearn seemed settled, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.
My first fork of rice froze in mid-air when Ahearn spoke.
“I told you why I petitioned for the damned writ,” he said calmly. “Why did you agree to come back when you were so sure that I had such a nefarious intent?”
My fork clattered to the plate beneath it, sending rice scattering onto the table. “What?”
Ahearn frowned. “If you thought I was going to kill you, why would you agree to come back?” he asked, apparently thinking that rephrasing the question would help.
I lifted my fork and scooped more rice, ignoring what was already scattered around my plate. “Because I dishonored my vows to you and you are entitled to take vengeance for my transgressions.” Proud that I’d made it through the response, I chewed my rice that was suddenly bland and tasteless.
Ahearn’s frown deepened. “I don’t understand.”
I tried to hold back my sigh, but he clearly noticed it.
“It can wait,” he said with an apologetic smile. “You must be starving. Eat.”
We finished our meal in relative silence after that, save for the occasional polite comment about the food. When I stood to clear the mess, Ahearn joined me, reclosing the containers of leftover food and placing them in the refrigerator while I rinsed the plates and stacked them in the dishwasher.
When we were done, I hesitated, unsure what Ahearn was expecting next. Then he held his hand out to me and waited patiently until I placed mine in it.
“We need to finish the conversation,” he said, his voice firm but calm.
“Very well,” I sighed, allowing him to lead me back to the sofa.
Ahearn stoked the dwindling fire and added a few more small logs before joining me, sitting with his body twisted so he could see my face.
“The reason that you gave,” he began, clearly seeing no reason to begin the conversation anew when he could simply pick up where we’d left off. “The violation of your vows. What did you mean?”
My cheeks blazed hotter than the flames in the fireplace and I had to rest my palms on my knees to stop my hands from trembling. “You’re aware that I’ve had relations with Petroh,” I mumbled, unable to hold Ahearn’s gaze.
“Before my accident?” Ahearn asked, his voice stiff. “He was your lover?”
“No!” My eyes darted up to find Ahearn watching me intently. “Certainly not!”
Ahearn cocked his head. “So, you refer to when he visited the manor, while you were carrying the twins?”
I nodded miserably.
“And for that you felt that I have the right to expect your life to be forfeit?”
“Of course,” I agreed promptly. “And I understand if you have changed your mind now that you understand the law. You will not have committed any crime.”
Ahearn reached over and lifted my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. “You still believe I want to kill you?”
“Want to, no,” I admitted. “But I understand the need for vengeance.”
Ahearn groaned, rubbing his hand down his face. When he took it away, I was struck by the fact that he looked older since his accident. “I have no need for vengeance, no thirst for your blood, Bari,” he finally said. “I bear no grudge against you. Through no fault of your own you were placed in an impossible situation when you were at your most vulnerable.”
“Still..”
Ahearn interrupted me. “There is no continuation of the argument, Bari,” he said firmly. “I told you shortly after I was released from the hospital that I wouldn’t provide physical comfort to you. Comfort that I was well aware you couldn’t live without. I even specifically told you to find an Alpha for hire, did I not?”
The slightest bit of hope flared in my chest, immediately doing battle with the shame and self-loathing that had been lodged there since I’d allowed Petroh to pleasure me. When Ahearn cleared his throat, I realized that I still hadn’t answered him.
