“I’m sorry.”
It was all Charlie had. She couldn’t say anything else to make this hurt less. She couldn’t apologize for her chemistry with Demi. That was the thing they had discovered at first sight.
“You don’t apologize when you find a love like that,” Lauren whispered. Lauren pointed to the back of the house. “Now that nigga, he gon’ be apologizing for a long time, but you didn’t owe me shit. I wasn’t married to you. I know I punishedyou when I found out. I was wrong, Charlie. It was a knee-jerk reaction, and I’m woman enough to say that.”
Charlie was still dealing with the repercussions of the sex tape Lauren had leaked. Images of her body, of she and Demi, were distributed online forever, and Charlie wanted to speak on it, but she chose her battles.
“I really want to hate you, but sitting here with you, that’s not what I feel,” Lauren admitted. Lauren sighed and shook her head. “Life is so damn messy.”
“Hella messy,” Charlie agreed.
“I didn’t sleep with Demi, Charlie,” Lauren said. She could see the relief instantly. It was all in Charlie’s body language. “We’re family, and we’ll always be family, so my door is always open to him, but he slept in his son’s bed. I don’t play the back and forth games. I don’t desire to play any games over a man. I want peace, and I demand respect, and I want my son to be happy and in safe hands when he is at your house. He is a child. He doesn’t understand why his life has changed. He just knows it did, and you have to be patient with him about how he feels because whether you meant to or not, you came in and changed his entire world.” Lauren wanted to blame Charlie. She wanted to be cruel. She wanted to be stubborn. She wanted to hate this girl, but there was an aura about Charlie that didn’t allow her to commit to that. Not over a man. Enough women hated other women over the decisions niggas made.
Charlie nodded. “I want him to feel comfortable with me, but he isn’t. He’s your son. He’s loyal to you, so being nice to me, being okay with me being in his father’s life won’t be acceptable if it’s not okay with you.”
“I’ve earned the right to take my time with this, Charlie. I need time to get to know the woman you are and not the woman that I assumed you were,” Lauren said. Lauren scoffed and shookher head. “Nobody marries with the thought that divorce might come one day. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through, and it’s hard not to place blame in your lap, but then you come here, and you’re so damn organic with him.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Charlie said.
“You free him, Charlie! As the woman who has loved him for her whole adult life, it’s beautiful to see him engage in the world. He was my husband, but he was suffocating, and I think that damage happened long before me. For so long Demi wanted to sterilize everything, even his emotions and loving you is complicated and messy and he just allows it. At some point, I got to be woman enough to stop fighting for a man that’s not for me. I want to find who is for me.”
“I’m not a bad person,” Charlie said softly.
“No, I don’t think you are,” Lauren answered. She didn’t smile. She couldn’t and Charlie knew why. This was the moment of acceptance. This was the official end of Lauren and Demi. The divorce had just been paperwork. This sit-down was the reality check.
Lauren stood and gathered her soiled tissues, moving hastily, like she just couldn’t be in Charlie’s presence much longer.
“You can tell your sister that she can have her client list back,” Lauren said.
Charlie stood too. “I’ll let Demi know you’re waiting,” Lauren said.
Before Lauren left the kitchen, Charlie stopped her. “Lauren?”
Lauren turned back to her.
“How did you know you were ready to be a mother?” Charlie asked.
“You’re never ready, Charlie. You never know what you’re doing until you’re doing it. It will always feel scary, it will always feel like the most serious job you’ve ever taken on. It’s terrifying. Every second of it, but it’s the purest and most consistent loveyou will ever possess. It’s the only love you’ll ever possess. I was young when I had DJ, and I remember feeling like I never wanted to live without Demi. Well, I’m now living without Demi, but the love that we curated, I’ll never lose because of our son. The best parts of us are him. If you feel like you can live without that, then do it, go through with the abortion. But if you know that this is it for you, if you know that this is a love that you want to keep or if you know that you’re going to end up wondering what if, one day, then choose wisely. Whatever you do, make the decision that’s true to your heart. Not what he wants, but whatyouwant.”
Charlie was so grateful for that piece of advice. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Yeah, well, if you have that baby, we’ll be connected through our children, so…” Lauren shrugged and then walked out the room.
Somehow this disaster of a day felt like a resolution or, at the very least, the beginning of one.
Demi bent the corner, and he stood against the cabinet.
“You can’t do this again,” Charlie said. “You can’t abandon me when things get tough.”
“You got to follow your own advice, Bird,” he replied. “A baby makes it hard, not impossible. Why didn’t you go through with it?”
“Because, if you were going to leave, I needed a piece of you that I could keep,” she answered. Suddenly Lauren’s logic made so much sense. “You can’t use your love and your presence as leverage when my wants don’t match yours, though. That’s not cool. Nothing about that is fair.”
“You’re right,” he said. “I can’t even say shit because you’re right. I gave up a lot for this with you.”
“Is that why you came here? Because you regret it?” She asked.
“I came here because it felt like you ain’t want a nigga, Bird,” Demi admitted.
