His conflict was directly tied to her emotions. Her tears anchored the heaviness in his chest. When she worried, he worried. When she felt ill, Demi mysteriously would develop symptoms. When her heart broke, his did as well. He felt everything for her, with her, because he loved her and all he could do was console her because he had a feeling that he had put that fear there. Something he had done, something that had gone unspoken, some boundary that had been crossed, some issue that had gone unaddressed, had made her fearful of being tied to him forever.
“Okay, Bird,” he whispered. It was like Lauren wasn’t even standing there. This was the kind of bond that motivated love songs. Lauren wanted to be mad, but how could she?They hadn’t shared anything close to what this was. Demi massaged his knuckles into the back of Charlie’s neck and Charlie seemed to comply as if a hypnotist had removed her free will, as if his touch was enough to heal everything that had brought her here. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
“Just bring her in, Demi,” Lauren said, voice cracking slightly, because while she acknowledged the love, she couldn’t understand why she had never been able to break through to this emotionally intelligent version of her ex-husband.
“Lo, now ain’t the time. I’ma get out of here…”
“I’ve been with you for two days. I don’t need to talk to you. I’m talking to her,” Lauren said.
“Mannnn,” Demi groaned. “Say, man, do this really seem like the best idea right now? This shit can only go left.”
“It’s fine, Demi,” Charlie said. “We can talk. Maybe we got to go left before things will be right.”
Demi sighed as he stuck his nose in Charlie’s locs and inhaled deeply. These few days had felt like forever. He was appreciative for even her scent.
“I’m okay,” Charlie said.
“Why don’t you go check on DJ? We can handle ourselves,” Lauren suggested.
“That’s what the fuck I’m afraid of,” Demi mumbled.
“We’re fine, baby,” Charlie confirmed. That ‘baby’ took a piece of Lauren’s soul, and Charlie realized the insensitivity of the nickname as soon as she said it. Demi was her baby, her love, and the expression of that was salt on a wound for Lauren. Her entire existence was a sore spot for Lauren. Just the mention of her name ruined Lauren’s day sometimes. Charlie felt a way about that. Being the source of another woman’s pain wasn’t a compliment. It was a curse, one that karma would swing back her way one day. Maybe all this crying over Demi these past fewdays was the beginning of the curve for the way tables would turn.
Demi was hesitant to leave, but as loud as the argument at the door had been, he knew he had some explaining to do with his son.
“Easy, Lo,” Demi warned.
“Easy is a privilege of the content, Demi. You made this hard when you cheated,” Lauren replied. “So we got to get through this part, one way or another.” Lauren wasn’t backing down. She had heat on her chest for Ms. Charlie and Demi knew of all the people he could protect Charlie from, Lauren wasn’t one of them. In order to protect Charlie from his past, he would have to leave it unaddressed, or hide it, or conceal truths, or keep his family divisive in a way that would only blow up on him later. Nah, this was the moment of reckoning, the hour of hard truths. He had to let the women of his life come to terms with what had taken place. The scariest thing in the world for a man was to let his lies meet the truth. He had to man up and let the cards fall where they may.
Demi gritted his teeth before walking away. He had brought these two women into one another’s lives. One bore his child; the other was growing his seed in real-time. He couldn’t win by interjecting himself into their conversation.
“Handle her carefully, Lo. This ain’t her fault.”
“Demi,” Charlie said, stopping him. She was a big girl. She could handle her own. “Go check on DJ.”
“Fucking bullshit, man,” he grumbled as he stalked out of the room.
Charlie had been in plenty of tense situations, but this one had her nerves bad because she knew she was technically the bad guy. There wasn’t many moments in her life where her character had been put on the line, but in this threesome, character was measured on a curve. Was love justificationenough for the hurt she and Demi had caused? Lauren had every right not to respect her, to hate her, but for some reason, it was essential to Charlie to have her side of the story heard.
Charlie felt like she was taking the stand as she sat across from Lauren. The kitchen table kept them at arm’s reach of one another. She felt like she was under a microscope, the way Lauren inspected her. Her eyes were dark like storm clouds were approaching, and there was a forecast for rain. Hurricanes of mixed emotions swirled in her tense stare. Charlie didn’t know if she saw resentment, pity, or disgust in Lauren. Perhaps all three things were invisible guests at this showdown.
“How far along are you?” Lauren asked. Her tone was curt, like she didn’t really want to know, but she couldn’t help herself.
“Nine weeks,” Charlie whispered. A tear fell with that admission, and Lauren stood to retrieve a box of Kleenex from her kitchen counter. “Here.”
Charlie accepted it without a word.
“I don’t appreciate you coming here uninvited and I don’t appreciate the way you spoke to my son. You lack boundaries, Charlie. That little boy is mine and Demi’s; if you have a problem with his behavior, you come to us. You don’t…”
“I lost my temper, I know,” Charlie interrupted. “There’s no excuse for that, but my frustration is really with you.”
“With me?” Lauren asked. “You’re a bold-ass bitch, little girl. You steal my husband…”
“I didn’t steal that man, Lauren!” Charlie shouted. She was sick of that narrative that Lauren kept spinning. It was inflammatory and a half truth that made people develop assumptions about Charlie before meeting her. “Stop telling yourself that, and more importantly, stop telling DJ that shit. It’s bullshit, and you know it. If we want to call a spade a spade, fine, I’ll throw out my dirt. I got involved with Demiwhile y’all were still married, but I had no idea. There was no ring on his finger when I met him. I’m sitting here in your house, in your face telling you the truth. I don’t have a reason to lie to you about that part or to lie to save face because, trust me, Demi isn’t my biggest indiscretion. You saw the blogs a year ago. Niggas have used me up. They’ve tried to pimp me, they’ve degraded me, they’ve beaten me, drugged me. I’ve done a lot more embarrassing shit besides sleep with a fine-ass married man,” Charlie said. The pain was visible but, more evidently, heard. It creaked out of her like she was walking back and forth on the wooden floorboards of a plantation. The songs of pain those floorboards would sing sounded a lot like this. Charlie had been through a lot in her short life, and as a woman, Lauren felt it. It was like her little sister was sitting across from her revealing all her shame. Only Lauren couldn’t console her because this woman was one she had hated many nights. Lauren’s heart was pulled in two different directions. Resentment had one end of the rope, and empathy had the other. As much as she resented Charlie, she couldn’t help but see the beauty in this transparency. She was a young woman owning her flaws so that no one could use them against her. It had taken Lauren a long time to learn that type of accountability. Charlie wore it openly, unapologetically, and beautifully. Lauren hated that she saw something remarkable in Charlie. It was almost like an energy. Her petite frame hid a warrior’s spirit and in that moment Lauren understood why Demi was so taken by this girl.
“I didn’t know about you, and if I did, I would have never breathed in that man’s direction. Ever. I don’t get down like that. My mama’s heart was a Monopoly game for a nigga just like Demi. Playing games. Coming and going. He cheated on her repeatedly and left her for his mistress. He’s married to thatwoman to this day. I have to look at her every time I want to see my father. And you know what? That heartbreak killed my mama. So no, I did not know. I wouldn’t have willingly participated in destroying a family.” Charlie spoke passionately, emotions coming out like someone had picked a scab off a wound. It was Lauren who was reaching for tissue now. “Or you. I wouldn’t have destroyed another woman knowingly. I’m sorry, Lauren. If I could go back and do things differently, I would, but I can’t. I’m in love with him now and you out of anybody, know how that feels. I can’t let that go to fix what was done. Nothing will fix what happened. All I can do is apologize for my part. You can either accept it or not.”
Lauren nodded, sniffling as she wiped at her wet face. “I have hated this image of you that I built in my head. I’ve spent so much time blaming you, and that’s not entirely fair.” Lauren took the back of her hand and rubbed her nose, then grabbed another Kleenex. “I mean, the way he touches you—” Lauren’s voice cracked. “I was with him for 15 years, and he has never touched me like that. He loves all over you, even though it makes him uncomfortable.” She scoffed. “I don’t even know the man he is with you. I tailored everything for him. Did everything to try to get the type of comfort level he has with you. Seeing you two together hurts, but it’s freeing too, you know?”
