But Patrick didn’t take the bait. “It was all bullshit. Half the time they were models using me for exposure for their own careers. Everyone using everyone. Except you.” He captured my mouth in a fierce kiss. “Never you.”
I should be stronger, less submissive, but all I could do was return his kiss with the same fervor and wish it could last forever.
Breathing heavily, Patrick held on to me. “Maybe I was trying to recreate what we had with everyone else, thinking if I gave it time, or tried hard enough…” He shook his head. “But you can’t force something that never existed in the first place. And nothing and no one has ever replaced you.”
Knowledge without true insight was a facade. It was apparent in how they presented Patrick’s off-field persona, Trick Sloane, who the press claimed wildcatted around with models and starlets. They stressed his love life as much as his football prowess—at times even more. But that wasn’t real. He was a dedicated professional. A son who loved his parents and wasgrateful for all they did for him. And a lover unparalleled, who left me in a puddle of pleasure every time we kissed.
“Are you saying you never loved your exes?” We hadn’t ever delved deep into Patrick’s past relationships, but maybe now was as good a time as any.
“I thought I did.” He released me, frowning, and leaned against the kitchen island. “We laughed a lot, had fun together, and I wanted to be with them. The sex was good, and I liked having someone to come home to.” He folded those powerful arms and cast his gaze to the floor. “But playing football was just as important. It didn’t come second. My personal life melted into the professional until it was impossible to separate the two.”
“And no one likes to be second best. Especially to a football.” I appreciated how he didn’t lay the blame totally on his ex-wives.
“No. But that didn’t mean they had to lie, cheat, or spend my money like I owed it to them. That’s where it all broke down.” He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s hard to learn to trust after you’ve been burned. But not with you. I trust you with my business, but more importantly, my biggest secret.”
“I’ll never do anything to jeopardize your life, but we hardly know each other.”
His face hardened, dark eyes glittering with anger. “Hardly know each other? What don’t you know? My favorite pizza topping? What my favorite song is? That doesn’t make us closer.” Two long strides brought him nose to nose with me. “I know you, Fallon. How you always make sure I have everything I need without me asking or even knowing what I want. You took care of my parents and gave my mother the best birthday ever—she’s still talking about it to her friends—because you know how important she is to me. I know how you watch out for your friends, even to your detriment.”
I trembled at his fierceness, captivated by his words and passion. “I do it because I care.”
Patrick skimmed his fingers along my jaw. “Yeah. But if you think I don’t know you, you’re wrong. You have a little frown line that pops up on your brow whenever you’re concentrating. I know how you love when I play with your hair. You turn pink all over right before you come, and your lashes flutter.” He nuzzled into my cheek. “You love to suck my dick in the shower.”
Face burning, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight. “Patrick, stop.”
He continued, stroking my back. “But I also discovered sometimes you cry out at night like the devil is chasing you, and it makes me so damn mad that you were hurt and had no one to help you.”
Shocked, I stared at him. “I-I what? Cry in my sleep?”
He kissed my cheek. “Yeah. I figured if you needed to talk about it, eventually you would. Because I know you miss your brother, and I wish I could make it better for you.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. You know all my secrets.”
“Fal,” he said gently. “Don’t be ashamed. Everyone lives with nightmares.”
“Oh, yeah?” I challenged him. “Even you? What’s yours? What’re you afraid of?”
“Being alone forever.”
His honesty hit me like a punch to the stomach, and I met his eyes. “Sometimes you can be surrounded by people and still be invisible. I understand.” More than he knew. I’d grown up with parents who didn’t know me and never cared to try.
“Toward the end of both my marriages, we’d sit across the table from each other, resentful, in dead silence. It was hard to believe there was ever love between us, and I couldn’t think of asingle word to make them stay.” He paused. “When I discovered the cheating, I realized I didn’t want to work on something irrevocably broken, and I filed for divorce. In the end, all I felt was relief when my marriages were over.”
The breakdown of anything that was once a significant part of your life was hard. And marriage, no matter how short, was as significant a relationship as one could get.
“That’s sad. I’m sorry. Even if you knew it wasn’t working out, it’s still hard.”
“I should’ve known it wouldn’t last. I wanted love like my parents have. You saw them together. They’re not like that. I grew up with them very involved in my life—we talked about everything.”
“Not everything,” I said pointedly, and he flushed.
“Yeah, well…there’s that.”
“Why haven’t you told them? Are you afraid of how they’ll react?”
He nibbled on his bottom lip. “I want to say no, but I’d be lying. And before you ask, no, my parents aren’t homophobic. But I also know it’s easy to say you’re liberal and support gay rights when it doesn’t personally affect you. I can’t be sure how they’ll feel if I tell them I’m bisexual and that I have a male lover.”
While he did have a point, I usually had a good sense of people and didn’t get that vibe from Lori or Don. But I certainly wasn’t the right person to discuss proper parenting.
