My head hung low, pounding as if hockey players were taking slap shots against my brain. “I was the stupid one to think you love your child automatically. All I ever wanted was a relationship with you. But that has to go both ways, and you just don’t give a damn.”
“There was no way Greg could’ve split himself in two.”
Again, Mariel injected herself into the conversation. I wished I had the balls to tell her to shut up and fuck off.
“He was working so hard out here, he couldn’t possibly be in two places at once. And I didn’t want to confuse our children. They were too little to understand why you’d come and go.”
Ignoring her, I hoped my father was at least still listening. “Children grow up and become adults. We could’ve been close if you’d given us a chance. God knows, you weren’t the only divorced father in California. I would’ve loved to have a brother and sister.”
“I’m sorry.”
I blinked several times. “What?” Surely, I must’ve misheard him.
“I’m sorry. No, Mariel, let me speak. You’re right. I let Mariel take the reins in our marriage because it was easier for me. I also wanted to wipe away the guilt of my affair. I cheated on your mother, and seeing you reminded me of it.”
What a weakling. I snorted. “So you figured out of sight, out of mind. Meanwhile, all these years, I thought it was me. I hope you’re happy that your legacy gave me the inability to trust people.”
“But you have a…boyfriend?”
“Yeah.” As if he could see me, I picked up Ronan’s hand and laced our fingers together tightly. “In case you didn’t figure it out, I’m gay.”
“I don’t have a problem with that, Gabriel,” he said softly, and it made me even angrier.
“Oh good, because I was worried. But I wasn’t looking for your approval. Mom has never been anything but supportive. And she loves Ronan.” When Ronan smiled and rested his head on my shoulder, I was complete. “Almost as much as I do. I’m lucky he sticks by me and lets me work through all the crap in my head. When I called, it was to let you know I was here and wouldn’t turn you away if you ever decided to pick up the phone and call me to try and connect. But now…” I shook my head. “I don’t think I care anymore. Good-bye.”
I disconnected the call, and we sat for several minutes; being together in one space was all we needed. Ronan rubbed his foot over mine.
“How do you feel? Was the conversation worth it?”
We hadn’t solved any of the distance between us, and I doubted we ever would. My father was a man easily influenced by others, without the strength or character to stand up for what was right.
“Yeah. Because I really don’t need him.” I turned to face Ronan. “If I give you my heart, I know you won’t break it. When I give you my love, you won’t throw it away. I can count on you.” I kissed his smiling lips. “And you can count on me.”
Ronan’s cheek rested against mine. “I found them.”
“Huh? Who?” I hadn’t a clue what he was talking about.
“Your brother and sister. While you were talking to your father, I looked them up online. Marshall Sachs and Amanda Sachs, although she’s married now. Amanda Wollenstein.”
My nerves raced, and I pulled away from him. “What? You…why?” I jumped up from the sofa as if my ass had caught fire, and began to pace the room while Ronan remained infuriatingly calm. “I can’t just call them up and say,Hi, guess who I am. The brother you didn’t know existed because our father hid me from you. Surprise! Wanna be friends?”
“Didn’t you ever try to find them?”
“Years ago.” I stopped in front of him. “But when I saw all these family pictures of them smiling and happy, it hurt, you know? I figured if they’d wanted to find me, they would’ve because family goes both ways. But now to hear they never told them? They’ll probably hate me.” All the old insecurities tumbled over me like a collapsing house of cards.
“But it doesn’t have to be like that. They’re your sister and brother, and who knows? Maybe they’d be happy. Their beef wouldn’t be with you. You’re all victims of your father and stepmother.” He huffed out a sigh. “Anyway, they’re both on Instagram if you want to DM them. Your brother is an attorney and works for your father’s firm, so I’m sure there’s a public email you can get if you want to do it that way. I’m not forcing you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, but at least now you have the opportunity. Options.”
I ran my fingers through my hair as I strode back and forth in front of him. “I don’t know…I just don’t know.”
Ronan patted the space next to him. “Sit. You’re making me dizzy.” When I ignored him, he grabbed my arm the next time I passed by him and pulled me down to his side.
“Oof.”I scowled and glared at him. “What the hell did you do that for?”
“I told you to sit,” he said mildly. “You didn’t listen to me.”
“What am I, a puppy?” I snapped, then sagged into the pillows. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bite your head off.”
“Yeah, you did, but I forgive you. One, because you’ve had a rough night and you’re stressed and upset. And two”—he straddled me and kissed me hard and deep until I was breathless and shaking—“because you’re really damn cute. And sexy.” He kissed me again. “I hate seeing you unsure of yourself when I know how strong you are. You’re the only man I’d ever want watching my ass.”
