“She’s right. And good for you for jumping on it. I’m happy for you.”
Damn, they were so awkward with each other, and Tristan hated it. Having Sean under him was so much more pleasurable.
Sean lowered his gaze. “I’m sorry if I pushed too hard earlier, at the park. I didn’t mean to pry into your personal life. I know you don’t like to talk about it. I understand.” His phone buzzed, and when he saw the name on the screen, he rolled his eyes. “Hold on. That’s Charlotte again.” He put her on speaker. “Hey. Didn’t I just talk to you earlier?”
“What? There’s a law that says I can’t speak to you twice in one day?”
Tristan burst out laughing, and she asked, “Is that Tristan with you? I’m glad he’s there. He’s the reason I called.”
Startled, Tristan raised his brows, and Sean mouthed,No clue.
“Yeah,” Sean said. “Why?”
Charlotte’s voice filled the room. “It’s about the twins’ birthday on Saturday. Ray’s always talking about having Tristan over to visit, so I’d love for him to come.” Her voice rang out. “Personally, I think Ray just wants to have an adult conversation that doesn’t revolve around feeding schedules, play dates, and who took whose toy, so I’d like to make him happy.”
Sean snorted. “Well, you’ve made it so appealing, how could he say no? But I’m sure he has better things to do than spend his time at a birthday party for three-year-olds.”
“I’d love to come, Charlotte. Thanks for asking me.” Tristan smirked at Sean’s shocked face.
“Great. I can’t wait to meet you, and Ray’s gonna be thrilled. See you both Saturday.” She ended the call.
Sean continued to stare Tristan down. “You know, you didn’t have to say yes. I’m sure you and Ray could’ve gotten together another time.”
“Yeah, but then there wouldn’t be cake and ice cream.” Unable to hold out any longer and startling himself almost as much as Sean, Tristan cupped Sean’s chin, his thumb skating along his cheekbones.
“That doesn’t sound very healthy,” Sean murmured.
“Maybe I’m in the mood to break some rules.”
Chapter Seventeen
“What’s going on?” Sean gazed up at Tristan, confusion running hand in hand with desire. If possible, Tristan looked even hotter than he did at the park, although Sean didn’t like the lines of fatigue around his eyes or the tense hardness of his mouth. There was something about a man in a suit that did it for him, but at that moment, sex wasn’t on his mind. “All this…it seems kind of sudden.”
Tristan’s warm hands lay heavy on his shoulders. “What if I told you it wasn’t?” But after watching Tristan all these weeks, Sean knew when something was weighing heavily on his mind. And when Tristan huffed out a sigh and sat down, Sean prepared himself, but he wasn’t sure for what. “Can we talk?”
“Sure.” Tristan’s leg pressed close to his, and they remained that way, Tristan quiet as usual, Sean growing edgier by the second.
Tristan cleared his throat. “I was wrong to walk out on you at the park today. I apologize. It’s because…” His tense shoulders slumped. “I hate thinking about the past. If I had a choice, I’d wipe my whole childhood from memory.”
Sean instinctively understood Tristan’s pain. Remembering how reciting the redacted story of his youth to Charlotte tore him to pieces, Sean remained silent. If and when Tristan would speak, he’d be there. Tristan entrusting him with his past gave Sean the shivers. He wanted more but wouldn’t push, as it would send Tristan running.
So he waited, mesmerized by the motion of Tristan’s hands rubbing together. Over and over.
“I told you a little, but not all of my childhood. I never knew my father—no one did. My mother never said who he was, and I guess maybe she didn’t know. With a baby, my mother couldn’t afford rent on her own, so she moved in with my grandmother, and they were constantly fighting—screaming, name-calling, throwing things. I’d escape the house by any means possible. Even as a little kid, I’d play out in the big field behind the house until past dusk. Eventually, one of them would realize I wasn’t inside, and I’d get my ass beat, but it was worth it not to listen to them be so vicious to each other. There was no place in the house I could escape to. It only had two bedrooms, and my mother and grandmother slept in them. I had a mattress in a corner of the living room. On the weekends my mother would go out to party and sneak men into her room late at night. Sometimes they didn’t even bother to make it past the couch. I had to cover my head with a pillow to drown out the sounds.”
Sean put a tentative hand on Tristan’s thigh, felt the muscle twitching under his fingers. Recalling that first night and how Tristan had snarled not to touch him, he took the chance of being rejected, but Tristan remained still. And when he covered Sean’s hand with his own, Sean trembled.
“One day my mother said she was going to the store for a pack of cigarettes. We never heard from her or saw her again, not that it made much of a difference. She barely paid any attention to me, unless it was to take whatever money I made from the odd jobs I picked up, like delivering newspapers and helping the farmers pick corn or apples outside of town.”
“You stayed with your grandmother? At least you had a relative and they didn’t have to put you in the system.”
Tristan’s smile was wry. “Until I graduated from high school, I was basically chained to the house. My grandmother’s illness was degenerative, and she became confined to a wheelchair. She was always bad-tempered, but it got worse as she got sicker. She refused to let any aides into the house, believing they were all thieves or would kill her in her sleep. I had to do all the shopping, cooking, and house repairs, plus keep up with my schoolwork. The only time I wasn’t home was school and football.”
“What about…guys?” But Sean already knew the answer.
Tristan snorted, the bitterness escaping him, and turned his palm around to slide their fingers together. “You must be joking. Can you imagine me getting it on with a guy in a small upstate town twenty-five years ago? Jesus, the Klan’s headquarters started not far from where I lived.” His face turned grim. “I kept my secret to myself.”
“I wasn’t sure. But I’m not laughing. Because nothing in your story was remotely funny.” Heartbreaking and all too familiar for Sean. He wanted to hold Tristan, but it wasn’t the right time.
