“Yes. Everything’s fine. I just wanted to have a few minutes to talk. If you’re not busy.”
“Uh, well, sure, okay. Mariel and I were just about to watch something on Netflix, but it can wait.”
Ronan muttered, “Motherfucking asshole,” to himself, but I ignored him.
“Thanks.”
The volume of the television lowered. “What can I do for you?”
My heart pounded and sweat dampened my entire body. Was this worth it?
I can do this.
“First, you can not sound as if you’re talking to a business associate. I’m calling because I’m going to be forty soon. And I think it’s time you told me why you cut me out of your life.” Ronan gave me a thumbs-up and a smile, but I was too tense to respond.
“This isn’t a conversation to have over the phone.”
“You’ve made it impossible for us to do anything else. It’s been thirty years since I’ve seen you. I wouldn’t have needed to do this, but you’re the one who cut off all contact.”
“It was hard. You don’t understand. I had a new family…young children. I couldn’t explain it to them.”
“But why did they count more than me? I was your child too.” Ronan shifted next to me, his hands balled into fists.
“You have no right to yell at him.” His wife came on the phone. “He needed to concentrate on making our marriage work and on our children. We were his first priority.”
“Why?” Frustrated, I stood over the phone I’d placed on the table. “And I didn’t call to talk to you. I want to talk to my father.”
“I’m still here, Gabriel.”
“Why are you letting her dominate the conversation? Is this what happened? You let her take control?”
“I know what’s best for Greg. He can’t be pulled in fifty directions.”
“Wow,” Ronan said. “That’s some next-level bullshit.”
I was surprised he’d kept quiet this long. I shot him a look and was surprised by the dark anger on his face.
“Who is that?”
“I’m Gabriel’s boyfriend. A parent should never let anyone come between them and their child.”
“I paid my child support,” my father answered, defensive as always, but I was ready.
“You think a paycheck is a good substitute for being a father? You couldn’t even be bothered to come to my bar mitzvah. You made up some lame excuse that your kids were sick. And what about them? Amanda and Marshall are my half sister and brother, yet I haven’t seen them since they were little. Why haven’t they ever tried to contact me? What have you told them?” I sank onto the couch. A few beats of silence passed before I understood why he hadn’t answered. “Wait a second. You never mentioned me, did you? Why the hell not?”
“Because he’s a weak bastard,” Ronan spit out. “Isn’t it obvious? He cheated on your mother, left you two to swing in the breeze, and allowed his new wife to boss him around and tell him what to do. He has no backbone.”
“That’s not true.” My father’s protest sounded as weak as Ronan had made him out to be.
“Tell me what was false about what Ronan said,” I asked him. “I would beg to come visit you. Going to your house in California was like going to Disneyland for me—you had a pool. For a city kid, nothing was better. But you never wanted me, did you?” I was tired and heartsick. “I was the burden of the life you’d left behind. That’s why when Amanda and Marshall were old enough to start remembering me, you cut out my visits. You didn’t want to have to explain me to them.”
His silence was all I needed to understand the terrible truth.
“I never wanted anything bad to happen to you, Gabriel.”
“Gee, that’s nice to know.” Ronan took my hand and squeezed it tight. “You and the bagel guy I order from every morning.”
“I worked so hard and such late hours when you were young, I never had a chance to build a connection with you.”
