“No one’s ever said that to me and meant it.”
“Not even DJ?” While I hated bringing up Gabriel’s former lover, they’d been together long enough for that to have made sense. Hell, Gabriel had only been here with me a few months, and I was head over heels.
“Not that I believe anymore. Now that I know he cheated on me, I doubt all his words. You don’t cheat on someone you love. And loving someone means you don’t want to hide them away; you want to show them off.” He brushed his lips to mine. “I’d never hide you. You’re bright and filled with joy. You’re meant to be in the sun.”
So many nights, first in the hospital and then in prison, I’d lain awake, drowning in pain and the blackness of a despair I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to climb out of. I feathered gentle kisses against his injured cheek.
Finally happy.
Finally at peace.
“Once you’ve lived in darkness you know where to search for the light. You’re my light, and I’m not letting you go. I’ll be here to support you whatever the outcome of that phone call.”
“You’re incredible. And I love you too. Because you didn’t ask me, but you need to know, and I need to tell you.” Gabriel’s declaration came out soft, but I heard it as loudly as if he’d shouted it through a megaphone.
I couldn’t control my smile. “Let’s get cleaned up and make that call.”
Chapter Twenty
Gabriel
Alternating between wanting to vomit and attempting to control my anger, I sat staring at my phone for at least five minutes. What the hell was the point of this? Nothing could or would ever change between him and me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Ronan’s jiggling leg. I knew he was almost as anxious as I was for me to make that call, but I was more interested in exploring what we’d opened up about earlier.
“Maybe it’s not a good time. It’s late…”
“Not in California. It’s midnight here, so only nine there. After dinner and not too late.”
“He probably won’t answer.”
“Maybe not.” He ran his bare foot up my left one. “You’re nervous. I get it. But once you start talking to him, it’ll get easier.”
“You think? I don’t even know how to begin.Hi, Dad. Remember me? The son you never wanted?”
“That could work. Because it forces him to answer and puts the burden on him.”
I chewed my fingernail. “To what end? A relationship with him?”
Ronan slapped my hand away from my mouth. “Stop mauling yourself. Do you want that?”
“No—I don’t know,” I yelled, jumped off the couch, and walked to the window. The lights of the city twinkled before me, yet I saw nothing but the suitcases sitting by the front door and the forever empty seat at the little kitchen table. “I shouldn’t even want to talk to him after what he did to us, especially my mom.” But I did. It was like a disease, eating away at me to have that answer.
Strong arms wrapped around my waist, and the soft silk of Ronan’s hair fell over my cheek, tickling me. He smelled like his favorite cinnamon body wash. Warm and familiar.
“If you want me to sit by you when you call, I will. Hold your hand. Whatever you need.”
I’d have thought he was teasing if I didn’t know him well enough by now to see that wasn’t true. Holding Ronan close, with the strength of his love flowing through me, I could conquer any fear.
“Let’s do it. I’m ready.”
I returned to the couch, and before I stopped to think again, pushed the Call button and put the phone on speaker. I had no idea why I’d preprogrammed my father’s number into my phone. Not like I called him often. I called the pizza place down the block more. My hands shook, and I twisted them together.
“Hello?”
There was noise in the background, as if there were people or the television was playing. I licked my lips. “Hi. It’s Gabriel.”
“Gabriel? Is everything okay?”
Would he be happier if I told him I was dying? Damn, my thoughts were so convoluted.
