Spencer sank onto the couch and held the glass in his hands. Wolf sat next to him.
“My father…” His throat closed up again, and frustrated, he finished the rest of his drink.
“I know.”
“No. You don’t. How could you? Was your father a homophobe? Did he wish you were never born?”
Wolf paled, pressed his lips together, and shook his head. “No,” he whispered.
“Then, like I said, you don’t know. He kept it under wraps for the most part while my mother was alive, but when she was gone? It all came out. It wasn’t subtle, you know? Like burning my clothes and telling me I looked like a girl when I grew my hair long. He’d sit in the living room and watch porn all the time and wouldn’t let me change the channel. One night, a week before I left for school, I came home from working at the mall to find he’d gone into my room and shredded all the fashion magazines and books I’d bought with the money I saved from my job.” He hiccupped, and to his embarrassment, tears sprang to his eyes. “I saved every penny I made because I knew he wouldn’t contribute a damn dime when I left for school. The books I could buy again. But those magazines meant everything to me. Many were from my mother when she was young and wanted to model—oldVoguesandWomen’s World Daily. I can’t find them anymore.”
As if the day couldn’t get any stranger, Wolf took him in his arms, and Spencer curled into his chest, listening to the comforting thump of his heart.
“You’re being so nice to me.”
“Am I?” Wolf chuckled, and Spencer liked hearing that sound. “Don’t let anyone know. It’ll ruin my image.”
“You can run but you can’t hide.”
Spencer meant it as a joke, but Wolf stiffened.
“What does that mean?”
He lifted his head to meet Wolf’s eyes. “It means that I don’t think you’re as tough and hard-ass as you want us all to believe. And that you have something you’re hiding from all of us.”
“Wh-what would I have to hide? You’ve always called me boring.”
“I don’t think you’re boring. Matter of fact, I know you’re not. Remember?”
Wolf’s breath hitched. “Spencer…”
“Do you know what it was like seeing him after all these years? All the horrible memories came back. Living with him numbed me to life. I felt nothing.”
“Sometimes it’s easier to forget than to remember,” Wolf’s deep voice rumbled. “Safer, too.”
He touched Wolf’s face. “Make the bad memories go away, Wolf. I don’t want to think about him right now. Make me feel.”
The exquisite pressure of Wolf’s mouth on his had been a recurring dream for years, but no longer. Firm, hot lips moved over his, and Spencer tangled his fingers into Wolf’s silky hair to hold him steady as their tongues attacked each other. Spencer sucked Wolf’s tongue, his lips, and rubbed his cheek against Wolf’s hard jaw. After four long years, he couldn’t get enough of the man.
Wolf gazed at him, blurry-eyed and flushed. “I didn’t intend for this to happen.”
“I don’t care about that. Not now. I want you. Ineedyou. Please, Wolf. Take me away from this day.” He leaned in to kiss Wolf again, but instead, Wolf pushed him off and sat up, his face that hard mask Spencer hated.
“I-I think it would be a bad idea.”
He felt as if he’d been slapped, and his face burned with humiliation.
Never let them see you crumble, baby.
So he did what he’d perfected over the years, forcing a bright smile and patting his hair into place. “Not a problem. I have a party I can go to.” He rose to his feet, only to have Wolf grab his hand and yank him down.
“Shut up and listen for once in your life.” Wolf glared.
“What’s there to listen to? You telling me you don’t want to fuck me because this time it’s in your apartment and you can’t run away?”
“No, you fool. You can’t make everything better by sleeping your way through a swath of men who mean nothing. Men you’ll never see again once you walk out the door. Burying your feelings for one night isn’t going to work—when you wake up, it’s still there, staring you in the face.”
The impact of Wolf’s words drained all the fight from him, and he began to shake. Even his teeth chattered, and once again, he found himself in Wolf’s arms.
