Chapter Fifteen
Elliot had no idea how long they stayed on the side of the highway, kissing, but when they finally separated, his heart pounded as if he’d been running for his life. His lips tingled and throbbed, and he forced himself to draw in great gulps of air until his head stopped spinning.
“I wasn’t interested in that guy at the pie shop. I don’t want to be with anyone else.”
“Good. Don’t be.” Win’s lips rested against his forehead. “I want you to be with me.”
“I do. And I am.” But did it mean the same to Win as it did to him? Elliot, who’d never had the guts to stand up for himself and say what he wanted, decided it was time to make his needs known. New relationship, new Elliot. “But we need to be on the same page. We started as friends with benefits, but I think we have a difference of opinion on what that means.”
“I know what it means.” Win raked his hair off his brow, mouth pulled down in a frown.
“Oh, yeah? Well, then let me tell you whatIthink. Because to me? No strings means no exclusivity.” He watched Win carefully, saw his face tighten and those beautiful eyes grow stormy. “You have a problem with that?”
“I don’t sleep around. I didn’t think you did either.”
“I don’t. My problem is the exact opposite, remember? I get too attached, too fast. But when you tell me over and over that you want to keep it casual and you’re not interested in getting serious, why shouldn’t I want to date someone else, someone who might want to take that step? Aren’t we just hanging out and enjoying each other until things change for one of us?”
“Yeah, but—”
“But nothing.” Elliot couldn’t believe he’d had the nerve to say what weighed so heavily in his chest, but at the end of what he’d thought a perfect day, he was suddenly tired. Tired of being the one to keep around until someone cooler or hotter came along. Tired of not being anyone’s first choice. From their times together, he felt it was more than sex between them, but…was it one-sided? Win might’ve made him feel safe and secure, but from experience, Elliot knew he couldn’t count on that. “You want to have your cake and eat it too. I’m supposed to be there whenever you want sex, because you don’t want to get serious, but if someone is attracted to me, I should turn down the possibility of a relationship? Why?”
Win stared at him, and a flicker of something dark passed over his face. Elliot held his breath.
“You’re right. It’s not fair to you.” If Elliot thought they’d continue the conversation, ending with Win stating he wanted more than what they had together, he was dead wrong. “We’d better get going. Traffic’s getting heavy,” was all Win said as he left the breakdown lane and reentered the traffic.
Win’s silence hurt him more than if he would have agreed to see other people, and Elliot slouched low and leaned against the window. He had no idea how much time passed before the Jeep stopped, jerking him to attention.
“We’re home.” Win’s hands rested on the steering wheel. “Would you like to come to my house? Maybe order in something to eat?”
Elliot wanted to say yes so bad. “I’m a little tired. It was a long day, and I still have the article to turn in.”
Resignation filled Win’s eyes, and his voice sounded as heavy as Elliot’s heart felt. “Sure. Of course. Another time.”
“Yeah.” Elliot swallowed. “Another time.” He leaned over and pressed his lips to Win’s cheek for a barely-there kiss. “I’ll talk to you.”
To keep from changing his mind, he grabbed his bottles of wine from the back seat, then jumped out of the car and didn’t stop walking until he had locked the door behind him. Peeking from behind the curtains, he saw Win trudging up his front steps, head down and both hands laden with the bags holding the wine and pies.
The curtain fell from his shaky fingers, and he went to finish his article, determined not to let the implosion of his personal life affect his professional one.
He could wait to get drunk.
***
The week after the disastrous end to the winery visit, Elliot had thrown himself into work, researching and writing enough articles to keep his editors busy for at least a month. He kept his phone on silent, only checking it at lunch and in the evening when he quit for the day.
There were no missed calls from Win, no texts. Nothing. Only the endless chatter from his friends—mostly Spencer—about dinner plans, and shows they’d gotten tickets for, and did anyone want to see a movie.
Frustrated, Elliot pushed the phone away and contemplated walking over to Win’s house, knocking on the door, and discussing the situation like adults. But as quickly as the thought came, he dismissed it. Pride prevented him from making that trek across the lawn. Pride, and the knowledge that Win wasn’t home. Thanks to his insomnia, he’d awakened at five that morning to see lights on in Win’s kitchen, only to have the house go dark soon after. More than twelve hours later, the driveway remained empty, so he had no reason to even think about seeing Win.
He was better off, anyway. The friends-with-benefits thing wasn’t working for him—not when Win had gone out of his way with romantic dates and sweet, whispered words that led him to believe there might be more growing between them. Yet he desperately wanted to know more about Win. Had he ever been in love? Who was the man in the photograph? Why did he shy away from feelings?
He took a gulp of his cold and bitter cup of tea. “Ugh. That’s disgusting.” Making a face, he pushed the cup away and propped his chin in his hand.
Sure, they’d had some serious talks, but Win would shift away from revealing anything about his personal life prior to their meeting, and they’d usually end up kissing, which distracted Elliot to the point of oblivion.
And yet Win hadn’t lied to him. From the start he’d stressed the friends-with-benefits rule and that they were just having fun. No strings. He’d repeated that often enough. But deep down, Elliot had harbored the secret fantasy that Win would change his mind and fall in love with him. Was he that much of a romantic, or was he simply a fool?
Annoyance spiked through him the longer he sat and thought about what had occurred at the pie shop and after. According to Win’s “rules,” it shouldn’t have mattered if hehadagreed to a date with the store clerk. Elliot and Win were simply hooking up. “Friends with benefits.” Win’s words. Win’s terms.
