“Oh, well, that’s certainly a story.” She continued to gaze at him expectantly, and Win chuckled.
“He’s a very nice guy, a freelance writer for different magazines. Maybe a couple of years younger than me? I don’t know. We haven’t gotten to that point yet.”
No, we just spent the night together, and I can’t get him out of my mind.
But, Win rationalized,his reaction was only natural, considering Elliot was the first man he’d been truly intimate with since Kevin’s death. Maybe if they started having sex on the regular, he’d be able to move on and see other men as well.
“That’s about it.” Feeling better, Win grabbed a muffin and broke off the top. The taste of apple and cinnamon filled his mouth, and he chewed and swallowed with gusto. No one made better muffins than his mom. “I forgot how good these are.”
“I can send you home with some. This Elliot sounds like a good person to have as a friend. And he knows about Kevin?”
That wasn’t part of their agreement to keep things light and easy. Win swallowed hard and shook his head. “No…it, uh, hasn’t come up.”
“Oh, honey. Maybe it would be a good idea. You could have someone else to talk with.”
Agitated, Win brushed off his hands and rose from his seat. The thought of talking to Elliot about Kevin gave him hives. “I have talked. With you and Forrest. Ad nauseam. So you see? I’m not hiding. And I promise I’m better.”
“Don’t run away from us, Win. We don’t mean to push.” His father’s gruff voice couldn’t hide his emotion. “All we want—”
“Is for me to be happy, I know. But I am. As happy as I can be without my husband. I’m trying, and I think it’s a good first step. You and Mom say you understand, but you really don’t, and God forbid. I hope you never have to go through what I did. Because it’s the living definition of hell on earth.” With shaking hands, he brought his mug to the sink and used the soothing repetitive motion and the warm water as he washed to calm himself.
Even though he expected it, Win still jumped when his father placed a hand on his shoulder.
“I think it’s a good step too, son. We love you, and if this is what you’re capable of for now, then so be it. We’ll always be here for you.”
“I know, Dad. Believe me, I’m so lucky to have the two of you as parents.” Kevin’s parents had rejected him after he came out, and despite always inviting them to holiday get-togethers and to their wedding, they never acknowledged them. When Kevin died, he’d called them to let them know about the funeral arrangements. They’d hung up on him, but not before screaming vile curses at Win, blaming him for Kevin’s death. That night he’d gotten so drunk, he broke every dish and glass in the house. He didn’t need his so-called in-laws telling him it was his fault.
If only…if only…
“I’d better get going. Traffic’s going to be ridiculous, and I’d like to get home around dinnertime.”
The three of them walked outside and stood in the bright, late-afternoon sunlight.
“Have a date?” The hopeful note in his mother’s voice made him smile.
“You’ll never stop trying, will you?” He opened the door of the Jeep.
“And you’ll never stop deflecting.”
“Bye.” He hugged her first, then his father.
“Take care of yourself, and please be careful. Don’t be reckless.”
“I won’t. Promise.”
At the beginning of his assignment to the Special Narcotics Squad project, he hadn’t cared all that much about his safety and had skated the edge several times. Only knowing he was also putting Forrest at risk made him pull himself up by the balls and return to earth. He had no right to endanger others in his quest to forget his loss.
He stopped for gas and stared at the other cars waiting at the pumps. A pickup drove up opposite him with two older men inside, and from behind his sunglasses, he watched the driver lean over and kiss his passenger on the cheek, earning him a bright smile. Loneliness throbbed inside his chest. He didn’t want to go home and spend another empty night staring at nothing. Sitting alone in the darkness. He wanted…something he’d never expected to need again. An answering smile. The touch of a hand. Someone to hold.
Not just someone. Elliot.
No matter what he’d told his parents not half an hour earlier, he did want to see Elliot again. Something about the man called to him, and if Win could guess, at one point in his life, Elliot had also experienced a painful loss. Users and deadbeat boyfriends had broken him down and shredded his self-esteem to hell, and Win wanted to help him. As a friend would.
While the gas pumped, the man from the pickup had visited the convenience store and returned with a case of beer, a bag of chips, and two pints of ice cream. Someone was about to have a good night at home.
As the couple drove away, Elliot’s list of his perfect man came to mind, and when Win turned off the Belt Parkway for home, he knew exactly how he wanted to spend his evening.
If Elliot was willing.
