I was sweating through my shirt and felt cold and clammy, yet it didn’t stop Torre from pulling me to him and holding me close. I stiffened and tried to break free. “Let go. I’m not a child.”
“No, but you’re hurting. It’s okay to still be in pain from what your mother and Luca did. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.” His strong arms tightened around me. With any other man who’d try to hug me, I’d feel choked and suffocated by the closeness and push him away. Yet I wanted to sink into Torre’s chest and never let go.
“I should be over it. I’m an adult.”
It felt so damn good to have Torre’s arms around me.
You like him holding you. Don’t you?
No more laughing from the devil. Just the stark truth.
I sat in the comforting circle of Torre’s arms, listening to him speak. “There’s no time limit on grief, no expiration date for pain. But when you don’t let go of the past, every day you keep breaking and rebreaking your heart, over and over, until it becomes too weak to heal.”
He might have been right, because the pain in my chest felt as if a jagged knife was cutting into me; until I leaned against him, when it softened to a dull ache. “It hurt to think it was all a lie…that I was a joke to Luca.”
He kissed my hair. “Do you know what happened to them?”
“They got married.”
I heard Torre’s swift intake of breath. “No.”
“I didn’t see my mother again after I moved in with Presley. She never tried to contact me once I moved out. All she wanted was Luca. Between college and going to Europe to study for a semester, then to culinary school afterward, I was pretty much on my own. My father died before my graduation.” My head rested on his shoulder, and I could take air into my lungs. “Right before I met you, I saw Luca at an event, and he left with a pretty, young male model. So I’m guessing he either grew tired of my mother, or she grew too old-looking for him.” My eyes closed for a moment. “Luca always liked pretty young things.”
I waited for the heaviness I’d carried with me since that night to swamp me, but it didn’t happen. I remained curiously light and free. “I always felt,” I began cautiously, hoping this new feeling wouldn’t up and vanish, leaving me cold and empty again, “that if my mother didn’t love me enough to choose her own child over a fuckboy like Luca, then relationships and love were all bullshit.”
Torre took my face between his hands and gazed at me with fire burning in his eyes. “It isn’t love that’s bullshit. Love is real. Love is the truth.”
“It’s hard to believe that love can be real or the truth when everyone and everything around you is a lie.”
“I care for you. That’s not a lie.”
“You do?” I couldn’t keep from smiling. “Still? I thought I might’ve driven you away.”
“I’m still sitting here, aren’t I?”
Please don’t go. Don’t leave me too.
I blinked, startled. Did I say the words out loud? I sneaked a look at Torre.
“What’s happening here?”
“Between us?” At my nod, Torre broke out in a grin. “Starting from when? Do you have all night?” His eyes sparkled.
“From day one.” I traced his cheekbone with my fingertip. “It wasn’t supposed to be this hard. It never has been. I could always leave without a backward glance.”
“Because it’s easy to do the same thing every time. It’s hard to go against the norm. And in the beginning, we were too busy hiding who we were from each other.”
I knew who I was. I came from a line of liars and cheaters, and I was determined not to be either. But could I break that mold? Was I so determined to keep free of intimacy because I feared I couldn’t be faithful?
“Who are you?” I smoothed the tumble of dark waves off his brow. “Who is Salvatore-Torre-Rossi-Grant?”
“You’re looking at him. I help out my brother at his restaurant whenever he needs it. I’m there for my mother. I want my little niece to grow up and be proud of her family and that we remain true to our traditions. My family means everything to me. And as for my blog?” He shrugged. “All I want is for people to know there’s life beyond the city. Not everyone has access to the places you go to.”
“Went to. Remember? I’m out and you’re in.”
“This isn’tProject Runway. You’re not leaving after tonight. I want to keep seeing you. If you want to still see me.”
I felt a little high or drunk hearing those words. “I don’t know who I am anymore. I have no family to fall back on, and it’s a foreign concept to be responsible for anyone but myself. I’ve never defined myself through my job, but now that it’s gone, I’m not sure where I’m going.”
