He finished calling for his car and slipped his phone into the pocket of his cashmere overcoat. “None. They don’t get to see where I live. I go to their place, which is better since I’m the one to get up and leave. And I always do. None of this ‘Will you stay the night with me?’ crap. They know the score.”
“I’m sure they do.” He either missed my sarcasm or chose to ignore me.
A car stopped in front of the restaurant.
“That’s mine. I wish you’d rethink this stupid idea.”
“I love your gentle approach.”
“I loveyouand don’t want you to fuck this up.”
It might be too late for that. I was a grown man, and I would take care of and own my shit.
I returned to the store, where I spent the next hour practicing what and how I’d tell Nate. If I chose the coward’s way out, I’d do it in public, where he’d be forced to control his emotions and not make a scene. But I’d been a coward for too long.
There were few customers in the afternoon, so I decided to close the store a little early. I took out my phone to text Nate and saw a missed text from him.
Dinner tonight?
My heart jumped.Sure.
Where would you like to go?
Ever since seeing Jared’s husband at the Rainbow Room, I had a fear of him confronting me with Nate present.
Tonight.I would tell him tonight.
How about we stay in. I’ll make it worth your while.
Tease. Bring clothes for tomorrow. You’re staying.
Despite the nerves zipping through me, I had to smile.Pretty sure of yourself.
I got a grinning emoji in response.
I only hoped we’d still be laughing tomorrow morning. But I couldn’t go on like this. Frisco might be able to forget and push things under the rug. I couldn’t. Like a slap to my face or a douse of cold water poured over my head, falling in love with Nate had woken me up from the fog of my obsession with Jared. In hindsight, I wasn’t proud of my past behavior. I was marked by guilt, ravaged by shame. I became a stranger to myself.
But before I told Nate about Jared, I had to tell him what was in my heart. Love. A wild love. That passionate, soulful love where I craved his mouth on mine and his hands on my body. A quiet, sweet, Sunday morning love where I’d look up from my coffee and find his eyes on me, or one where I’d know his thoughts before he spoke.
A real love. An everything love.
But it also had to be an honest love.
* * *
At seven o’clock I rang the doorbell to the brownstone, sick with nerves, my stomach in knots. I drew in several deep breaths of cold, sharp air to steady myself. Nate opened the door, and seeing his face light up only made it worse. How could I have been so stupid to hide this from him?
“Hi, baby.” He kissed me, and I managed a weak smile. I loved it when he called me baby, and only hoped I’d still be hearing it after I told him the truth.
“Hi.”
“What’s the matter?” He led me inside, and I took off my coat and scarf. A trickle of sweat beaded down my cheek. He placed his palm against my face. “You seem upset about something. Rough day at the store?”
“N-no,” I croaked out. “I’m okay.”
“Let’s go sit by the fire. Come.” He took me by the hand and led me to the living room, where a fire blazed merrily behind the safety screen. A bottle of champagne and fruit and cheese waited on the low coffee table, and pillows rested on the rug. “I thought it would be nice to pretend we’re in a cabin in the woods, trapped by a snowstorm.”
The man confused the hell out of me. When we’d met, I pictured him as a player, taking whatever and whomever he wanted, looking only for the most casual of hookups. Over the weeks we’d been together, he proved me wrong, revealing his layers: loving brother and son, caring uncle, and a tender, considerate lover who’d opened my eyes to what a real relationship could be.
