“That was a fluke.”
“But it could happen again.”
“I’m warning you, you’re making a mistake if you tell him. The time I met Nate, and from the things you’ve told me he said, he doesn’t seem to be the kind of guy who forgives easily.”
“Oh, he’s not.” If at all. “But I’m not doing this for him. Don’t you see that starting off a relationship on a lie dooms it? To have a real chance at a future, Nate has to know my past. I don’t want to have to parse my words every time we speak and hope he doesn’t ask more questions I can’t answer. I love him. And love demands truth between people.”
Frisco’s long fingers played with the stem of his wineglass as he contemplated my words. Remaining silent, he took a bite of his steak without ever taking his eyes from my face. We were at a little French bistro on the Upper West Side near my store. I always left the food choice up to him, and today especially, when he called to meet for lunch, raving about this new place, I didn’t care. My stomach was too tied up in knots to eat much of anything.
I tensed when he set down his fork to speak.
“I don’t like it, but I have to admire your guts in risking it all. I’m no one to talk to about relationships, and while I do see your point, I still think you need to deep-six your past. The only one who will get hurt by you being all noble and shit is you.”
“I don’t know,” I said, pushing my food around with my fork. The little appetite I’d had initially had vanished.
“But I do. You’ve had two relationships. One with a married guy, and this one. With a guy who’s already told you trust is the most important thing for him. Then he tells you about his father and how he cheated on his mother. While she was sick.” The disgust from Frisco couldn’t be any more apparent. “And he blames not only his father, but the woman. So what would you gain by telling Nate you had an affair with a married man? Especially after you knew he was married. And had a baby.”
“I didn’t know about the baby until the day he left me. I-I’d like to think I wouldn’t have pursued Jared again if I’d known he had a child. All he told me was that he was lonely.”
“Press, you were obsessed with Jared. You would’ve done anything to be with him.” He challenged me with his direct stare. “You almost ruined our friendship over it.”
Regret claimed me. “I know. I still don’t understand it. It was like a fever came over me. I remember thinking, here was this gorgeous older guy paying attention to me, giving me compliments.”
“It’s called flirting,” Frisco said grimly. “You responded, and it fed his ego.”
“I was lonely. My parents were gone, and I couldn’t wrap my head around their deaths. I had just started working on my own at the store, and you had your life. I didn’t have boyfriends in college, you know that. Just a little fooling around. I thought Jared was everything I wanted.”
“And now?” His steak forgotten, Frisco rested his chin on his hand. “Do you feel the same way about Nate?”
“No.” My answer was automatic. “Nate is so much more. Being with him has opened my eyes to what a real relationship can be. We stay up late talking and wake up together. He’s not rushing to be somewhere else…with someone else. The only place he wants to be is where I am. We go for walks in the park and have nights where we just want to hang out and watch a movie. We don’t have to do things, because being with each other is enough, even apart from the sex. There are no doubts with Nate. He trusts me. How can I keep betraying him?”
“Argh,” Frisco said in disgust. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
Fear shivered through me. “Not at all. But I know if I don’t do it, it’ll be worse.”
“Not if he breaks up with you.”
“I guess that’s a risk I’ll have to take.”
In a surprising move, Frisco took my cold hand and squeezed it. “This time I’ll be there for you. If he decides he can’t handle the truth, I won’t let you go through it alone. I have to go to Paris tomorrow, so please promise me you’ll wait until I come back.”
I shrugged and forked a piece of omelet into my mouth.
“You’re not, are you?”
I knew Frisco didn’t expect an answer.
We finished our lunch, and then Frisco had to go to the soft opening of some sushi bar in Tribeca.
“How many sushi restaurants does the city need? I swear one pops up on every block sooner or later.” I wound my scarf around my neck.
“Oh, no one cares about the food at these things. It’s all see and be seen. The meal is secondary unless it’s a name.”
“That’s sad for the little guy.”
“It has its benefits.” That familiar gleam lit Frisco’s eyes, and I snorted.
“How many chefs have you brought home with you?”
