“You’re great for the ego, but I still want to take it slowly. This was a nice way to spend the evening without having sex, wasn’t it?”
“Yes. I can admit it, even if I’d rather be at home with you, sipping our wine in front of a fire.”
I put a hand on his shoulder. “We’re working on it.”
Chapter Ten
One month later, Presley and I were still dating, and still in the friends-without-benefits stage. I hinted at it every chance I got, and I would’ve gladly crossed the line, but I wanted to prove to him—and maybe to myself—that I could have a relationship that wasn’t based solely on the physical.
My foot tapped with nerves as I stood outside the restaurant, waiting for him to arrive.
Ethan had teased me about changing my tie before I left, but I’d shocked him into silence when I told him I’d met someone.
“For real? Not a hookup, but a guy you want to date and see more than once?”
“Why? Do you think that’s so impossible for me?” I tightened my Hermès tie.
“No, you dope. It’s all I’ve wanted for you since you broke up with Carson.”
“Oh.” I met his hopeful expression in the mirror with my confused one. “I’m kind of surprised about it myself, to be honest.”
“You know how worried Allie and I have been about you. You’ve been so angry since Dad died. But lately, since you’ve been going to this group, I’ve noticed a change. Is this guy someone you met there?”
“Yeah, the first night, and we sort of got together, and next time too. But Presley had second thoughts about rushing it, so we’ve decided to take it slow and—what?” I broke off at the huge grin on Ethan’s face.
“You’re really not having sex with him? You actually talk and don’t hit the bed running?”
The past three years I’d go to charity events with Ethan for the firm and would often meet a man and leave early with him, or, in my most embarrassing moment, I hooked up with a member of the waitstaff at the event. When the insomnia got too bad to stay at home, I’d while the nighttime hours away in a club or bar. Dancing or drinking with a stranger seemed preferable to my own company, where I’d run through the list of my father’s faults and then my own, the anger festering until it became this ugly, snarling beast inside me.
I leaned my hip against the desk. “Am I really that bad? Nah, I shouldn’t even bother to ask.”
“It’s not a matter of being bad. I thought you had something with Carson, but you ended it when Dad died. Funny, because that’s when one needs a partner the most. To lean on for help. Without Allie by my side, it would’ve been much worse, both with Dad’s death and with Mom’s illness.”
It had never occurred to me to lean on anyone. Finding out the man you admired and looked up to, the man you’d modeled your own life on, was a lying, cheating bastard could change a person. In my case, it sent me off on a path of self-destruction. I’d dumped a boyfriend, isolated myself from my family, and lost interest in everything. Even sex had become nothing more than scratching an itch.
“I take full responsibility for the breakup. Carson was a great guy, and I pushed him away. After a while he stopped beating his head against a brick wall.” Those were dark days, when I ran through men like an alcoholic craving their next drink, my fury driving me to reckless behavior. It was as if I were determined to fuck away the pain, but of course all it accomplished was to leave me even emptier.
“So”—I recognized the gleam in Ethan’s eye and slipped on my suit jacket—“who’s this guy…Presley, you said his name was? What’s so different about him?”
“I gotta go or I’ll be late. See you tomorrow.” And I practically ran out the door.
Standing on Park Avenue South, watching Presley exit his car, I couldn’t put my finger on what it was about him that had captivated me. Sure, he was good-looking, but I could find that anywhere, at any party or bar, and had.
Press approached, a slight smile resting on his lips. “What has you looking like you’re wrestling with the devil?” His eyes searched mine.
Determined not to let anger at my father ruin our dinner, I thrust aside my dark thoughts. “Not a thing. Maybe I’m hungry. I skipped lunch because of a meeting.”
We entered the restaurant and were seated in a corner banquette. A busboy appeared immediately and poured the water while the waiter stood at the ready for our drink order.
“Wine now or with dinner?” I glanced at the menu.
“I could do with a glass of red,” Presley said, unfolding his napkin.
“Let’s get the 2015 Pinot Noir,” I said to the waiter, who nodded.
“Very good, sir.”
Fresh off my conversation with Ethan, I was even more determined to prove I could have a real relationship and not only want sex from a man…but damn, it was hard not to think about Presley as he was that one time we’d been together.
