You give them your heart.
Disconcerted by that thought, I seemed to have forgotten what to do with my hands. I tapped my fingers on the desk, fiddled with the register, and shuffled the pens.
A teasing light gleamed in Frankie’s big brown eyes. “Harlan, man, I gotta give you props for that speech. I’ll never doubt you again, because that sounded like a whole lot more than a friendship speech, if you ask me.”
“Which no one did.” Austin pursed his lips and shot Frankie a look I couldn’t decipher. “But yeah. I’m happy to be proven wrong. My main concern has always been Cort not getting hurt. I have nothing against you personally. Anyone who got so close to him, so fast, would send a red flag up in my eyes. Cort deserves a man who recognizes his worth, who’ll treat him right. Not someone who’ll use him to get what he wants, then leave.”
I understood the challenge in Austin’s words and had to respect the man. He might be prickly and judgmental, but his loyalty to Cort was fierce and unwavering.
“I agree. Where I come from, using people is standard operating procedure. It’s the law of the jungle: eat or be eaten.”
“Trust me,” Austin said. “I know exactly where you’re coming from.”
That was the second time Austin made an ambiguous remark, and I sensed a story there. I would have to remember to ask Cort. “Then you understand. Coming from the place I was in, where I saw no way out, finding someone like Cort, who wanted to help me, was an offer I couldn’t refuse. And I won’t deny that at first, I wanted only what he could give me. I was used to taking what I wanted with no consequences and no thought behind the giving.”
“So what changed?” Frankie regarded me thoughtfully.
“Have you spent time with him?” I jerked my thumb toward Cort. “Look at him. Gorgeous, sweet, and hot as hell. It’s like the trifecta of all that is holy. Who could resist that?”
Shit. By the broad smiles on all four men’s faces, I thought I gave it all up, but I kept calm and didn’t look over at Cort. Good thing I always had a poker face. It had helped me in court and with women I’d promise the world to, even as I forgot their names when they walked away.
Frankie snickered. “Looks like our work here is done, guys.”
“You’re a real comedian, Frankie. Let’s go and let them get back to work.” Aaron placed a magazine on the counter. “I’ll take this. It has some good tips on grafting I wanna look at.”
“It’s only you two?” Austin peered around. “Where’s the owner?”
“Back issues. He’s scheduling surgery and asked me ’n Harlan to work here while he recovers.”
“Well…” I shot Cort a look. “Once again Cort is being nice. He asked Cort to work here. Cort, knowing I needed a job not around alcohol, suggested me, and Race agreed, giving me a test period. If I slip up once, I’m out.”
Aaron nodded. “I get that. When I got outta jail, no one wanted to give me a job either. It took me months. It ain’t easy out there, so I hope you make it.”
In my old life, Aaron was a person I’d never look at, never mind speak to as an equal. None of these people were. Strippers and store clerks didn’t travel in my previous social circle. All that changed the more we got to know each other. Each of them had more heart, courage, and resilience than anyone I’d met.
“Thanks. I guess we all have to live with stigmas.”
“You’re correct,” Rhoades, Austin’s boyfriend, addressed me. “But what’s important is moving past that stigma and being true to yourself. I’ve done work with your old firm, and you’re better off without them. Their way of thinking is fast becoming obsolete. I’ve never made a secret of my sexuality, and I’m sure it’s cost me jobs. But it’s my belief that it led me to even better ones. Austin and Frankie used to dance at a strip club, where some people believe that gives them the right to treat them like property. But their experiences at Man Up have enabled them both to live their dream, and Cort, I think, has some plans as well. And now Aaron too has finally found his passion.”
What Rhoades said made perfect sense. “One thing I’ve learned in the past year is nothing’s guaranteed. Years ago, if you had told me I’d be friends with gay strippers and working in a bookstore, I’d have asked what you were smoking. And probably smoked it with you.”
“And now?”
“‘It isn’t what we say or think that defines us, but what we do.’ I’m learning to do better because I was the poster child for doing the worst. Plus, I can’t be afraid any longer for people to know who I am. I have nothing to hide.”
“Jane Austen, huh?” Cort nudged me, his eyes warm and bright. “Way to try and impress my friends.”
“I have to pull out the big guns.”
We stood there staring at each other, and I wondered if I had the same goofy smile on my face Cort did. And if I did, I didn’t care.
“Uh, well, okay, you two. Maybe you’d like to come over some night next week for dinner when you’re off, Cort?” Frankie held Aaron’s hand. “That invite includes you too, Harlan. Me ’n Aaron wanna show off the house, now that it’s done. We’re thinkin’ about starting a tradition. Family night.”
I left it up to Cort to answer, and from his grin, I’d say we’d be heading to Brooklyn.
“I’ll call you, and we’ll make a plan.” Cort hugged Frankie first, then Aaron. I watched him say good-bye to Rhoades, and I wondered at how easily those men had been accepted into their little friends’ group. Would I ever belong, or would I always remain on the outside looking in?
“Harlan?”
