“I don’t know.”
But I did. I bent to kiss him, and he met me halfway, sliding his hand around my neck, his fingers digging into my scalp. His lips were warm and smooth against mine, soft but demanding, and I let him take the lead. I wanted him to.
“Harlan, is this real?” Cort broke away from me, breathing hard.
“It damn well better be.”
He wrapped his arms around me, and I lifted my mouth to his, greedy to be kissed again. Craving it. And Cort recognized what I needed and gave it to me. His tongue pushed past my lips, and I sucked it eagerly, relishing its firm smoothness. I reeled, dizzy from the incredible sweetness pouring through me, replacing the cloak of bitterness I’d wrapped myself in.
Cort wanted to keep it gentle and peaceful, but that wasn’t for me. Not tonight. I needed it hard and fast to push away all the ugliness and denial. I wanted him to hurt me, use me like I deserved to be used. Make me as ugly as I felt.
But damn him, with those lips that kissed me slow and lingering, so achingly warm, my body throbbed and my head spun. Damn those hands of his that stroked me from top to bottom, fingers trailing lightly over my face, pausing briefly at my mouth to let me suck them one by one.
“I didn’t think—”
“That’s your problem. We need less thinking and a lot more fucking.” Anxious to get started, I shifted against him, and my erection brushed against his muscled, hairy leg. The friction sent prickles down my spine.
Cort held my face between his hands, studying me. I met his gaze unflinchingly.
“Okay, then.” He pushed me back, and I pulled him down with me, our lips clinging, hands frantic to caress every exposed inch of skin. He pinned me to the bed, and my insides melted to jelly. Maddeningly slow, Cort traced a burning wet path on my body with his tongue. Beginning with my neck, he sucked and nibbled his way across my chest, flicking at each nipple.
“Don’t. Stop it.”
Cort sat back, an anxious expression creasing his brow. “Did I hurt you?”
“Of course not. I don’t need all that. Let’s get going.” I stroked myself. “I’m ready.”
The moonlight kept his face in silhouette, but I made out the gleam of his smile. “Darlin’, we ain’t even begun yet.”
Without letting me speak, he kissed me again, and I wanted to protest. To tell him I didn’t need all this buildup. A quick, hard fuck was all it took. No need for whispers and soft touches. Sex, much like life, was something to do and get on with.
But the words died on my lips as he continued to kiss me, not fiercely like before, but soft and sweet. His mouth left a trail of fire as he teased down my body, his tongue tracing around my armpit, then dipping into my belly button. I flailed, then clawed at the sheets, and I heard him chuckle.
“Lord, if you aren’t the best-lookin’ thing I’ve ever seen in the middle of the night.”
As if I weighed nothing, he pushed my legs up to my chest, and I shivered at how exposed I was. How vulnerable.
“Wh-what’re you doing?” I hated how weak and trembling my voice sounded. Like a broken man.
A wet softness licked across my hole, and I froze. His tongue. Cort’s tongue. The gentle licks turned harder and traced around the rim, then slid inside. A loud noise echoed in the stillness, and I realized it was me, moaning. I thought to shift away but instead spread my legs wider, hoping he’d never stop.
“More, please.” Shameless now, I pushed up against Cort, the ache simmering inside turning painful. “I need…I need…”
“What? Tell me.” Cort hovered over me and traced my lips with his finger. I groaned again, a longer, drawn-out sound I was certain I’d never made before. He rubbed the head of my wet cock and slid a sticky finger inside me.
I dug my heels into the bed and worked myself on his hand. “Fuck me, Cort, goddammit. Fuck me already. I need it.”
He smiled and slid out of me, then pulled off his boxers. I finally got a look at his cock up close. It was gorgeous: thick and hard, the smooth head already wet and glistening. My insides clenched, and I struggled to breathe. It had been so long. If I let him inside me, I’d never be the same. How could I take that risk?
“You sure?”
No. I don’t deserve you. I’ll use you. Hurt you. You’re too nice for me. I’m not a good person.
He cupped my cheek. “You know how much I want you.”
If I didn’t say a word, it wouldn’t hurt as much when it was over. I caught his face between my palms and kissed him hard, arching up against him, rubbing our cocks together. He broke away from me, his breath coming in rapid pants.
“Be right back.”
