I shook my head and raised my foot to the next step. Sweat broke out on my forehead and trickled down my neck. My head spun and I faltered, unable to move. Aaron put his arm around me, and I slumped against him.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I feel so stupid. Like, I should be over this by now.”
“Says who? You’ll be ready when you are. And until then, we take the elevator.”
With his arm still holding me upright, I let him steer me down the two steps I’d managed, and we waited for the elevator.
“Thank you for being here.”
“That’s what I want. To be here for you, like you been for me.”
The elevator door slid open, and I said nothing during the short ride, angry with myself that I wasn’t as strong as I believed.
“You want something to drink?” I asked when we walked inside the apartment. I tossed my keys into the bowl and dumped my bag on the floor. “I need a water.”
“Yeah, I guess.” He sat down on the sofa, and I joined him, handing him his bottle of water. “In the car…” Aaron’s hands shook slightly when he twisted the bottle cap. He drank the water down and wiped his lips with the back of his hand before continuing. “I wanted you so badly, I didn’t think of the place or what you wanted. Only me. It was like before.”
“Before you went away?”
“Yeah. And I don’t wanna be like that.”
“But you’re not. We’re talking now instead of using sex to cover up our problems.”
“But—”
I put my fingers over his mouth. “Stop beating yourself up. It’s okay to want me. I like that. I want you bad too. But not before we talk it all out and learn to trust again.” I tucked my feet up under me and faced him. “Remember the night it all went down?”
Aaron paled, his normal olive complexion turning a sickly shade of yellow. “Yeah.”
“I think we need to talk about it.”
“Frankie, man—”
“I need this. Especially after what just happened on the stairs. I need you to open up to me. To tell me why. We can’t keep skirting around the issue by fooling around every time you don’t wanna talk about shit.”
A sheen of sweat glistened on his forehead. “It makes me sick. Thinking what I did. Sick and ashamed. I hurt you and this guy whose only fault was being in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“Do you know how he is now?”
“No,” Aaron said, shaking his head. “I can’t contact him. They warned me to stay away. And I’m never going back into that bar again.”
“He’s okay.”
Dumbfounded, Aaron stared at me. “You…you’ve spoken with him?”
“After the trial. I had to make sure.”
“Oh.” He picked at a tear in his jeans. “Wh-what’d he say?”
“Well, obviously he doesn’t want to see you. But there’s no permanent damage. He had a broken jaw and a concussion.”
“It was horrible. That whole night. Hitting him, not even realizing what I was doing until the cops came in and arrested me…” His face wet, Aaron swiped at his cheeks with his arm. “And the worst thing was at the end, finding out that you were hurt. I was so stupid.”
“You were, yeah. And over what? That I got home late after dancing and you thought I was meeting someone else afterward? When did I ever give you a reason to think I was cheating on you?”
“I was drinking. You know I get stupid when I drink.”
“Stupid is one thing. You were cruel and vicious. And you hurt me.” I’d waited a year to feel I had my feet under me to face this time with Aaron.
