Pain squeezed his chest, and Jeremy’s face grew tight. “He always said that, and I hated it. I’m not perfect. No one is. But he couldn’t get past it.”
“It was in his head, and he couldn’t shake it, but hedidchange. He came alive and found himself. You did that for him. So you go to him and talk it out. Bring him back. He needs to know that he’s more than his job, more than being a brother and uncle. Tell him he’s yours and you’re not going to leave him no matter what.”
Fascinated by her insight into Blake, Jeremy found himself nodding as she spoke. “But I’ve told him all that. I don’t care what he does or where he works. There’s something about him…” Embarrassed at exposing his heart in front of a stranger, Jeremy broke off and shrugged.
“I know.” Cassandra patted his shoulder. “So,” she said briskly as if they’d concluded a deal, then reached across the table to pull a pad and pen in front of her. She flipped the pad open and jotted something down, then tore out the paper and held it to him. “This is where he works now.”
Jeremy stared at the paper. What the hell was Blake doing out there? “He didn’t want to listen to me the last time we spoke.”
“Blake can be stubborn.” Her red lips curved into a smile. “But you don’t look like the kind of guy who takes no for an answer very well. I’m betting”—she stood, and Jeremy rose with her, understanding she’d most likely given him more time than she had—“you can be pretty persuasive if you want to be. Do whatever you can to make him see what’s in front of his face. You know what they say. ‘All’s fair in love and war.’”
With the paper folded and stowed securely in his pocket, Jeremy followed her out the door. That was the second time he’d heard that comparison, but now he had his mission in hand.
If this was a battle, Jeremy was planning on pulling out the big guns. He had no intention of losing.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Two nights withlittle sleep hadn’t dimmed his enthusiasm. Blake had spent every minute outside of the office working on a business plan. And at each step of the way he emailed Cassandra, asking her advice, seeking input, and fueling her excitement in their potential joint venture.
The daily routine at the storefront weighed on him like an iron yoke. It wasn’t that he thought the work beneath him. On the contrary, he’d begun to see the valuable service he provided to people who didn’t understand the government or were frightened whenever the name of the IRS was brought up. The night before, he’d lain in bed in his apartment, thinking how much more worthwhile his life was now that he could save a working father’s money on his taxes for his special-needs child, than to figure out how to hide a corporation’s assets in an offshore account.
And always, hovering at the edge of his mind, never far from his thoughts, was Jeremy. Not a day went by when he didn’t want to pick up the phone and call him or wait by his apartment building, pretending to run into him so he could see him. Now he understood what the poets he read in high school meant when they wrote about emptiness of the soul.
Blake ached for Jeremy. He longed to feel those gentle hands on his skin, rough when they needed to be, teasing him to oblivion. He’d do anything to be able to return to the early times in their relationship when making love in front of an open window turned him on so profoundly, he’d come without being touched. Occasionally now he’d manage to get hard for a bit, and he’d desperately seek release, imagining it was Jeremy’s slick hands moving over him, sliding on his cock. And he’d come on a sob of painful pleasure, knowing he’d ruined their perfect relationship because of his cowardice and shame.
He’d burned those bridges with Jeremy, who’d stopped calling and texting him, obviously moving on with his life. Not that Blake hadn’t expected it to happen. Jeremy was a dynamic man and lover and wouldn’t sit at home every night like Blake did, lamenting the past. Jeremy was a doer. A man who sees what he wants and goes after it. And Blake was…not that. He was a hider from problems and life. He wondered what Jeremy would think of the plan he and Cassandra had come up with. It wasn’t as prestigious as being a partner in a firm, nor would he ever earn as much money. But there was something to be said for peace of mind and being able to look at oneself in the mirror every day and know you’ve made a person’s life a bit easier.
On the train ride home, he finalized some plans and emailed them off to Cassandra. Because he was scrimping for every dime and saving what he could, dinner was a cheese sandwich on white bread that he put in the oven to heat up and melt. Sitting on his sofa, staring into space while he chewed the sticky sandwich, he wondered where Jeremy was tonight and who he was with. The sandwich tasted like paste and after a few bites, he tossed it onto the plate and drank a glass of water. The fact remained that nothing tasted good anymore. Blake knew he’d lost weight, but he didn’t care all that much.
The phone rang, and in the absolute stillness of his apartment, it startled him. People rarely called him, and he’d already spoken to his sister. He grabbed it and hit the button to answer, not recognizing the number. “Yeah? Hello?”
“Blake? Is that you?”
The voice sounded familiar, yet he couldn’t place it exactly. “Who’s this?” he asked, his voice strident, his hand clutching the phone.
“It’s Noah. Jeremy’s brother.”
Fear bottomed out in his stomach, and Blake’s heart began to race. “Is he okay?”
“What? Yes, everything’s fine. I mean, it’s not great, obviously, because I’m making this phone call.” Noah stopped and chuckled. “I sound like Jeremy now, talking a mile a minute. I’m calling because I wanted to know if there was anything I could do to help you and my brother reconcile. I’m trained in couples therapy, so please. Use me if you need to.”
A spark of something resembling hope stirred the ashes of his heart. “You mean he isn’t seeing anyone else?”
“You don’t forget love in a few weeks. It doesn’t happen overnight or disappear that way either.”
“I thought…” He sighed and fell back on the sofa, staring at the cracked ceiling. “I don’t know what I’m thinking anymore.”
“He’s hurting. Badly. And he’d be angry as hell at me for making this call because he’d want you to call him for your own reasons, not because I asked you, but you know him. He’s not as tough as he looks.”
The first genuine laugh he’d managed in weeks burst from his lips. “He’d so kill you if he heard you say that.”
“So it’ll be our secret.” Noah paused. “Why’d you leave him? You have to know he loves you.”
Pain seared through him. “I—I do. And I love him too.”
“Then you try to make it work. You know he can sometimes make mistakes and say the wrong things, but he’s got the biggest heart. If he did something wrong, tell him.”
“It’s not him. It’s me. Jeremy’s perfect.”
