Still laughing, Adam climbed down from the rig and joined Patrick in the break room. Since he’d started seeing Rico, Adam no longer had the desire to work extra shifts. When he got home from his twelve hours, he’d take a nap and then wait for Rico to come over, or sometimes he’d go over to Rico’s place. Either way, they’d worked out a routine where if they had free time, they spent it together, naked and in bed.
Patrick gestured to the sofa. “Sit down, take a load off, and you can tell me where the hell you’ve been hiding for the past month.”
Instantly tense, Adam took his time, pouring himself a cup of coffee from the pot before formulating a response. He’d never been addicted to the stuff like so many others, but Rico was a night owl and kept him up late, so he’d gotten used to drinking it to stay awake. Sex with Rico was like nothing Adam had ever expected; the man presented to the world a private, closed-off facade, which made him seem cold and uncaring, but Adam had learned that was nothing like the real Rico. To him, Rico showed a wildly uninhibited side, especially when he was inside Adam, making him scream with pleasure.
“Uh, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve been here like always.” He drank his coffee, still not used to the bitter flavor. Maybe some sugar would make it better.
“I didn’t say you weren’t. But I’ve seen you staring at the wall, lookin’ at nothin’ like you were thinking some bad thoughts.” Patrick hesitated. “Is it still about what you told us? What happened at home?”
Funny how it didn’t hurt as much now as it had a few months earlier. In fact, Adam recalled with a start, he hadn’t thought about Wayne for about a week. A record, considering that for the past ten years not a day had gone by without Adam seeing Wayne’s face whenever he closed his eyes.
“N-no. I’m fine. Really.” Adam forced a smile. “See?”
“See what? That ain’t a smile; you look like you’ve got gas. Listen, kid.” Patrick gulped down the rest of his coffee and pushed the cup aside. “How long you’ve been coming to my house since PJ came out? A year, year and a half?”
“Yeah.” Next to pulling a child out of a burning building, being there for PJ after he came out to his parents was one of the most important moments of Adam’s life.
“Right. So I know you pretty good. You got a heart of gold, but you’re too serious.”
“Um, thanks.” He finished his coffee and crumpled the cup.
“So you should listen to me when I tell you, it ain’t good to be by yourself. You’re a nice guy. I’m sure you want a boyfriend, someone steady to come home to.”
With a practiced smile, Adam shook his head. “I’m good. Not everyone wants to be tied down to the same person.”
“Yeah? That ain’t what you told PJ. You told him now he can find a boyfriend and date and maybe get married one day. No differences, not anymore.”
He shifted under the intense scrutiny of Patrick’s stare but said nothing.
“So why is that advice good for my kid and not you?”
“It’s different. The world PJ’s growing up in is a more tolerant one. It might not seem so, but even as little as ten years ago, I couldn’t have imagined myself in PJ’s place. I have my share of fun. No need to worry about me.” He stood. “I’m gonna take my lunch now. Talk to you later.”
Leaving Patrick scowling, he walked to the locker room to grab his wallet from his locker, absently smiling at the other firefighters as he passed. Earlier good thoughts, ones of him and Rico laughing and making love until they were too exhausted to move, had now been banished, and the familiar ugly darkness rose up, taking him back to that barn ten years ago when he had lost everything.
To prevent himself from falling to pieces in front of everyone, Adam concentrated on opening his locker and getting out of the firehouse while he remained whole. He needed to leave before Patrick, well-meaning and caring as he was, came looking for him to continue their discussion. Adam practically raced outside into the warm spring afternoon and headed to the little park down the block. He paid scant attention to his surroundings; neither the beautiful flowers nor the enticing aromas from the little Italian pastry shop on the corner made an impact. Instead, like a man possessed, he entered the park, found the nearest bench, and huddled in the corner, heedless of the metal armrest digging into his back. Memories washed over him.
Adam had no idea how long he sat with the breeze playing over him and the sound of the neighborhood children screaming with laughter from a not-too-far-off schoolyard or playground.
“Adam? What’s wrong?”
A familiar voice penetrated his foggy brain, and he squinted up into the sun, momentarily blinded by the dazzling light.
“Huh?”
“It’s me. You okay?” Rico sat down next to Adam and peered into his face.
They hadn’t seen each other in several days; Adam had been on shift, and Rico had been busy prepping dinner parties. Rico had explained that once it got nice outside, people liked to have impromptu weekend meals, which required him and Gideon to pull late hours planning menus and ordering supplies.
“Yeah. What’re you doing here? Aren’t you working?”
Rico’s long legs stretched out in front of him, and Adam admired the strength in his thick, muscular thighs. A slow rolling ache of pleasure hummed inside him, a familiar sensation every time Rico came near.
“Yeah, but it’s such a nice day, I volunteered to go pick up our bread from Donato’s.” The bakery was a Carroll Gardens staple, and at the thought of their fresh, crusty semolina bread, Adam’s stomach growled.
“Sorry. I didn’t have lunch.”
Concern rose in Rico’s eyes. “You sure you’re all right? You didn’t sleep too well the last time we were together. You kept moving around and mumbling a lot.”
