“I think I can handle it. If I’m not mistaken, there might be many nights like these ahead.”
After staring in disbelief for another moment, Zach gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Nothing’s changed you know.”
“Oh darling, everything’s changed, but it’s all good. Being here tonight and seeing how happy Julian finally is made me understand how I’ve cheated you.”
“Mom, no—”
“Yes. Now listen to me.” She drew him off to the side and in bemusement he went, uncertain as to what other things she’d say.
“You go with Sam and you find that happiness you deserve. For years I held you back, don’t tell me no, I know what I did,” she said when he opened his mouth to protest. Her expression remained clear, her eyes unwavering in their honesty. “I see the damage I did and how wrong I was. I look around and see Julian so happy now with Nick, and I want that for you. You deserve a relationship and a family. You deserve everything.”
“I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, but you have a man now and a chance at happiness and a good life. Don’t waste that love; grab it, hold it tight, and treasure it. You never know how long you’ll have it. Go with your heart.”
Her words reverberated in his head during the drive back to Sam’s. While he understood what she was saying, seeing Sam with his former lover brought back all his old insecurities crawling through his head, whispering how he’d never measure up to a man like Andy, making him question why would Sam want him, now that his old lover was back.
He’d sat pretending to listen to his friends, all the while surreptitiously eyeing Sam with Andy across the room. He could barely choke down his hurt watching Andy put his hand on Sam’s chest, and Sam accepting his touch. The food had tasted like sawdust in his mouth, and he’d pictured his future once again bleak and lonely.
His mother spoke of love, Zach thought bitterly, but who needed it if all it brought was this searing doubt and fear twisting through his nerves, leaving him tense and on edge? No wonder Marcus disparaged emotional ties; in the end, he might be the smartest one of all.
And yet…Zach glanced over at Sam’s profile, silhouetted in the dim interior of the car, and wondered. Yesterday, after the kite flying and the walk on the beach, Zach had never felt as close to another person as he did with Sam. He even dared to think maybe Sam would say he loved him.
Was he wrong letting his old self-doubt eat away at his newly acquired yet still shaky confidence? Andy’s return didn’t mean Sam would want to resuscitate their relationship; last night Sam made it clear not only with his body but with his words the relationship was dead and he wanted Zach.
Mine. Zach would never forget hearing Sam say the word to him.
“What?” Sam shot him a look.
“Nothing.”
Sam gripped the steering wheel, working his jaw as if holding back on words threatening to spill out. They hit every green light coming off the Brooklyn Bridge, and in less than ten minutes, pulled into the parking spot in the front yard reserved for Sam’s car. Silently, he trailed into the house behind Sam, his frustration growing.
“Why did you bring me here if you didn’t want to talk to me?”
“What did you mean in the car?” said Sam, ignoring his question.
Confused, Zach ran through the minimal conversation they’d engaged in. “What’re you talking about? We barely spoke.”
Sam spun around and backed him flat up against the wall; not touching him but making it impossible for Zach to move. There was no fear—instead Zach’s breath caught in his throat and a curl of desire streaked through his blood, hardening his cock. An unreadable expression remained on Sam’s face, his hot breath fanning against Zach’s cheek.
“Mine.” Sam’s lips hovered close to his. “You said ‘mine’ in the car. What did you mean?”
Oh. Damn. For the first time Zach wished he was more like Marcus, with a string of curses ripe and ready to go. Had he really said that out loud?
“Uh.” He licked his lips. “I, I don’t remember saying that.”
“But you did,” said Sam, his voice a low growl of promise. “Did you mean it, like you did last night? Like I meant it.” The touch of his lips intoxicated Zach, his brain short-circuiting into overdrive, spinning him away.
Zach gasped, the touch of Sam’s fingers sending aching jolts through his body. “Do you still?” It was becoming harder to stand on his feet, and he sagged against the wall, trapped between it and Sam’s large frame.
“Still what?” Sam nuzzled at Zach’s neck.
Stifling a moan, Zach said hoarsely, his voice full of need, “Still want me?”
The warmth of Sam’s face molded against his own; they stood in the moonlight of the room, holding one another. Sam’s lips whispered a trail of heated kisses down his neck, coming to rest in the hollow of his throat. “I never stopped.”
Zach’s blood beat strong and hot. “I thought—”
