“Yes. But that love was a lie and forced me to realize I wasn’t as good a judge of people as I’d thought. He hid everything from me—his addiction, his cheating.” Tash swallowed. “His disease.”
The ground beneath Brandon shifted. “He was positive?”
Tash nodded. “He was, but that wasn’t what he died from. He’d become hooked on drugs while we were together, and it took over more and more of his life until he ran away. And all the while I had no idea what was happening. The next time we saw him, it was too late.”
Brandon sat back, stricken. In the early days after he ran away and lived on the streets, he’d spent some time in shelters and seen men who’d suffered from AIDS. Gaunt, hollowed-eyed men who sat motionless, waiting to die, long ago having given up on a life that had never shown them any kindness.
But not Tash, God, no, please.
Tash squeezed his hand for a brief, hard second. “I’m not positive, if that’s what has you looking so devastated. Danny and I hadn’t had a physical relationship for well over a year before he died. The only reason we knew he was in the hospital is they found Gage’s number in his wallet when he was brought in for an overdose.” Tash stared into the darkness of the kitchen. “He lingered for days, and we were at his bedside at the end.”
“Gage?” Brandon blinked, thoroughly confused. “What did he have to do with it?”
“Danny was Gage’s brother.” Tash stood and walked over to the sink. He flipped a switch, and the overhead lights turned on. He took a bottle of water from the refrigerator and drank it down as if he were parched.
Brandon slumped in his chair, his mind whirling feverishly with all the information Tash had given him. He jumped when Tash put a hand on his shoulder, looking down at him, grim-faced.
“Don’t get involved with me. I’m not the person you think I am. I can’t give you what you need.” He finished the bottle of water. “Let’s head out to the shelter.” He strode out of the room.
Brandon followed him, his mind still working at a furious pace. He wanted to do something for this man who was still in such obvious pain over a former lover. Maybe the two of them could be lovers without involving their pasts. Brandon was incredibly attracted to Tash, and he sensed Tash felt the same about him. That explosive kiss laid the groundwork for further exploration. Brandon had spent years perfecting who he was, pushing aside the life he’d left behind, but was now taking a tentative step back into the light. Tash needed to move beyond his pain, and Brandon wanted to help him on that journey.
Not all memories were pleasant, and sometimes they deserved to be forgotten.
Chapter Six
It was easier to take a cab to the Lower East Side than for Tash to take the car and look for parking. They found one easily enough and settled into the backseat. Randy was silent, probably processing all that information Tash had dumped on him, so Tash kept quiet, his own thoughts a mass of confusion as well.
What had possessed him to talk about Danny, to tell Randy about him? Tash knew he was kidding himself. In the shadows by the sink, for a brief moment, Randy had reminded Tash of Danny. Though the two were nothing alike, it was the joy of sharing his life with someone, having another person around to talk to and do the mundane, everyday things with that brought the sweet ache of Tash’s loneliness to the surface. How many nights before Danny had left him did they spend together in this kitchen, joking around, cooking, and cleaning up, then retiring to the bedroom to make sweet and passionate love? Though the hurt of betrayal was long gone, Tash still mourned a life lost so senselessly.
After that shattering kiss he and Randy had shared before, Tash wanted nothing more than to rip the man’s clothes off and make love to him right there on his sofa. Instead, he’d done the mature thing and pulled away before he’d lost his head. Who was he kidding anyway? The guy was young and gorgeous. The last thing Randy needed was an older man with a head crowded with baggage. Randy was reacting like any young man full of hormones. “Hooking up,” they called it these days, sex without strings or expectations. Foolish, dangerous, and not for him.
After about three-quarters of an hour, thanks to the usual horrendous traffic on the Manhattan Bridge—no matter the time of day or night—the car stopped in front of the shelter. Tash paid the driver, and they got out. It looked like the depressing place it was on the outside—dark brick, graffiti on the cement wall outside, and garbage pails strewn about the sidewalk. Who would think that around the corner, real estate developers were gobbling up property and converting them to million-dollar apartments. Tash couldn’t imagine living here.
“Come, let’s go inside; it’s getting colder as we stand here.”
Randy nodded and followed him as they entered the shelter’s warmth. Tash greeted the security guard at the front desk. “Hey, Vic. How’s it going tonight?” He shook the big man’s hand. Victor had been here for years, and they were all thankful Wanda had someone around like him, who made sure everyone behaved and didn’t act up.
“Good, Doc. Can’t complain. Wanda’s in the back. She’s getting ready for the dinner service, I think.”
“Excellent. Thanks. This is Randy. He’s going to be helping on some projects with me and the other guys.”
Randy stuck out his hand. “Hi, Vic. Nice to meet you.”
Vic shook his hand, and Tash could see Vic taking Randy’s measure, checking him out. “Nice to meet you too.”
“Randy’s a third-grade teacher in Brooklyn.”
Vic raised a brow. “One of those fancy private schools?”
Randy laughed out loud. “Hardly. My school’s in Bushwick.”
“Well, all right, then.” Vic nodded with obvious approval.
They said their good-byes and headed down the hallway to the back. Tash pointed out the various rooms to Randy before they came to the door marked OFFICE. He stopped and knocked.
“Come on in.”
Tash grinned at Randy, who looked a bit nervous. “You’ll love her.”
