“What had you so worried; will you tell me? Maybe I can help.” Once again, Tash moved closer. “Talk to me. I’m not here to judge or hurt you. It’s my job to help people.” Once again, he placed a hand on Brandon’s shoulder, and Brandon shivered. The simple act of Tash’s hand on any part of his body was enough to send unfamiliar sparks through Brandon. His mind might not understand, but his body did. And his body wanted Tash.
“I already told you.”
Tash shook his head. “You can trust me, you know. I’d never reveal anything you tell me. You may not be a patient of mine, but I would consider anything you told me privileged.”
Everyone Brandon had ever trusted had let him down in some way or another, whether by their own fault or outside influences. The last person he’d trusted was Gabriel, and he’d died. Brandon didn’t know who to blame in that instance, since he’d stopped believing in God years before.
Tash meant well, and Brandon couldn’t deny he was incredibly attracted to him, but wanting to kiss someone and trusting them were on two opposite sides of the spectrum.
“I told you it was silliness on my part. I’ll work through it.” Changing the subject, he pressed Tash for more information. “When can we go to the shelter? I’d love to meet this Wanda you talk so glowingly about.”
“We can go tonight if you’d like. Since tomorrow’s Saturday, we can stop by the center, and you can see what’s going on there.”
“Great. Should we go now?” He jumped off the sofa and collected his and Tash’s dirty mugs, took them to the kitchen sink, and washed them. After placing them on the drying rack, he turned around, only to find Tash standing in the doorway, an odd look on his face. “What’s the matter?”
Tash didn’t answer, merely stared at him, unseeing, his eyes clouded by grief. Brandon rushed to his side and placed his hands on Tash’s shoulders. “Tash, is something wrong?” Without waiting for an answer, Brandon held Tash close, feeling his breath gusting damp and hot past Brandon’s ear.
“It’s okay. Whatever it is, don’t worry,” Brandon whispered into Tash’s hair. He rested his hands on Tash’s hips as the man clung to him, deep inside his own personal pain.
Tash pulled back, but Brandon kept his arms loose around Tash’s waist. Their eyes met, and Brandon saw the wetness gleaming in Tash’s gaze. Without a second thought, Brandon raised his hand to Tash’s face, the pad of his thumb skimming lightly across Tash’s cheek. “I can help you too, if you’ll let me.”
In the darkening light of the kitchen, it seemed the most natural thing, standing with Tash in his arms, for Brandon to kiss him. It started out as a sweet kiss of comfort, soft lips barely touching, bodies loose and cool. But as Tash’s mouth moved with increasing fervor over his, unaccustomed desire flared hot and deep within Brandon, awakening a firestorm in his blood. He groaned deep in his throat.
Their mouths slanted across each other’s as their hunger rose. It grew into something fierce and almost primitive within Brandon. He molded his body flush up against Tash’s, feeling every bump and curve of the man, including his rock-hard erection. He moaned against Tash’s mouth, unashamed of the intensity of his outburst. This was what he’d been missing. Every fumbling kiss, every hesitant touch prior to this moment now seemed pallid, unremarkable, and forgettable.
This was the magic.
The teasing flicker of Tash’s tongue was everywhere; first in Brandon’s ear, then tracing the seam of his lips. Tash’s lips trailed hot and wet along Brandon’s jaw, sucking at his neck, only to return to once again capture Brandon’s mouth. This wasn’t a kiss; Brandon was consumed.
Brandon clutched at Tash’s shoulders and pushed his tongue into Tash’s eagerly waiting mouth, where it was greedily accepted. For several moments they remained plastered together, hips rocking, and tongue-fucking each other until Tash groaned and wrenched away, his eyes shining fever-bright in the last vestiges of the twilight streaming in through the window.
They both stood, chests heaving as if coming off a grueling race, neither one breaking eye contact with the other. Tash’s reddened mouth gleamed as he rubbed his bottom lip with a finger.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have allowed that to happen.”
Confused, Brandon took a step forward, while Tash took the corresponding step back. “Why not? We’re both adults. You aren’t seeing anyone, are you?” While he waited for Tash to answer, a flash of unfamiliar jealousy ripped through Brandon.
“No, I’m not, but surely you can see this isn’t right.” Keeping his distance, Tash circled around Brandon to enter the kitchen and sit down at the wide wooden table. “I’m much older than you, probably ten years, at least. You should be out with people your own age having fun. I’m not the right person.”
“So not knowing anything about me, you think you can decide who I should kiss?” Brandon sat at the table opposite Tash.
“I know that you are incredibly attractive, smart, and young. The three deadly sins for an older man like me.”
Irritated, Brandon lashed out. “You make yourself out like you’re not an older man but an old man. For Christ’s sake, stop being ridiculous. I couldn’t sit around a bar with a bunch of dumb jocks talking football or the stock market. I’d be bored to death.” He hitched his chair closer to Tash’s and tried to take his hand, but Tash pulled away. “I may only be twenty-five, but trust me when I say I’ve lived a lifetime already.”
Tash said nothing; he averted his eyes and stared off into nothingness of the dark kitchen.
In fact, Brandon had no idea what he wanted, but the shocking kiss from Tash had awakened something that had lain undiscovered, tightly furled within him. All his life he’d teetered on a tightrope of fear, forced to live on the edge of society, afraid to say anything to anyone or even to fight back against the hurt. He’d lived a life closed off and shuttered tight, with no opportunity for friends or lovers. Only when he’d run away and learned to live on his own did he see what he’d been missing, and in his job he gave everything inside him to the kids he taught.
Meeting these people last night had altered him and shifted his outlook. He wanted to be part of something bigger than himself, of course for the children because he loved them, and he’d made a promise to take care of them. Now, though, there was another, perhaps selfish reason. Brandon wanted to be part of this because it would keep him close to Tash. Inexplicable passion sizzled between the two of them, awakening him as if he’d been asleep all these years. His body hummed with want, and he had every intention of exploring his desire. For the first time he knew what he wanted, and even though he had no experience in love affairs—or even sex, for that matter—he wanted Tash.
“What upset you so much before?” He placed his hand on Tash’s, which rested on top of the smooth surface of the table. Brandon was surprised Tash didn’t pull away, yet he didn’t curl his fingers around Brandon’s palm and squeeze his hand but rather let it rest, damp and listless.
Tash began to talk, pain evident from his choked voice.
“I was reminded of someone I used to know. A mistake I’d made with the most horrific consequences imaginable. And even though it happened five years ago, I can’t forget. It’s colored my whole outlook on life and drives me in everything I do.”
Brandon’s heart sank. “Someone you loved?” His question came out tentatively, since he’d already guessed the answer but wanted to punish himself by hearing it.
