After inhaling a deep breath, Drew blew it out with a gusty sigh. “I’m sorry with every breath in my body. I’ve beaten myself to death with my guilt over the very fact that if I’d done as you said, Keith would be alive. It was my fault he died, and I let you push me away because it was easier to lose your friendship than to beg you to save it. I knew you hated me—”
“No, now you have to stop. D, please.” Jordan shook off his hands. “Look at me.” A moment passed before Drew picked up his head, anguish etched in his face. Without any hesitation, Jordan cupped his jaw. “I could never hate you. I’m the one who’s sorry. I never should’ve let this happen. It’s true I resented you at first, and I let that take over whatever good sense I had left at the time.” His mind chased briefly to the pills he’d taken this morning and how already his anxiety had come fluttering back to life, beating against his chest, blooming through his bloodstream. This wasn’t the time to think about how he craved something, anything to make it all disappear. Forcing his mind back to Drew, he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment to re-center himself.
“I was wrong. It more than likely would’ve happened the same way whether you waited or not for backup. Keith wasn’t wearing his bulletproof vest—why would he when he was off duty and attending a party? He should never have gone there without it on.” Jordan took Drew’s hands in his. “I’m sorry for shutting you out and resenting your happiness. I’ve treated you horribly, and I know we can’t go back, but can we start again? The thought of losing you—and Mike and Rachel as well—is killing me. I’ll do anything to make it right between us again.”
He bit his lip, watching the play of emotions flicker across Drew’s face. Then, to his eternal relief, Drew’s sweet smile broke out, wiping away all traces of fear, grief, and hurt.
“Oh, Jordy, it should be me begging for forgiveness, but if this will help you, of course. But please forgive me as well for my stupid, impetuous behavior. My life this past year sucked, even with all the good things that happened to me. Nothing was the same without having you there to share it with me.”
They sat and grinned at each other, and Jordan could almost hear Keith’s voice in his head.I’m proud of you, babe. You did the right thing.
Jordan motioned the waitress over, who he knew had kept away from their table as their conversation unfolded. She now approached, Peter and Elena on her heels.
“Can we both have some more coffee, please?” She poured, her lips curled in disgust, and left in a hurry. Whether it was because she couldn’t handle two gay men who obviously had some sort of personal issues to work out, or the fact that her bosses were standing right on top of her, Jordan had no idea, nor did he care. He had Drew back in his life, and that’s all that mattered at the moment.
“You two are fine now? We missed seeing you here together. It wasn’t the same when it was only you and your good-looking man, Dr. Drew.” Elena teased, and Drew’s cheeks stained red, but Elena continued. “He certainly loves you; that’s for sure. Breaks the girls’ hearts in here all the time when they find out he’s not interested in them, only you.”
Jordan couldn’t help but chuckle to himself as Drew and Elena continued to chat. Drew and Ash. That was still a couple he couldn’t fathom. Ash was one of the few men to set him on edge every time they met. Maybe Jordan couldn’t get past knowing the man and his reputation before Ash had met Drew, yet here Ash was, a year later and stronger than ever with Drew. He’d never believed Asher Davis had the desire or ability to be faithful, but he was glad to be proven wrong. And Drew had never looked happier.
Ash’s place in Drew’s life as his lover and partner did cause part of his own resentment. Jordan’s subsequent displacement as the person Drew turned to for help and guidance left him somewhat adrift in their relationship. This past year and their separation forced him to come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t responsible for Drew’s well-being any longer. They were no longer on the playground where he defended Drew and Mike against the bigger kids; it wasn’t the first day of school when he walked with them to class, showing them the way so they wouldn’t get lost. They didn’t need his protection or help any longer. It had taken him long enough to realize, but the time had come for him to stop running their lives and try to manage his own.
Peter and Elena had finally withdrawn, after enthusing again how happy they were to see them both together. He and Drew were sitting, drinking their coffee, when his phone buzzed with a text. He pulled it out of his pocket, and his day darkened when he saw who it was from.
Hey. Just got back and am getting settled in. How’s the center shaping up? Maybe we can talk about it later?
Lucas. His body quickened and grew tight at the thought of him. The memory of his strong mouth and teasing hands instantly had Jordan craving his touch. His traitorous cock grew hard, pressing against his trousers. It had been sorely neglected since that one time they were together, and it now demanded the satisfaction it knew Lucas could provide.
Angry at how his body flared in response to a mere text from the man, no matter that he hadn’t seen him in almost two months, he shoved the phone back into his pocket. Guilt slammed into him as he recalled his promise to Lucas about cutting back on the pills. He’d barely cut back and was drinking more to compensate for the crushing loneliness that surrounded him when he came home to his empty house. A dog could give him only so much.
“Who’s that? Not that I’m trying to pry or anything, but you looked like you wanted to throw the phone across the room.” Drew finished his food and sat back in the booth.
“Lucas.” He reached for his cup, but it was empty.
“Are you two, um, involved?”
Involved? Jordan didn’t know what the hell they were, and that was his problem. He’d never behaved like this before, jumping into bed with a man, letting his body overrule his mind. With Keith, it had never been a choice. They’d shared something special right from the start. Their relationship had been passionate, sweet, and tender. Love should be peaceful and calm—a serene feeling of trust and caring. It’s what he craved. He’d fallen in love with Keith as easily as breathing. If Keith had lived, Jordan knew he would have loved him forever.
But time was an evil thief of dreams. Keith was gone, taking their love with him. The ricocheting emotions from Jordan’s days spent with Lucas had him constantly on edge, never knowing what was about to happen, wanting something he wasn’t sure of. It was volatile and explosive, the kind of passion that spoke of twisted, sweaty sheets and walls echoing from the groans and cries of lovemaking.
“I have no idea. For the past month and a half he’s been away on business, traveling through Europe and Asia, seeing clients. We’ve kept in touch.” Jordan could hardly tell Drew the truth.If being involved means getting a spectacular blowjob and some amazingly hot sex, then yeah. But then he found my stash of pills, and that’s all he cares about really. Me getting off the drugs, not him and me together.
He signaled the waitress to bring the check. She scuttled over, not meeting his gaze, and dropped it on the table, retreating immediately. Definitely not happy with her gay customers. Screw her.
“Those financial companies will suck the life out of you. Ash has some clients whose families barely see them. Sometimes all it can take is a bad investment decision, or losing one, high-profile client and the company lets them go immediately. No room for error.” Drew pulled out his wallet and dropped a ten-dollar bill on the table. “Take that.”
“Don’t be an asshole. I’m paying. You’ll get the next one.” Jordan pushed the money back and saw a smile tug at Drew’s lips.
“There’s my Jordan. Glad to have you back.” He pocketed the money. “Well, I think you two make a good couple if you’re ready. But he’s nothing like Keith, am I right? He’s very serious and quiet. Ash said he was like that even as a boy.”
Ignoring Drew’s not-so-subtle prying, Jordan chose to satisfy his own curiosity. “Why did Ash leave home? I’m sure you know. Lucas refuses to talk about it, but I know it’s the reason he’s walled himself off from everyone. He’s so resentful of Ash.”
Shutters rolled down over Drew’s face, eliminating his good humor. “I can’t say; it’s not my story to tell. What I can say is that Lucas is wrong about Ash’s feelings and past behavior. Once he was in a position to do so, he never stopped looking for his brothers—Luke or Brandon. It’s all he thought about, and it almost killed him. He still has an investigator looking for Brandon, even now.”
“You saved him, didn’t you, like you always do. You’re a rescuer, Drew. It’s what makes you so special.”
Drew shrugged. “I don’t know about that. He saved me too, from living a life without passion and love, and never taking chances, always allowing other people to tell me what to do.”
“Like me, right?” Jordan couldn’t help but ask, if they were being totally honest with one another now.
