“Yeah, the diner. Sounds good.”
“Okay, great, I’ll see you then. And Jordy?” Drew’s voice softened.
“Yeah?”
“I’m really glad you called.”
“Me too, Drew. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He hung up and smiled. Step one to forgetting Lucas Conover was on track.
* * * *
At nine forty the next morning, Jordan pushed open the glass-fronted door of the Ticktock Diner. As interns and then residents, he and Drew had spent innumerable hours here, drinking endless cups of coffee and eating their enormous breakfasts. They’d met here whenever they could to catch up during the week, when life was so crazy back in those early, sleepless days of their medical careers.
“Dr. Jordan, welcome. So good to see you again.” Peter Stavros, the owner, greeted him, a wide smile on his face. The gray-haired owner and his wife, Elena, came out from behind the counter filled with delicious, home-baked desserts to shake his hand and, in Elena’s case, give him a hug.
“We’ve missed you.” Elena looked him up and down with a critical eye. “You’re too skinny. You haven’t been eating, have you?” Her keen brown gaze missed nothing.
“I’m fine, both of you. Stop worrying.” He accepted her kiss. “Is Drew here? I’m supposed to meet him.”
Peter pointed to the booth they normally sat in. “Yes, he’s been here awhile. Does he have a secret? He looks so happy.”
Holding back his own grin, Jordan shook his head. “Not that I’m aware.” But he knew it was the fact that he’d called, and he took it as a good sign. Jordan only hoped it would turn out with them still remaining friends. “I’ll see you later.”
This place had been his second home ten years ago, his steps taking him past the tables and the long counter, behind which the harried waitstaff called out orders. Most of them had been there for years, and they shouted out greetings to him as he walked by. All of them had shown up for Keith’s funeral, and Peter and Elena had closed the diner for the day, something they never did.
Drew sat in their usual booth, checking his phone.
“Hey, D, how’s it going?” Jordan stopped by the table before sitting down. The smile on Drew’s face told him everything he needed to know. It would be all right. He simply had to get it out, and they could move past this.
“I’m good, great. How are you? You look better than the last time I saw you.” Drew shot him a quick look before slipping his phone in his pocket. “Do you still have the dog?” He pushed his hair back and shook his head. “This fucking sucks, man.”
Jordan slid into the booth. “What does?”
The waitress approached to refill Drew’s coffee, pour Jordan a cup, and take their orders. They waited until she left to start their conversation again.
“We’re talking as if we’re strangers, like people who barely know each other. Jordy, please tell me what happened. What did I do? Whatever it is, I’ll make it right. I can’t stand this.” Drew’s eyes glittered with unshed tears, while his pale skin flushed red.
Jordan steeled himself for what he knew would be the hardest conversation he’d ever had with his best friend. Shit, even coming out to him hadn’t scared Jordan as much.
“It’ll be a year next week that Keith’s been gone.” He watched as Drew’s face softened in sympathy. “I’ve changed so much in this past year I hardly recognize myself anymore, and not all of it has been for the better.”
The waitress approached with a refill of their coffee and their orders. After dealing with condiments and buttering bagels and toast, Jordan began again. “I want to apologize for cutting you out of my life. I was in a bad, dark place, and I blamed you for it.”
After swallowing his eggs, Drew set his fork down on the table and stared at him. “Why? What did I do to you?”
Here goes nothing. He gulped down his coffee, then set the cup down on the table. “I-I blamed you for Keith’s death. Let me finish.” He held up a hand as Drew opened his mouth, whether to defend himself or protest, it didn’t matter. Jordan needed to say what was in his heart and head.
“I tried not to think like that. It destroyed me. Here I’d lost my lover, and I couldn’t turn to you, my best friend, because I blamed you. If only you hadn’t run after those kids. If you’d only waited for backup at your apartment, things might’ve been different.” He glanced up to see tears running down Drew’s face. Shit. He knew this was a bad idea. “D, I’m sorry.” He reached over the table and covered Drew’s hand with his.
“I remember that night, replayed it in my mind a million times, wondering if I could’ve done anything differently.” Drew managed to speak finally, after wiping his tears away with his napkin. He grabbed Jordan’s hand with both of his. “I knew it was the reason you were angry with me. Jordan, please.” He stopped, his voice breaking.
“D, it’s okay, really. It’ll be all right. I promise.” The anguish on Drew’s face was almost too painful for him to watch.
“No, no, now give me the chance. You have every right to feel that way. I told Ash you’d resent me. I should’ve come to you right away, and we would’ve talked it over. Now it’s been festering almost a year.” Drew squeezed his hand. “Let me have this time to do what I should’ve done right away.”
Jordan remained silent and nodded.
