And all I feel is you. Jordan’s knees almost buckled at the touch of Lucas’s hand on his body. It was the first time in almost a year, and his body’s response nearly overwhelmed him. Hadn’t he sat at this very table, in total despair, vowing never to feel again? How could it be that this man’s hand on him had him nearly shivering with a need so violent and intense, he thought he might break apart if he moved?
Jordan’s breath caught in his throat as the palm of Lucas’s hand slid from his shoulder to his back. “Lucas.”
His whisper was lost as Lucas’s mouth crushed over his, those firm, hungry lips pressing with such intensity Jordan swayed on his feet, unable to catch his breath. Flames engulfed his body, and he couldn’t help but groan aloud at the first taste of Lucas’s hot tongue.
The touch was tentative, as if Lucas wasn’t sure he’d be granted acceptance, but although Jordan might not be emotionally ready to accept another man in his heart, physically his body ached for this contact. He wound his fingers around the curls that rested on the nape of Luke’s neck, and arched into the kiss, as eager to give as to receive.
Good, so good. Jordan’s mind spun in fuzzy circles as he sucked Lucas’s thick, wet tongue into his mouth. How had he lived so long without the touch of another person? No wonder his life had become an emotional wasteland. He slid his hands down Lucas’s broad back, only to freeze at the feel of the man’s erection prodding him in his belly. Kissing was one thing, but was he ready to take this next step?
Lucas’s cock thrust upward, into the cradle of Jordan’s hips. The reality of Lucas’s desire broke through the fog of Jordan’s mind, and he pushed away from the circle of Lucas’s hard arms.
“I-I can’t. I’m not ready for this.” He fixed his gaze on the floor, embarrassed at letting down his guard, angry at what he thought of as his betrayal of Keith. And terrified at having to start his life over again. It hadn’t hit him how lonely he really was until now, and how afraid and unprepared he was to take this first step back to normalcy.
Lucas’s harsh, raspy breath slowed. “Jordan?”
There was no way Jordan could have a conversation right now or even look Lucas in the eye. “It’s not your fault. It’s me. I’m sorry I led you on.”
“You didn’t. I shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong, and I apologize. It won’t happen again.” To his surprise, Lucas’s voice, normally so hard and deep, sounded uncertain and strained.
Jordan still couldn’t bring himself to look at Lucas even though the intoxicating taste of the man was in his mouth. Heartbreak, loss, desire, and lust twisted and warred with each other inside his mind. It wasn’t until he heard theclickof the front door that he realized Lucas had left.
What the hell had he done?
Chapter Six
The weeks following the debacle in Jordan’s kitchen were brutal for Luke. Even though he’d barely had time to breathe between conference calls and meetings, the way he’d left Jordan standing so devastated in his kitchen weighed on his conscience. Twice he’d called to apologize, but each time, Jordan had sounded like he did the first time they met: polite, distant, and cold.
Many nights were spent attending to the start-up details of the foundation, and only because it was absolutely necessary as chief financial officer did he attend. Jordan would come in after everyone had already arrived, and leave as soon as the meeting was over. His pale blue eyes flickered over Luke without a hint of recognition or friendliness.
If Luke tried to catch his eye, Jordan averted his head, refusing to meet his gaze. That pissed Luke off. Maybe Luke shouldn’t have kissed him, but Jordan’s reaction was extreme. After all, Luke didn’t kiss himself. Jordan had been a more than willing participant.
Very willing, as Luke remembered the push of Jordan’s smooth tongue into his mouth and how his long fingers dug into Luke’s hair as he held him tight. The scrape of Jordan’s slight stubble against his jaw and the light, teasing scent of his expensive cologne lingered in Luke’s mind.
He wants me but can’t admit it.
His body tightened at his recollections. Dr. Jordan Peterson could turn out to be one of the biggest challenges of his life, and Luke loved challenges. It was how he’d pulled himself up from nothing when he first came to New York City. Someone only had to tell Luke no, and that was all the impetus he needed to make it a yes. It was why he was so successful in business.
Dispassionately, Luke stared out of the window of the cab as it traveled through the streets of the city toward home. Jordan was an incredibly attractive man, but Luke didn’t have time to deal with all the man’s emotional baggage. Luke’s infrequent sexual encounters were little more than a meeting of bodies in the dark and a quick release. The effort had grown depressing and tiresome, so he’d stopped trying altogether. One thing he didn’t need was a conflicted, overly emotional man. As attractive and sexually appealing as Jordan was, Luke had no desire to get sucked into his world.
Jordan was a challenge he wasn’t willing to accept.
Yet from the moment Jordan stepped into his office weeks ago and rocked his world with a cocky attitude and arrogant airs, Luke had thought of little else. Now that he knew him a little better, Luke realized Jordan’s pride and superiority were simply a mask. A shield to protect himself from his own insecurity. Men like Jordan didn’t respect anyone who bowed down to them too easily. They pushed everyone away, to find out who was genuine and to keep their own secrets close to their hearts.
Luke never bowed down to anyone. But then again he wasn’t looking for a relationship with Jordan. He’d meant what he said. Jordan needed some time at the gym to not only get physically stronger but to mentally work through his problems. Luke wasn’t fooled by Jordan’s behavior, and normally he wouldn’t give a shit, but the two of them would be working closely on this project. There was no need for it to be uncomfortable. They’d be work partners, nothing more. The weirdness of the kiss would fade, and life would go on.
Satisfied with the way he’d worked everything out in his mind. Luke noticed he didn’t live all that far from Jordan’s town house, maybe six or seven blocks. He exited the cab, anxious to get inside and get out of his suit and tie and relax.
“Hi, Arthur.” He nodded to the gray-haired doorman. “Anything doing tonight?” Arthur and the daytime doorman had been instructed to tell anyone not on his approved visitor list that he was either away on business or not at home. That took care of his foster brother Ash’s attempts to see him at home, when Ash couldn’t get through to him at the office.
“Not tonight, sir. Nice and quiet.” The doorman handed him some files that had been messengered over from his office. Because it was the weekend didn’t mean the workload ended.
“Thanks.” Luke glanced at the files, then got his mail and took the elevator up to his apartment. Ever since he’d found out that Jordan had taken in a stray dog, he’d debated getting a dog himself, or even a cat. Something living to come home to, that would be waiting for him. Something that would care if he lived or died, even if it was only for their own creature comfort. But with his insane hours it wouldn’t be fair to leave an animal cooped up here all day and half the night alone.
He unlocked his door and flipped on the light, hating the darkness. Immediately, he turned on the television to keep him company. He had it programmed to one of the business channels so he could keep up-to-date with the foreign markets. The only benefit to working late at his firm was the full dinner spread they always provided to the staff, so he didn’t have to worry about food. Beer, on the other hand, he always had in full supply. He opened a bottle and took a deep, satisfying swallow.
Carrying the rest of the six-pack, he trekked into the living room. With a tired grunt, he flopped onto the sofa, not even taking the time to remove his shoes. A glance at his watch showed the time as well after midnight. Most of the guys had headed off to a club in Tribeca after they’d left the office, but Luke had zero interest in standing around, chatting up some random guy. Not even the thought of an easy blowjob could tempt him. His health wasn’t worth it. There were a lot of drugs going down in the clubs these days, and he knew many of the regulars who hung out at these places did them. Some of the guys at the firm also indulged. Drugs disgusted him. Only the weak let themselves get pulled into that world. He’d managed to avoid it when he ran away.
Completely on a whim, he pulled out his cell phone, found Jordan in his contacts, and pressed the button. He set the bottle on the floor next to him and closed his eyes as he lay back on the sofa. The phone rang once, twice; then Jordan’s voice, low and rough from sleep, answered.
