Jordan smiled and kissed Lucas on his warm mouth.
A cold sweat broke over him. What the hell was that about? Blinking rapidly, Jordan glanced around, fearful Lucas could read his mind and see what he’d imagined. The room spun, then tilted, and he needed to lean against the door frame to keep from sagging to the ground. His mouth dried, and the panic set in.
I can’t do this.
Kissing Lucas. He didn’t want that, not at all. A quick scan of the room found Lucas still studying the photographs, and Jordan breathed a sigh of relief. Best to forget that confusing image and get on with the business of lunch.
A bark sounded from the back of the house. Luke turned and stared at him, a small smile of delight breaking the stern line of his mouth. “Is that a dog?”
Jordan shared the smile, happy to see Lucas obviously liked dogs. “Yeah. She appeared in my yard about a week ago, left, and then just as quickly reappeared.” A brown-and-tan four-legged body hurtled through the hall and jumped up on him, wriggling and trying to lick his face. “Meet my newest sweetheart, Sasha. Down, girl.” He knelt to pet and scratch behind her ears, and accepted her licking his face with her wet tongue. “Come meet her. She won’t bite. I’ve taken her to the vet and gotten her all her shots.”
Lucas approached and knelt next to him, reaching out his fingers for the dog to sniff. Sasha immediately licked them, then flopped on her back to present her belly for a rub. Lucas sat back on his heels, and for the first time, Jordan saw him laugh. Shoulders shaking and eyes squeezed closed, Lucas tilted his neck back and let go with abandon. Fascinated, Jordan couldn’t tear his eyes away from Lucas in such an unguarded state. Then he froze.
It hadn’t happened in months, but it was undeniable. A twitching in his groin. What he’d thought dead and buried, locked away with the love he’d lost, came roaring back to life at the sight and sound of this walled-up man enjoying a moment with a dog.
“Let’s go to the kitchen. We can order some lunch and play with her.” He jumped to his feet. Sasha scrambled upright, yet Lucas remained crouching on the floor, his laughter gone. Jordan caught a yearning in his eyes, a glimpse of sadness, as he stared after Sasha padding down the hall toward the kitchen. “Lucas?” Their gazes locked, and at the undeniable hunger in Lucas’s expression, the floor seemed to drop out from under Jordan’s feet. There was no denying his body’s reaction now as every nerve ending tingled, and he could sense the blood rushing through his veins, watering his soul, drenching his parched insides. Like a plant long denied the sun, his body stirred with the unfamiliar warmth and stretched toward its source. To Lucas.
“Lucas.” Jordan wet his lips, his heart racing with fear. This wasn’t attraction; it couldn’t be. He loved Keith still. His skin crawled with nerves. It must be time for another pill. Or two. But first he had to get away from the close proximity of Lucas Conover. “Come on. The kitchen’s this way. It’s time to feed Sasha.” Without looking behind to see if Luke followed, he almost ran down the hall to the kitchen.
Although she’d only been with him for a few days, Sasha had already settled into a routine, one that naturally revolved around her eating. Jordan, excited to have another living creature in the house, lavished all the love he had bottled up inside on her, taking her for long walks, spending time with her in the backyard, and even letting her sleep in his room. Her dark, expressive eyes followed his every move as he filled first a bowl with fresh water, then another with food. As she ate, Jordan went to the refrigerator and took out a couple of beers. Now that he’d removed himself from Lucas’s disturbing closeness, his scrambled wits seemed to have settled. Still, he opened a beer and drank half of it in several quick swallows.
“Uh, Jordan? Is everything all right?” Lucas remained at the entranceway to the kitchen, his arms folded across his chest. “Did I do something to make you want me to leave?”
Shit. Now even Lucas’s voice, sounding all rough and sexy, set him on edge. Throwing up a silent prayer to get control of his sudden raging libido, Jordan managed to face Lucas with a forced smile on his face. “Of course not.” He tried not to focus on Lucas’s face, but standing so close to him in his tight shirt over a pair of dark rinse jeans didn’t help quell Jordan’s emotions. Every muscle and dip in his well-toned body was defined for all the world to see. Jordan’s heart began to slam in hard, powerful beats.
“I, uh, I’ll be right back.” Before Lucas could answer, Jordan sprinted up the stairs to the bathroom and popped open the medicine cabinet. With shaking fingers, he fumbled for the pill bottle. After several attempts, he popped it open and shook two yellow pills out. He scooped up a handful of water from the faucet and swallowed them, barely able to choke them down his dry throat. He gripped the edge of the sink and closed his eyes, waiting for his heart to settle.
Several minutes passed before the room steadied enough for Jordan to return downstairs. First, he checked his reflection in the mirror, and after smoothing his hair, he attempted a smile. Hmm. Perhaps not. He didn’t need to smile anyway. Time to go back and pretend all was well. Descending the steps, he heard Lucas’s quiet voice murmuring to the dog. Silently, he peeked into the kitchen.
Lucas sat cross-legged on the floor. Sasha’s head lay in his lap, and he smoothed his hand over and over the silky part of her head, scratching under her ears. Straining but keeping as quiet as possible, Jordan could make out Lucas’s words.
“Sweet baby girl. You’re so lucky to be here. He’s gonna take good care of you.” In this unguarded moment, Jordan detected a slight Southern accent he hadn’t noticed before. Sort of like how Ash sounded when he spoke so lovingly to Drew. Regardless of the pills he’d taken, Jordan’s heart once again began to ricochet against his breastbone.
God, he was fucked. No matter how he tried, his body betrayed both his mind and his heart. It was merely getting so close to another man, any man since Keith had died. Absently, he rubbed the wedding band on his finger, its smooth warmth centering him. Remembering the day they’d picked out their rings didn’t bring the usual stabbing pain. A gentle calm descended on him. He’d buried Keith with his ring on his finger. It seemed only right that if they couldn’t be married in life, Keith would be wedded to him in eternity. Bringing his hand to his face, he stroked his finger against his lips, as if it were the kiss of his lover.
“You all right?”
Jordan jumped at the sound of Lucas’s voice. He’d been lost in such a strong daydream he hadn’t even realized the man had stood up. The pills, along with the beer, had the effect of making him a bit drowsy. “Uh, yeah, fine. Why don’t we order some lunch?” He gestured with his hand at a stack of takeout menus on the counter. “Pick whatever you like. I don’t eat much these days.”
They decided on pizza, the easiest thing, and Jordan called it in. Delivery was always quick, and he and Lucas had finished their beers when the doorbell rang with their food.
As they ate, Luke’s forest-brown eyes with their flecks of green and gold met his. “You’re way too thin.”
Jordan bristled at the criticism. “It’s no big deal.”
Lucas’s mouth quirked up in a slight grin. “Not if you don’t mind looking like a skeleton. You have no strength.” He leaned back against his chair, folding his arms across his broad chest. “You’re weak. I could take you down in a second.”
A vision of him and a sweaty, naked Lucas, rolling around on his bed, lips fused together, flashed in Jordan’s head. His mouth dried. Face burning, he stood and turned his back, mumbling, “Yeah, so what the hell, I’m out of shape.”
“I could help you.” Lucas stood right behind him.
Jordan’s shoulders stiffened, and he spun around. “Help me what?”
“Train you, get you back in shape.” Luke came closer. “You’re a bag of bones. You’re pale, and you have no strength or muscle tone.” His voice gentled. “You’ve had it rough, but I know if you worked your body, it would help your mind. I’d like to help you.”
Jordan took a step back. “Maybe you’re right. We could go running and take Sasha with us.” At the sound of her name, Sasha whined. Jordan was amazed she’d learned it in such a short time, but she was a smart animal.
Lucas agreed. “Yeah, but you also need to do some weight training. Lifting, leg presses, that kind of stuff. You need to build your upper body strength.” His large, warm palm descended on Jordan’s shoulder. “All I feel is bones.”
