“How about it? If I’ve learned anything from Jacks, it’s that perfection is a myth, most likely spun by fairy tales. And even in fairy tales everyone struggles through shit until they reach the happy ending. Reality sucks; life is hard and kicks us in the ass. It’s whether we choose to fight for what we want that makes us winners.”
Reed smiled in spite of himself. “An interesting take.”
“Do you think I’m lying? Or saying this to make you feel better? I’m not, you know. I’m not looking for perfect; perfection is boring and bland. I like the struggle; the hard climb up the mountain. The reward, in my opinion, is much sweeter.”
He sobered up, and Carter cupped his jaw.
“What made you sad now? Your whole face changed from light to dark, and I hate seeing it.”
“My mother left because she couldn’t handle having a child with disabilities. Rather than fight for me, she left everything to my dad. It reminds me of the way your mom treated you and Jacks. As afterthoughts.”
The storm clouds returned to Carter’s face. “Some people don’t deserve to have children. Especially wonderful kids like Jacks.” He trailed his thumb over Reed’s chin. “Or you. I’ve learned so much from him—he’s taught me not to judge people by looks alone and how to be a better person. Having him with me changed my life. I wouldn’t trade him for anyone.” Carter kissed him lightly. “And I wouldn’t change you either. You’re perfect for me.”
Who could’ve known when they made this arrangement last year they’d end up sharing lives that on the surface appeared so different but in peeling back the layers proved shockingly similar? The last vestiges of fear and self-loathing still clung to Reed.
“My only serious relationship ended when my boyfriend told me he was tired of my problems—my mental illness as he called it. He wanted perfection; he was into his clothes and appearance. Once we got beyond that, he had zero interest in me or my life.” Unwilling to see the pity in Carter’s eyes, Reed looked away and drew his toe along the grouting of the floor tiles. “When we broke up, he called me damaged goods.”
He jumped as Carter’s fist banged against the wall by the side of his head. “That fucker. That piece of shit. Who the hell is he or anyone to call someone that? Was he so perfect?” His ragged breath reverberated loudly against the walls. “I’ll bet he wasn’t. Did he make you feel like I do?” Once again, Carter pinned him against the wall. A thick, muscular thigh slid in between Reed’s legs, putting delicious pressure on his balls and cock.
“No,” said Reed, sliding his hands up Carter’s arms. “No one has. I never cared about perfection. All I wanted was for someone to care about me notwithstanding my imperfections. I’ve spent my whole life worrying about what other people think of me.”
“Fuck that, Reed.” Carter skimmed his fingertips over Reed’s face. “Everyone has problems. No one and nothing can define you unless you allow it. Own it, control it, then smash it to pieces if you want to change. But I think you’ve already conquered it. You have a job where people care about you, you go to school, and most importantly, you’re kind, loving, and caring.”
“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
Carter traced Reed’s lips with the pad of his thumb, his eyes darkening again, but this time with rising passion, not anger. “Then you’ve been horribly neglected. I’ll have to think about ways to make it all up to you.”
“This might help you think.” Reed pressed his lips to Carter’s, their addictive softness as necessary to him now as breathing. His home; his forever.
At the first swipe of Reed’s tongue, Carter trembled. Reed loved unnerving this strong, self-confident man.
He smoothed his hands over Carter’s ass. “I can think of a few suggestions.”
Reed peppered small kisses along Carter’s jaw, the hitch of Carter’s breath music to his ears. More self-assured than ever, Reed sucked at Carter’s neck, tiny ripples beneath Carter’s skin quivering beneath his lips, loving how his touch made Carter come undone.
“Don’t start something you can’t finish, Reed. We have to go to the hotel to pick up your medicine, then come back to get Jacks.” With one last kiss and regret shining in his eyes, Carter stepped back. “Rain check on the shared shower?”
“Yeah,” Reed said with a smile. “Definitely.”
Chapter Sixteen
‡
After speaking toMichelle and receiving her reassurance that yes, Jacks was fine, and no, he couldn’t come to the phone because he was outside in the back yard playing, he and Reed headed back into the city to the hotel. Neither had spoken much since their mutual confessions of last night and this morning, but their shared smiles and simple touches brought Carter a comfort and peace he hadn’t known existed.
He checked out of the hotel, and after paying the bill Carter wondered if this would be the last time they’d need to do this. He’d have to discuss it with Reed, but once he and Jacks met, there was no reason to only see each other once a month. Perhaps, eventually, Reed might even move in with the two of them.
Odd that it took thirty-two years for him to feel intimate with someone despite all the men he’d slept with. Perhaps all those love songs weren’t so wrong after all, and there really was one person to make everything all right. Carter wasn’t certain of much, but after he told Reed he loved him this morning, if he didn’t have Reed by his side, nothing in his world would ever be right again.
Immediately upon entering their hotel room Reed had taken his medication, and Carter could tell his anxiety levels had visibly decreased; he rested against the seat of the cab and was unusually still. Having lived with Jacks for over three years, Carter was amazed he hadn’t picked up on the little cues from Reed, such as his distraction, constant need to be in motion, and his frequent, misplaced panic.
These were the pieces of Reed he’d missed, which wasn’t surprising since most of the time they spent together was in bed…or in the shower…or against the wall. With a self-satisfied smirk, Carter glanced over at Reed, imagining spending every night with him.
“I know you’re staring at me. I can tell.” A grin tugged at the corner of Reed’s lips though his eyes remained closed.
“What are you, a magician?” Carter teased and found that he liked being in a relationship. Being in love. The words still sounded strange, but it didn’t make them any less important or real.
“No,” said Reed, opening his eyes. “It was a feeling.”
