Working him hard, concentrating all his efforts on taking care of Carter’s needs, Reed nipped at Carter’s neck, then sucked at the smooth skin. “God, you’re so fucking sexy.” He blew his heated breath over Carter’s sweat-slicked skin. “Come all over me; go on, cover me with it.”
Carter grabbed him by the back of the neck and crushed his mouth over his, sucking at Reed’s lips until his torso stiffened, then shook, his cock shooting out stream after ropy stream of semen all over Reed’s hand and chest. Reed continued to pump Carter through his orgasm until Carter weakly batted his hand away.
“Too sensitive.” But he smiled as he whispered it and held Reed’s hand as they both finished Reed off to his own bone-melting climax. Reed shuddered and spilled hot and hard between their fingers.
Held within the circle of Carter’s arms, Reed waited to speak until his heart stopped pounding and his vision cleared.
“Before anything, I need to tell you some things. Things about myself that might change how you feel about continuing this relationship.”
Carter rolled over and picked up his T-shirt from the floor and cleaned their hands off. After wiping each of their fingers, he tossed it down and held Reed close again “Highly unlikely.” Carter kissed his jaw, then his lips. “But continue.”
Here goes nothing.
“Remember the time I said I didn’t feel well, that I was coming down with a cold?”
“Yeah, the night we went dancing.” Despite the sticky mess between them, Carter drew him closer. “I’d like to do that again.”
Reed sensed Carter’s smile against his skin, but it brought him little solace. “I lied. I wasn’t coming down with a cold. I was having an anxiety attack. I forgot my medication, and that, coupled with the stress of not knowing if you really wanted to be with me or that guy who came up to us, triggered a bad reaction in me.”
“A bad reaction?” Carter drew back to gaze into Reed’s eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Uh.” Reed gulped down his panic and barreled through. “I have severe anxiety and ADHD. Sometimes it’s so bad I get these panic attacks where it feels like everything, the world, is closing in on me.” Letting out a whoosh of breath, Reed squirmed in Carter’s arms, wanting to run, hide, do anything possible not to have to look into Carter’s pitying eyes.
“Don’t.” Carter tightened his hold, arms like steel around Reed. “It’s fine.”
Struggling in earnest, Reed pushed against Carter’s chest. “No. Let me go. Please.”
Carter loosened his hold and held his hands up. “Okay.”
Breathing hard, his face hot with shame, Reed flung back the covers and scrambled off the bed. “I need to take a shower.”
“Reed, wait. Please.” Carter swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up but made no move to grab at him again. “I understand, really.”
“You think you do?” That he sincerely doubted. And even if he did… “So what? You understand. Now you can make excuses for why you can’t see me anymore, and even though you’ll be nice about it, in the end, you’ll leave because you won’t want to be tied down to someone who’s so nervous sometimes it feels like my insides are about to explode. Or you’ll get tired of being with a man you think is listening to you, but in reality, a thousand different thoughts and sounds are vying for attention inside my head. You deserve better than damaged goods.” Blinding panic ballooned inside him. Reed wondered what would happen if he burst apart from the tension of holding himself together.
The words Mason had flung at him echoed in his head. Reed choked up for a moment, then drew in a shuddering breath and continued. “You need to concentrate on your brother—he’s still young and from what I see is a wonderful child. You have enough to handle without my mental illness adding to your problems.”
A dark flush rose over Carter’s face. By now Reed knew the signs of his anger, but he was angry as well. Angry that he’d let himself fall for someone he knew was so wrong for him right from the beginning. He turned and walked into the bathroom.
Reed heard rather than saw Carter come after him and tried to step aside, but Carter grabbed his arm and pushed him up against the wall. Those silvery eyes glittered like moonlight on the water, and his normally soft, full lips pressed together in a tight, white line. A muscle twitched in his jaw, and a shiver of fear trickled through Reed. His heartbeat sped up.
“Do you think I’d let you say those things about yourself and walk away? Is that what you think about yourself…and me? Because if you do, that way of thinking, not your anxiety, is what’s wrong between us.”
“It’s true,” said Reed. “I’ve tried to stop my medicine or play with my dosages to see if there was some way I could eventually stop taking them. But the worry and the anxiety always come back.” He dropped his gaze to the floor. “Even now, I have to take my medicine but I forgot it at the hotel. I have to go get it sometime this morning. I hate it. I hate that I need it.”
Carter tipped up his chin and their eyes met. The harsh planes of his face had softened, the flush of anger fading from his neck and chest. Rather than let go of his arm, Carter slid his hand up his shoulder and around his neck in a move so tender Reed bit his lip to keep from sighing his pleasure out loud. “There’s no need to stop taking the medicines if they’re working. You can’t risk your health. I want you exactly as you are.” He leaned forward until their foreheads touched and their lips were a breath apart. “I love you, every part of you—broken pieces and all.”
For a second Reed thought his heart stopped beating. The enormity of Carter’s words had blocked out everything else in his world—all sounds and incoherent thoughts—so that for the first time in his life, Reed’s complete and total focus was on one thing only.
“You said you love me.”
“I did, didn’t I?” Carter brushed his lips over Reed’s. “Is that a problem?”
“Not unless you think I’m a project. You’re not going to be able to fix me. Who I am is always going to be a man with ADHD and an anxiety disorder.”
Carter caged him in between his arms. “Why do you think I’ll want to change you? You are who you are. I’m not looking to change you.”
“You say that now, but how about when we spend more time together and you get sick of my panicking in new situations, or you think I’m not paying attention to you because I’m distracted, and it’s beyond my control?” Even now, Reed could sense the apprehension building within him, flowing through his bloodstream. He needed his medicine.
