“I made you coffee.” He handed Drew his cup. “Let’s go back to bed, and I’ll try to explain.” Glancing at the clock, he saw it was eight thirty. “We have time before we go to the hospital.”
Drew accepted his cup. “Thank you.” He gave him a small smile. “You’re coming with me?”
Ash got into bed and patted the place next to him. “Of course.” After Drew set his cup down and joined him, Ash put his arms around him and gulped a deep breath. “It all started when I was fourteen. The first time Munson raped me. He tried to be nice at first, but when I wouldn’t give in to him, he beat me with the butt of his gun and cuffed me to the bed. He told me I was a bad boy because if I fought him, that meant he would go to Luke and do what I wouldn’t let him do to me.”
Ash could see it all again, the images rising in his mind, imprinted in stark relief. Oddly it was things like the lumpy mattress cutting into his back that came to mind first, along with the scratchy, bright blue blanket that provided little warmth. Then came the memories of the pain. The gun hitting him, the cuffs on his wrists, and the ropes on his ankles as he struggled, and finally, the hated touch of his foster father.
“So what happened?” Drew held his hand, gently squeezing it from time to time.
“I let him do whatever he wanted to me, as long as he left the other kids alone. But one night when it was really bad, I took a knife here”—he pointed to the thickest scars on his wrist—“and here, and I tried to kill myself.”
There had been so much blood and pain, but his foster mother found him, took him to a lady who lived two houses down from them. No questions were asked. The neighbor, Mrs. Cartwright, simply stitched and bandaged him up and he went home.
Drew looked horrified. “No one reported it? My God, you could’ve died.”
Ash chuckled at his naïveté. “Baby, no one was gonna go against a cop, especially a mean son of a bitch like Munson. After that I got smart. I’d let him do what he wanted, but he hated when I marked myself.” It was worth every slap he got, whenever Munson saw a new knife cut on his arms. “It only made me want to do it more. To let him know he couldn’t tell me what to do with my body.”
He fell back on the pillows, taking Drew back with him to rest on his chest. Ash held Drew close, comforted by his nonjudgmental silence. “When I ran away, I cut myself again and wound up in the hospital, but by then I was eighteen, and they couldn’t send me back. I walked out during the night and came up to New York, got a job in a fast-food place, and studied every night for my GED.”
Now that he’d started, the words flowed like a fast-moving river. “I saved every penny, slept in shelters or wherever I could find a place. I never sold myself, though, ’cause I was too scared of gettin’ a disease. I went to a community college, then to a four-year one. That’s when I knew I wanted to be a lawyer to help kids like me.”
Still Drew said nothing, merely letting him talk out his pain.
“During college, my manager at the restaurant felt sorry for me, so he rented me a room in his house. I thought he’d want sex from me in exchange, but he was honest and only took some money from my paycheck. I got to study and graduated top of my class. That’s how I got the scholarship from Mr. Frank to go to law school.”
Drained, he closed his eyes but kept talking. “Everywhere I went, I looked for Luke and Brandon. I knew I’d failed them. And every time I thought about how much I’d let them down, I’d carve another little piece out of my arm to keep me focused on finding them.”
Drew kissed his cheek and placed his warm hand over Ash’s heart. “You’ll find them one day. I can help you if you want. I’ll help you through it all.”
Ash slid his palm over Drew’s hand to hold him tight. He couldn’t stop touching Drew, needing the connection, like a lifeline to his heart. “I found Luke. He’s away on an extended business trip, but he lives here, in the city.”
“That’s wonderful.” Drew sat up, and Ash sensed his nervousness. “I hate to stop you here, but I want to get to the hospital early to have a chance to speak to the doctors.”
“Of course, baby. Let’s get dressed and go.” He jumped out of bed, no longer caring that his clothes were all wrinkled. Let people think what they would about him and Drew; it was nobody’s fucking business but their own. A weight had lifted from his chest. He’d talked to Drew about some of what happened to him, and he hadn’t been turned away.
He smiled as he buttoned his shirt and tucked it into his slacks, trying to smooth out the wrinkles. Drew came out of the bedroom looking good enough to eat in a pale green shirt, dark blue tie, and black pants. Ash couldn’t resist pulling Drew close to grab his ass with one hand. Now that he’d finally kissed Drew on the mouth, he craved more of him. He crushed his lips over Drew’s, loving the softness. Drew’s mouth opened, accepting the slide of his tongue inside.
Drew whimpered as their tongues tangled together. Showing a restraint he didn’t know he possessed, Ash pulled away. Drew’s lips were reddened and kiss swollen; his face wore a somewhat dazed expression.
Ash huffed out a laugh. “If we don’t leave now, I’ll keep you in bed all day.”
Something dark flashed in Drew’s eyes; then he seemed to realize where they were going. “Right, we’d better hurry.”
Ash nodded, grabbed the bagels on the counter, and followed Drew out of the apartment and down the stairs.
* * * *
The scene at the hospital was quite different this morning than when they’d left the night before. For one thing, which was the most important, Esther was awake. There was a circle of doctors and nurses around her. Drew, who had put on a white doctor’s coat and looked incredibly hot and sexy, told him to wait outside while he went into ICU to consult with the cardiologist.
For a moment, Ash almost forgot himself and went to give him a kiss good-bye. And it seemed as though Drew was of a like mind as he leaned in as if to accept it. Only the sound of Jordan, Rachel, and Mike’s voices stopped him short.
“Drew, how is she? Have you seen her yet?” Rachel came running up and grabbed Drew’s arm. Drew put his arm around her and walked her away to speak with her in private.
Ash turned to greet Mike. “Hey, how’s it going?” Mike gave him a fist bump, then continued on to join Rachel and Drew. Ash watched as Drew spoke with them for a few minutes more, then left to go inside his grandmother’s room. The white coat gave him an air of authority, and those tortoiseshell glasses turned his insides soft with desire. Let people think what they wanted. Ash couldn’t take his eyes off him. Who knew he’d go for that sexy intellectual look? His lips curved in a smile as he watched Drew lean down to kiss Esther.
Someone poked him in the back. “What the fuck is going on?” Surprised, he turned around to find Jordan all up in his face, icy blue eyes spitting fire. “You better have a goddamn good explanation, Davis.” Jordan poked him again, this time in the chest.
Ash leaned back against the wall, a lazy smile on his lips, but his voice clipped out cold and hard. “You fucking put your hands on me again, I’ll make you sorry. I don’t care that you’re Drew’s friend or that your boyfriend’s a cop. Got it?”
