No pain, no hate. No fear.
“I want to do the same for you.” Drew’s breath puffed by Ash’s erect cock, and he touched Ash with hesitant, gentle fingers, but Ash brushed him off.
“You don’t have to, baby.” He took Drew’s hand in his and kissed his palm. “This night is for you. My pleasure is to give you pleasure. Now come.” He lifted the soft white comforter. “Climb in and rest some. I’m going to take a shower. You look beat, and you’re gonna need your rest.”
With a sweet sleepy smile, Drew stretched out and snuggled into the fluffy pillows. “I like that Southern accent.” He yawned and patted the bed. “Come on and join me. You need to rest too, considering you did all the work.”
Tempted as he was, Ash knew he needed to shower. He was sticky, sweaty, and needed to be clean. And clear his head about what had happened.
“I’ll be a few minutes.” Resisting the urge to kiss him, Ash turned on his heel and left for the bathroom. Once inside he stripped off his shirt and avoided the mirrors as usual. He turned the water on steamy hot and stepped in. He squirted out his favorite vanilla-scented soap and lathered himself up, washing away the sticky remnants of his and Drew’s cum. With his eyes closed, he stood under the heated waterfall of water, letting it pummel his face and roll off his back.
Without any warning, Drew yanked the shower curtain aside. “Hey, I thought I’d come and join you.”
He jumped, narrowly missing hitting his head on the shower fixture. “Fuck it, Drew. Why couldn’t you wait in the goddamn bedroom?” The pounding water beat down over his head as he tried to hold his arms behind his back. His gaze remained rooted to the shower floor, and he watched the rivulets of water swirl down into the drain.
He had no idea how long he stood there, until he noticed the water had stopped and Drew stood next to him, his dry warmth pressed up against his wet, shaking flesh.
“Ash,” Drew whispered, kissing his cheek. “Come out now. You’re clean. Let’s dry you off.”
Like a child, he allowed himself to be led out of the shower, wrapped up in a towel, and patted dry. After leading Ash back to the bedroom, Drew tugged him into bed and together they lay down on the rumpled sheets.
Finally, Drew spoke against his shoulder. “Whenever you want to talk to me, I’m here for you. But like you said earlier, make no mistake. You will talk to me, Asher Davis.”
Tired of it all, of everything in his whole fucked-up miserable life, he turned in Drew’s arms and snarled back at him. “You wanna talk? Well, all right, let’s talk. What do you wanna know?” He pointed to the white ridged scar on his wrist, a smile twisting his lips. “You want to know about the first time I tried to kill myself, or the last time I cut myself for fun?” he asked, pointing to a fresh new gash.
“Where do you wanna start?”
Chapter Twelve
Drew couldn’t take his eyes off Ash’s arms. Up and down, from wrist to elbow, his skin was riddled with scars. Many were older, thin white lines, but several were short, thick, and ugly twists of healed, ridged flesh. From the severity of the scars, there was more than likely some nerve damage that could never be repaired.
What troubled him more were the other ones, reddened, fresh and new, which told him this remained an ongoing problem for Ash. Drew knew how painful it must have been for Ash to cut himself that way. What demons did this beautiful, tortured man battle, even now, that caused him to maim himself like that? Drew’s grandmother was right to be afraid.
Whatever it was, Drew knew it somehow related to Ash’s past, the past he refused to talk about no matter how hard people pushed him to. Drew, Peter, even Drew’s grandmother couldn’t force Ash to reveal the horrors that gnawed at his soul. With a sinking realization in his heart, Drew recognized this night should never have happened, for so many reasons. It wasn’t that he regretted it. On the contrary, he’d been willing to go much further, if all had gone well.
Forcing Ash into a corner, hoping to get him to reveal his secrets was not going to help either one of them. But neither was pretending all was well and they could continue on as if nothing had happened. While Drew’s heart broke for Ash, the man had some serious issues to deal with that needed professional help.
“I’m not asking you why or to tell me anything you don’t want to.” Drew kept his tone nonconfrontational. “I’d hope that as a friend, you’d feel comfortable enough with me to maybe talk things out. Sometimes that helps.”
Shooting him a strange look, Ash scrambled out of the bed and, after rummaging around in his dresser, pulled out a thin sweatshirt and slipped it on. Once covered, Drew could see how Ash visibly relaxed. “Nothing will help. But thanks for the offer.”
Drew wanted to deck him. “Thanks for the offer? What am I, a salesman? For Christ’s sake, Ash, I’m sitting here naked in your bed, and you’re treating me as if I’m a fucking stranger.” Considering how this night had degenerated, he climbed out of bed as well and got dressed.
Ash shrugged. “There’s nothing to discuss. You got what you wanted and so did I, so let’s say good night.”
It was as if he were sitting at a board meeting. Hello, good-bye, thanks for coming. Literally.
“How do you know what I wanted? You never gave it a chance. I was willing to—”
“To what, Drew? Let me fuck you to see what it’s like? We still could, you know.”
“Why are you acting like such a bastard? I understand you’ve been hurt.”
Like a lion, Ash pounced on him, pushing him back onto the bed. “You understand? You think you understand? Why, because you’re lonely and took a walk on the wild side tonight with me? You know fucking nothing about me or my life, and that’s the way it’s going to stay.”
Caught by surprise, Drew lost all power to move once those glittering icy eyes pinned him. “I’m your friend, if nothing else, and that’s what friends do, they help one another.”
“I don’t need friends, or a lover, or anyone trying to make me part of a family. I was fine before I met you, and I’ll be fine when you’re gone.”
