“You fucking lied to me.”
She looked me in the eyes when she said, “I did and I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have what your mama has now.”
“No.”
“But the doctor thinks you will.”
“He’s certain that if I don’t have the procedure, I will. I have all the markers for it.”
“You fucking lied to me.”
I saw a flash of fear in her eyes, probably at the mechanical way I kept repeating those five words.
“Matteo!” she screamed, but it was more of a pleading sound, a pleading sound that was trying to penetrate the fear-fueled fury building in my chest. “I just told you I did—and I apologized for it. I didn’t want you to worry, and I didn’t want you to—” she took a deep breath and slowly released it “—not love our baby because of it. I didn’t want you to blame my pregnancy for anything that might happen in the future.”
“Will happen in the future.”
“Yeah, if…I don’t take the doctor’s advice and get the procedure done.”
“The future is fucking tomorrow.”
“That’s a chance I’m willing to take. I love this baby so much already. And what will happen if we don’t have kids, Matteo? You’ll lose your place in the family. That’snothappening.”
The family.
My fucking family.
“Fuck my family!” I roared, turning the heavy wooden desk over. “You are my family!Mywife.Mylife.” I pounded my chest.
“Matteo!”
I couldn’t hear anything else after. The pounding in my heart was too violent. Thewhooshingin my ears too loud. It needed a place to go, to escape, and the last thing I remembered was taking the two chairs and throwing them out the window, shattering glass and every bit of peace in my soul.
Chapter 50
Stella
Ihad lied to him. I had lied and I’d hid a secret that belonged to both of us from him. A secret that had already started to change my life, along with my body.
Our baby.
I honestly didn’t want to think about the other stuff. It seemed dark and depressing, and what was happening in my womb—the development and growth of the child who was created out of our love—deserved nothing but light.
I was terrified at first when the doctor confirmed that I was pregnant, especially because the doctor said the cancer could come tomorrow or years from then. But I knew this child was going to be as strong as his or her father, and together, we were going to make it through this.
That was why I refused to think about the what ifs. If I could brighten my husband’s darkness, this child would be immersed in my light. And that light would see us both through.
When I told our families, Scarlett had squeezed my hand, setting her free one over my womb, and whispered, “This baby already loves you as much as his or her father. It’s all going to be okay.”
His or her—of course she knew if it was his or her father, but without me asking, she wasn’t going to tell me. And even though I knew sons were more common in this family, I thought about Mia and Graziana and kept an open mind, even though I’d be thrilled with either.
“Tell that to my baby’s daddy,” I’d said, smiling, but she saw right through what I was trying to hide.
She’d sighed. “Do you want to hear a story? A story about your father-in-law, Brando Piero Fausti, when he found out I was pregnant with Mia?”
Of course I did. Anything to help me navigate Matteo’s dark feelings and this family…was always much appreciated. Matteo was a copy of his father, but he wasn’t his father. I was married to a completely different man. A man who had thoughts and feelings of his own. A man who, all his life, had accepted this family and his position in it as his life. Having children as part of that obligation was necessary, even if he refused to accept that as a reason to have them.
