“My body is out of commission, at the moment,” I said, feeling him in every muscle and bone from the night before and almost that entire day. If it wasn’t for the overwhelming tension, I would have probably been sprawled out in the bed, knocked out from sheer exhaustion. He worked me to that highest point over and over. “Besides, I’m not bored. I’m anxious.”
His eyes slowly moved from the page and back to me. “The situation is not ideal, but it is what it is, Rosalia. We handle what we can.”
“The rest?”
He shrugged. “Is not up to us. We make our choices, do what we have to do, and the rest will sort itself out.”
In that moment, the miles between us were never so apparent. He looked at our situation as nothing but a war map. It seemed to have rules that I couldn’t see. Like when to act and how, depending on what was going on. In this world, a lot of the time, these men said one thing but meant another. It was hard to keep up with them sometimes. How cunning and clever they could be.
A war map was not good enough for me, though. Not when our daughter was being raised by other people and our lives were at risk.
“It used to be my head that hurt, but now it’s my heart, Niello,” I whispered. “I had no clue when I held her that she was—is—mine…” I turned from him, staring at the dancing sign in the kitchen again. “The guilt’s eating me up. How could I not know? I carried her. I gave birth to her. My mind shut her out.”
“It’s not that simple,” he said. “And I don’t believe you didn’t have a clue. Your mind couldn’t register it, but when we left Peppin and Lina’s, I felt your hesitation. You knew something about the situation wasn’t natural. Leaving her behind hurt you.”
I sighed out a heavy breath and then turned around to face him. “You’re positive she’s safe?”
He nodded, but the look in his eyes had changed. It wasn’t soft, but maybe…pleased.
“What?” I whispered.
He used the base of his hand to rub over his heart. “Angelia is lucky to have you as her mamma.”
“How do you know?”
“You loved her more than your own life before you even knew her.”
A tightness in my chest made me clear my throat. “Were we close before? To leaving this life behind?”
He made a motion with his hand that meant kind of, or maybe so-so. “We were in the thick of discussing how to go about this, to make sure Angelia would be safe. If it were only the two of us, we’d be long gone.”
“Is our biggest obstacle your boss?”
“Yes. I’ve made this personal.”
“How so? You hurt his wife or something?”
It was a sarcastic question, something to lighten the mood, but his answer was blunt.
“In a manner of speaking,” he said. “I burned down his club.”
“You burned down Club Desolation?”
“They fucked with my heart,” he said. “No one fucks with my heart.”
“That’s—” I hesitated, realizing how big of a hornet’s nest he’d kicked.
Club Desolation was not an average club. It was a mighty force that protected the organization from the prying eyes of the world. It had taken years and years to create something that was probably one of the last fortresses for people who belonged to it.
Not only did Aniello disavow, but he had double-crossed the man who had treated him like his own by taking something he loved and setting it on fire.
Did she, the club, scream out in agony as her walls full of secrets turned to ash? There was no doubt in my mind that Club D was a woman. She was too protective not to be.
It was easy for me to understand how she felt, though, because my heart was silently screaming out, making my nerves tense up.
“You did that to take the heat off of me,” I said, trying to keep my hands relaxed, but they kept balling into fists. “You knew if you made this personal, he would want you more than me.”
“They fucked with my heart,” he repeated, “so I destroyed theirs.”
