For a woman who was cultured, a world traveler, who could speak numerous languages, had danced for royalty, had probably seen more than most would in a lifetime, she never passed up the opportunity to see the beauty in the world around her.
She made a point of it.
She was passing this on to our daughter—the gift of being thankful for all that she had.
With Mia on her hip, she pointed out of the window, showing our curious daughter the snow and the mountains.
Scarlett spoke fluent German, which came in handy here, but as she pointed out the smaller points of the vast scene, she spoke Italian. It did fucking things to me when she did that. Rambled off factoids. She became excited when she’d make plans for us to discover the world together. She couldn’t wait for me to see this or that. Her, too, if it was something she hadn’t experienced before.
My usual response ofit’ll donever sat right with her. But it was true. Compared to her, all else woulddo. With her next to me, life became an adventure. Her verve for life was contagious. She was worth fucking catching.
I knew her response to new places had something to do with her upbringing. When she traveled, most of her experiences were touched through a book, and then went into her imagination.
Her mother had kept her on a short leash, too worried about her career to consider what Scarlett wanted. Her family might have skied here, but my wife had to dance instead of hitting the slopes—too much of a chance for her to break something.
No matter what Scarlett had been through, though, she never let it taint her, or whatever current view she had of the world. My wife protected her innocence and love, kept them safe, and through her, I felt things that I never could on my own. I saw life through a microscope. She saw it through a telescope. Sometimes a kaleidoscope.
Maybe it was like the feelings a kid had the night before Christmas.
The thought of Mia having all those childish experiences warmed my heart enough to melt snow and cause an avalanche.
I ran my hand through her soft, thick hair. She growled at me, showing me the stuffed lion Scarlett had given to her.
A constant reminder of what had happened in Florence.
Mia kept shoving the stuffed thing in my face, roaring at me, showing me all of her little teeth. Her new favorite thing to do. Then she expected me to roar back, showing her my teeth. If not, she’d pout.
Scarlett handed Mia to me, not wanting to be that close, going for our suitcases to unpack. She mentioned making dinner.
“You don’t want to go out?”
“Woar!” The stuffed animal was back in my face.
I spit out some of its fake mane, the fibrous hairs stuck to my tongue. Mia did it again, so I roared back, kissing her cheek at the same time.
“No,” Scarlett said, heading toward the closets. “I’m not in the mood.”
I moved the lion from my face again. “I’m not buying what you’re selling.”
She shrugged but said nothing else. I followed her into the closet, taking her by the arm. She wanted to yank it out of my grasp but didn’t. Instead, she stared at my hand on her arm.
She was under my skin, and she knew how to rankle me—she was the only one who could in this way and go this fucking deep. Her indifference ran through my blood like cold spikes.
“I’m tired,” she said.
I studied her face, looking for the lie. Finding none, I nodded. I hadn’t let her arm go. “Get some rest. I’ll take Mia for a swim.”
Mia dropped the lion from my head. “Ia wim?”
“Sì.” I kissed her temple. “Papàis going to take you swimming.”
“Ia wim!” She started moving her upper body back and forth, holding the lion closer, hugging it with her eyes closed.
“Here—” Scarlett reached out for her. “Let me get her dressed.”
I watched Scarlett get Mia ready for the pool, not taking my eyes off of her. She didn’t look at me once, which was becoming a recurring thing. If her indifference sent spikes through my blood, her anger was a dagger twisting in my heart.
She was doing it on purpose, making sure she hurt me more than the needle that inked the skin on my back. That felt like nothing. It actually felt good enough to lull me into sleep.
