Mala blessedly intervenes. “That dark chocolate tart with candied hazelnuts looks delicious. Why don’t you bring one for both of us?”
“I’m just going to visit the ladies’ room,” I casually announce.
Natalia goes first, of course, checking the stalls as an older woman with a massive wedding ring stares at her, bemused. When she leaves, Natalia moves to block the door and I groan.
“Please wait outside.” When she looks stubborn, I pat my abdomen. “I’ve got an upset stomach and it won’t be pretty.”
She rolls her eyes discreetly and leaves me alone.
Following the directions with shaking hands, I open all three tests, pee on them, and set my alarm for five minutes. “This can’t be right…” I whisper.
The little plastic sticks are neatly lined up on the counter and I stare at them. Each one with two bold pink lines.
I’m pregnant.
Mala does her best to keep up appearances and finally, we head back home. I want to curl up in bed and hold a pillow that smells like Cameron’s woodsy, earthy scent and let my mind go blank. There are too many thoughts fighting with each other, each wanting attention and I don’t want any of them.
“I have a wonderful doctor,” Mala says kindly, “I can make you an appointment if you like.”
“This… I…” There’s a baby. I’m pregnant. With Cameron’s child.
“It’s okay, why don’t you take some time and try to relax?” she says. “Are you going to tell Cameron tonight?”
“No!” I try to speak calmly. “Not when he’s in danger. He needs to be able to concentrate. This is the final mission, you know that. Nothing can distract him right now.”
She nods, giving me a gentle hug. “I get it. Do you want me to stay? Or, why don’t you spend the night at my place? Catriona and Michael will give you a very up close and personal view of what’s in your future.”
“Thank you for offering your children up to me as an educational exercise,” I force a laugh. “I just need some time to absorb this. I’ll be okay.”
“Fine, I’ll get out of your way. But let me say one thing.” She puts her hands on my shoulders. “You have a family here, people who care about you. Your child will have cousins and aunts and uncles,sean-phàrantan,grandparents who will dote on them. You’re not alone.”
Mala really is the best person ever.
Hugging her, I whisper, “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”
Sitting in my chair in front of the open French doors in our bedroom, I close my eyes, feeling the light breeze over my face. Bad Cat’s purring on my lap and he slaps a paw against my stomach.
“So, you know, too?” He looks up at me with his golden eyes, one at half-mast like a sneer.
I wish my mother was here. “Mama,” I whisper, “I can make it right, now. I can make it up to you.” There’s a grim certainty that settles in my bones, like it’s carved into my DNA.
It’s time for my karmic payment. I won’t live to see this baby grow up.
“Cameron’s people are a strong family, mama. They’ll take such good care of this child. I know I’m going to follow in your footsteps, I can feel it. But it will be all right. Cameron is going to be a wonderful father. They will all love this baby because he or she is Cameron’s.”
And so will I,I think, the tears finally freeing themselves.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
In which there are so many secrets.
Morana…
Drifting through the next couple of days, I can’t seem to focus on anything. Mala tactfully suggested we hold off on training until after I’ve seen the doctor.
Miss Kevin has taken to serving me ginger tea and crackers in the morning and it makes me feel vaguely paranoid. Have she and Bad Cat been talking?
“Hey, I haven’t been in the pool house in forever.” Mala’s walking in the back garden with me, our security detail trailing behind us. When we get to the steamy, glassed enclosure she pulls me inside and shuts the door, leaving them to hover. “Did you know the roof in this place opens up?”
