Chapter 14
Arianna sat on the stone bench beneath a tree and smiled faintly as she watched the Cameron children playing in the garden. Her pleasure in the sight was mingled with sadness for she desperately missed Michel and Adelar. Although she had enjoyed, and badly needed, the four days of rest she had taken at Dubheidland, she was anxious to resume the journey to Scarglas. It was time to put an end to Amiel’s game.
“Are ye certain ye are healed enough to be out of bed?”
Startled out of her thoughts by Brian’s voice, Arianna turned to look up at him scowling down at her. “Aye, I am verra certain. As Jolene told you when she first viewed my injuries, naught was broken and naught was bleeding inside me. There remain a lot of bruises but they will continue to fade.” She had no intention of telling him that she still ached a little or how tender a few of those bruises still were in certain places.
Brian grunted and sat down beside her. “Ye are nay completely healed, lass, and ye dinnae fool me. That mongrel was intent upon beating ye to death from what little I saw.”
She shivered as the memory of Amiel’s brutality flooded her mind. “I wasnae doing as he wanted me to, wasnae telling him exactly where the lads were, and I refused very crudely to help him use me to get them. His temper rose beyond reasoning, beyond even recalling that the DeVeaux wanted me alive. The fact that I kenned his plans, kenned that he was already certain of where the boys were, only made him angrier. The odd thing is, when the men reminded him of what Lord Ignace wanted, Amiel should have been terrified. Any sane person would be. But he wasnae deterred from beating me at all.” Arianna took a deep breath and let it out slowly, pushing away the fear and the helplessness of that time when it threatened to return. “I was just thinking that ’tis past time we continued our journey to Scarglas.”
“I dinnae think ye are healed enough for that.”
“How long a journey is it?”
“It depends upon how fast a pace we can keep. Three days. Mayhap more. Mayhap less.”
“As long as we are nay taking the whole journey at a full gallop, I will be fine.” When his scowl did not lighten at all at her assurances, she said, “We ken that Lucette and his men are joining the others. We need to be inside Scarglas when they come to its walls.”
“They will have little chance of breeching those walls.”
“And I would prefer to be inside those walls when they try, nay outside trying to find a way in without being killed.”
As would he, Brian decided. The number of men Lucette and the DeVeaux had brought had been reduced but they could hire more. Word was drifting their way that they were doing just that. There was no telling if they would give up and flee back to France when finally faced with the high, impregnable walls of Scarglas, or if, with an army of hirelings at their backs, they would risk attacking. They could easily decide that what they would gain if they won was worth the risk.
“We will leave on the morrow,” he said, and sighed when she hugged him. “I dinnae think ye will be so verra pleased to have resumed the journey after ye have been in the saddle for a wee while.”
“I suspicion ye are right about my nay liking to be back on a horse, but I will be verra pleased to be traveling to where my boys are. I need to see them, Brian. They are all I have and I need to be with them if there is to be a battle for their lives.” She rubbed her cheek against the linen of his shirt, a little surprised at how openly affectionate she had become, and added softly, “They are all I might ever have.”
Brian leaned back and, placing his hands on her cheeks, turned her face up to his. He could tell she was realizing what she had just said and wanting him to ignore it. That was not something he could do.
“What do ye mean?” he asked.
“Naught. ’Twas naught,” she muttered, but knew she was blushing, signaling the lie she had just told him.
“Arianna, what did ye mean? Aside from having a verra large army of kinsmen, ye are still young. Ye can wed again and have a few bairns of your own.”
The mere thought of her with another man made Brian’s insides clench with jealousy and denial. He knew that was unreasonable. He could not have her, was not good enough for her, but he obviously wanted to deny her all chance of making a home and a family with some other man. It was hard to accept that he could be so selfish, but he was.
“Nay, I cannae.” Arianna hated to reveal her fear yet was compelled to let Brian know just how poor a choice of wife she would be for a man, even if he had never once indicated that he wanted her in that way.
“I am certain there are many weel-born lads with fat, full purses who will rush to woo you once ’tis kenned that ye are free.”
She was not sure what a man’s birth or the weight of his purse had to do with it all, but she shrugged aside the urge to question his words. It would be too easy to use such questions to turn him away from the truth she had been hiding. He was owed the truth.
“A mon wants children, Brian. I failed to give Claud one despite five years of marriage. The one time I conceived a child, I lost the bairn verra quickly.”
There was such sorrow weighting her words and darkening her eyes that Brian pulled her back into his arms. He stroked her back, resting his chin upon her head, as he struggled to think of what to say to ease that sorrow. Unfortunately, he knew very little about women’s ills, childbirth, or the how and why of losing a baby before it was even born.
“The trouble could have been with Claud,” he said, and inwardly grimaced at the weakness of that assurance.
It struck Arianna a little odd that that would be the first thought in his mind but she just said, “Claud gave Marie Anne two fine lads, didnae he? He gave me but the one bairn who couldnae cling to life and ne’er another after that. Nay, I fear I am not fated to bear a child.”
“I dinnae believe it but I ken naught about such matters. Dinnae want to.” He smiled when she laughed softly. “Ye need to speak to women who ken about such things. Jolene has been wed seven years with three children and another to come soon. She will ken a few things, aye? Fiona was trained by your clan in the healing arts. She, too, has knowledge both from having her own bairns and all she learned from the healing women in your clan.”
Arianna nodded but knew she would not follow his advice. It had been hard enough to talk to Jolene before and to confess her lack to him now. To face another woman, especially one who had a bairn to love, and try to get even more assurance that she might not be barren could prove an impossible task. She could not bear to see the pity that would surely appear in Fiona’s eyes. Yet there was no denying that it would be wise to continue to talk to someone with knowledge, even if it confirmed what she feared and what Claud had told her the physician had said—that she was probably barren, unable to get with child, and unable to hold a bairn in her belly if she was lucky enough to get with child. Fiona would have had training Jolene had not had.
Brian stood up, took her by the hand, and pulled her to her feet. “Come. Since we have decided to resume our journey, we had best go and prepare for it.”
