9
Ailis cursed viciously as Kate wiped her face with a cool, damp cloth. It had only been ten weeks since she had been back sharing Alexander’s bed. She did not think it fair at all that she should be paying for that weakness so soon or so heavily. Nevertheless, Ailis knew what was wrong with her, and the look on Kate’s face told her that that woman knew, too. Ailis was with child, and, even worse in her mind, she was pretty sure the child had been conceived up against the walls of Rathmor. It was embarrassing.
“Here, m’lady.” Kate sat on the edge of the bed and offered Ailis a chunk of bread spread with only a touch of sweet butter. “Eat this slowly, a wee bit at a time. Some women claim it eases the turmoil in the belly.”
Ailis did as she was told and did feel a little better when she was done. A slow, sip by sip drinking of some cider further cheered her. Then again, she mused with a wry smile, if I remain ill I need not face all the trouble ahead. She sighed and flopped back down on the bed after handing the empty goblet back to Kate. There was no way to avoid the trouble or confrontation, for there was no place for her to run to. Since it was the fifth morning in a row in which she had been ill, she was little surprised that she had eluded it thus far.
“I begin to think I am cursed,” she muttered.
“Nay, m’lady, ye shouldna say such things.” Kate quickly crossed herself.
“Oh? And what do ye call it when I have to live with Colin MacFarlane—aye, and call him kinsman—and am betrothed to Donald MacCordy? ‘Tis certainly a curse to have to call such a man husband. Aye, and then to be snatched away by a man who hates all things named MacFarlane and who isna too fond of females, either. And now this—now another MacFarlane lass carries another MacDubh bastard. It all sounds much akin to a curse to me.”
“ ‘Tis difficult, but ‘tisna quite as bleak as ye believe.”
“Ye havena met my uncle or my betrothed.” She smiled faintly when Kate giggled. “They will kill me for this,” she added in a far more serious tone. “ ‘Tisna an insult they will be able to abide.”
“The laird willna send ye back to them now.”
“Well, we shall soon find out what the great Alexander MacDubh will do. I shall go and tell him of his impending fatherhood.”
With a hint of caution, still uncertain about the steadiness of her stomach, Ailis got out of bed. She felt a little faint, but that began to fade as she dressed. Her courage, however, consistently faltered. She did not want to face Alexander with the news that she carried his child. There was no way for her to know how he would react. He had never even told her of his first child. Would he think she was attempting to cling to him by trying to replace that lost child? She shuddered at the thought. He would hate her, and she would find such a thing nearly impossible to endure. She would also find such a suspicion nearly impossible to disprove.
“Ye look so afeart,” murmured Kate as she finished lacing the back of Ailis’s plain brown overtunic.
“Wouldna ye be?”
“I canna say. I have spent my entire life here. ‘Tis difficult for me to understand why any lass would fear Laird MacDubh.”
“Aye, but a MacFarlane has many a reason to fear a MacDubh.”
Kate grimaced and nodded. “A MacFarlane man—aye. A lass—nay, not much. Ye have been with the laird for months. Ye must ken the man he is.”
“I have spent many a night with him, but he isna easy to learn about. He keeps his distance now, and he is very good at it. However, I gain naught by sitting in these chambers fretting over what he may or may not do. I shall go and find out. Is he still in the great hall?”
“Aye, he will be there for most of the morning as he hears the complaints of people in our clan and makes judgments.”
Ailis paused as she opened the door. “Oh, so he willna be alone. That could greatly complicate matters.”
“Sometimes he isna busy every hour. Mayhaps there arena many complaints. Or ye could just wait and be there the moment he puts an end to the hearings.”
“Or I could forget it until we both seek our bed tonight.”
“Nay.” Kate shook her head. “Everyone is weary at the day’s end. ‘Tisna a good time to deliver such weighty news.”
There was no arguing with that common sense, so Ailis just smiled and headed down to the great hall. She glanced back and saw Kate hurrying off in another direction. Kate was undoubtedly going to find Jaime. That made Ailis feel a little better. Jamie was still bound by his promise not to raise a hand against a MacDubh, but his presence was often protection enough.
She slipped into the great hall just as two squabbling women stood before Alexander. As Alexander tried to quiet them so that he could hear their stories more precisely, Ailis sat in a chair near the wall. She watched Alexander as he listened closely to each woman lay claim to a pig. He seemed honestly concerned for the woman who claimed the pig had been stolen from her and that it had been her only food for the winter. Here was the emotion Ailis hungered for, the softness and concern he so consistently denied her. Even the anger, she mused, as she watched his face while he listened to the other woman speak of her claim to the pig she had so swiftly slaughtered and was already feasting on. It was an anger free of the bitterness and hurt brought on by crimes she had had no part in.
As she listened to Alexander question why the woman had had to kill the pig so quickly, Ailis placed both hands on her stomach. She had thought of trying to keep her condition hidden, but common sense had prevailed. It was not something one could hide for very long. Then she had begun to worry about how Alexander would react—to her and to the child. She hated the uncertainty, the inability to be able to guess his reaction despite weeks of intimacy with the man. Here was the proof that, at least on his part, the intimacy they shared did not go to the heart of him. That hurt, and despite her intention to accept him as he was, it was getting harder to ignore.
Alexander’s judgment on the ownership of the pig drew her attention, and she was pleased that she could agree with it. The woman who had so hurriedly slaughtered the pig was clearly guilty of stealing it. Since the woman who owned the pig had planned on it for her winter’s food supply, Ailis did think the thief’s punishment should have been harsher. After all, the woman had stolen the food from a fatherless family of six. However, Alexander ordered the thief to replace the pig with one of an equal size, give back whatever was left of the slaughtered pig, and contribute one sack of ground oats to the victim’s food supply. By the look upon the thief’s face as the two women left, Ailis suspected there would be many more squabbles between the two. When no one else stepped forward to speak to Alexander for a good ten minutes, Ailis finally met his steady gaze.
“Do ye have a complaint, Mistress Ailis?” Alexander asked with a faint smile curving his lips.
“More than ye could deal with here, m’laird.”
He chuckled and looked at Angus, who stood just to the right of his chair. “I shall pause for a midday meal. If anyone wishes to see me, tell him to return in an hour or wait if he wishes. Have a page bring in some fresh wine, bread, cheese, and a bit of fruit.” He looked at Ailis. “Will that be enough for ye? Ye did miss the morning meal again.”
