“Rhiannon, you’re the only person that I’ve had sex with in months. I told you that. You’re the only person I’ve ever been inside bare. I’ve always worn condoms. You don’t have to worry about getting tested. I got caught up in the moment you were talking about sex and pleasure, I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”
“You asked me questions about what I do, and I was answering them! Don’t put this on me!” I shout back.
“I'm not. I’m sorry. This isn’t as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be. Just calm down and let’s talk for a moment before you rush out of here upset.”
I spin on my heel, my eyes blazing now. The last thing any man should ever do is tell a woman to calm down in a situation that does not require calmness.
He’s brushing this off, making it all seem so simple when it’s not. It’s much worse than he even realizes.
“Don’t tell me to calm down. I’m not on birth control and pregnancy can occur with precum! I have a family that I have to provide for, and an eighteen-year-old sister who’s looking up to me to be a motherly figure for her. I can’t risk an unplanned pregnancy with a random guy!”
He flinches slightly and for a moment I feel badly. Because Cain isn’t some random person, but that doesn’t change the fact that neither of us want to be parents right now, nor do we know what we’re doing here.
I punch the elevator door button angrily, wishing it’d hurry up.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
“Rhiannon… Why aren’t you on birth control? 99% of New York City women are on birth control.”
I turn quickly, glaring. “I’m not on birth control because I’m not sleeping with anyone! I’m not having casual sex. I’m not having any sex. I don’t havetimefor sex. You asked me to give this thing a chance. But what is ‘this thing?’ What are we really doing, Cain, except being reckless?What do you want from me?”
He’s silent, his lips have formed a thin line and I’m embarrassed as hell that it got to this point and that I compromised my licensein order to sleep with a client, even if it’s a made up one that Cain created just to get me to spend some time with him.
I sigh and take a deep breath, realizing I might be overreacting. “Look, I would never do this with an actual client. I’m freaking out because I’m embarrassed.” I shake my head.
“I never filled out the new client paperwork. Nothing about this was unethical if that’s what you’re worried about. It was also after our scheduled hour was up. We didn’t do anything wrong and I’m sorry for forgetting a condom.”
I bite my lip and nod. “Cain, I can’t afford to be reckless. I’m not a lawyer. I don’t have a family of lawyers backing me if I screw up unless you count Leo. And my family needs me to be focused.”
He stays quiet, watching me.
“But beyond that, I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. Eden. My brother. The thrift store…”My dead parents. “Everyone’s counting on me to keep things going, to make them laugh, to do the right thing at all times.”
He steps closer and reaches for my hand. His fingers slide around my wrist, warm and steady.
“Let me take some of that burden from your shoulders. I like you, Rhiannon. A lot. I’m not sure how else to show you that.”
I shake my head. This isn’t his to carry. It’s mine. These are the choices I made. The consequences I earned. My penance that I must pay. It’s why I can’t ask for help and why I work so hard. I don’t deserve help after what I did.
“I like you too,” I admit quietly. “And that’s what terrifies me.”
His fingers tighten around my wrist, a wordless encouragement to keep going.
“I…” I drag a shaky hand through my hair. “I’m sorry. I should go.”
“Stay.” His voice softens, and those green eyes plead with me. “We don’t have to do anything more. We can just talk. I just want to hold you. Be with you. I’m only happy when I’m around you.”
That causes my heart to stumble because I understand. God, I understand what he means. The idea of staying with him tonight, of not disappearing in the morning, wraps around me like a warm blanket that I don’t think I deserve. One night where I could just exist. Breathe. Be seen. But before I can say fuck it to my rules and self-punishment, his phone rings from somewhere behind him.
Cain curses under his breath and waits for it to go to voicemail but it doesn’t. It immediately starts ringing again.
“Fuck me,” he mutters, dropping my wrist and grabbing it off the counter. “Hey, Dad.”
He listens quietly, eyes locked on mine the entire time, nodding and sighing. “Fine. I’ll be there.”
When he hangs up, he crosses the room and pulls me into his chest, his arms firm and solid around me.
“I’m sorry. For everything tonight. For wasting your time. For pushing. For being reckless with your body and your mind. I know you’ve got a lot on your shoulders. I should’ve been more careful. I wish you’d let me help you out, but I understand.”
