Like a dream upon waking, he’d already disappeared.
Chapter Fifteen
Kate smiled at the woman auditioning her for the chorus girl job, hoping it looked sincere. She handed her a copy of her headshot and resume, taking a moment to smooth out a wrinkled corner first.
“Do you dance?”
“I’m afraid not.”
She raised an eyebrow and then eyeballed her chest. “Comfortable with nudity?”
“Oh. Um, I was told this job involved no nudity, just singing.”
“Yeah, they told you wrong. All our girls are topless, but no hoo-hah. It’s expected.” The woman shrugged, no doubt used to seeing this reaction. “So, you willing to unleash the hounds?”
Shit. This was the fifth audition in the three days since she’d left Liam. And in all of them, the requirements had been the same: show us your tits. Sometimes she thought she lived in bloody Sodom and Gomorrah.
She remembered what Liam said about showgirl acts being demeaning to women. She certainly felt demeaned. One audition after another, and no producer was interested in her voice, just her cup size. They didn’t even care that she couldn’t dance, as long as her hooters were hanging out. Any talent beyond that was considered a bonus.
It was enough to make her seek out a nice, boring call center job somewhere, selling aluminum siding or steak knives.
Rock bottom. Rock bottom. This was just one small part of her journey. She would rise from the ashes like a phoenix.
If she could leave Liam standing there alone, ripping out her own heart in the process, she could get through a few embarrassing auditions.
“Look,” Kate said, eyeing the faded upholstery and trying to ignore the foul smell emanating from the kitchen. “You have a supper club in the middle of a vibrant city. Not every joint in Vegas needs to provide a strip tease. I have talent and drive. Maybe we could talk about trying a new act.” She smiled, willing her positive vibes all over the producer.
The older woman just shook her head and tossed the headshot back across the desk. “Sorry, sweetie. No tits, no dice. In case you hadn’t heard, sex sells.” She stood up and walked toward the audition room door. “There are plenty of girls in Vegas who are willing to take their clothes off. Some of them can even sing.”
As Kate left, she tried hard not to think of Liam’s offer to sing at Decadence. It seemed every thought led back to him. Everything she ate reminded her of the sexy breakfasts they’d shared in bed. Every breath she took recalled feeling his in her ear when they made love. Each look of indifference on another person’s face forced her to remember his, so full of passion and yearning.
She was beginning to think she hadn’t even glimpsed true rock bottom yet. Perhaps it was the difference between the ocean floor and the Marianas Trench.
What about Liam? Was he suffering without her? He’d said he loved her. As much as she wanted to believe it, did believe it, she couldn’t shake the feeling they were better off without each other.
Hadn’t she always been a loner? Her father’s addiction had lost her friends through the years, usually when he’d asked them for handouts. When her mom had taken her own life, Kate had been virtually alone in the world. As sad as her upbringing had been, she’d tried to rise above it, to be an independent woman.
Hiding away with Liam, she’d been on the verge of losing that independence. It had been so nice—no, so wonderful—having him cater to her. But under his roof, she’d become something less than herself. She couldn’t lose sight of that.
It was the only thing stopping her from racing back to Vice and burrowing herself into his embrace.
As soon as she walked out of the dingy club, the sun hit her square in the eye, making her squint. She put on a pair of shades and walked to the nearest bus stop.
And still she thought of him.
The hardest part of walking away had been realizing she never told him she loved him, too. And she did.
She knew it in the quiet moments, when the loneliness hung so heavily on her soul it felt like a tumor. She knew it at daybreak when his arms no longer wrapped around her, making her a willing prisoner to his voice, his touch, his very breath.
Unable to tolerate the lights of the Strip, she’d stayed away from it as much as possible. Luckily her auditions had been in out-of-the-way locations. Not that it mattered. Wherever she went, his image still haunted her. Every suit, every flash of navy blue silk, every man who bore the slightest resemblance gave her a lump in her throat. And every second bus stop she passed carried a poster advertising Vice. She couldn’t escape him. She didn’t want to.
She missed him. It was that simple. But for her sake, as well as his, she had to stay away. The need to stand on her own two feet kept her strong. The desire to see him vanquish his demons kept her on the straight and narrow.
He hadn’t called. As much as that hurt, it also gave her a measure of relief. A few syllables from his sensuous mouth and she’d weaken. Cold turkey was always best.
No one needed to know she went home each night and touched herself, trying to recapture some small wisp of their time together. Only then did she permit herself to remember how his stubble teased her inner thigh, and how hot and sweet his mouth tasted.
She stood at the bus stop and remembered how right it felt to love Liam’s fingers tangled in her hair. Lost in thought, she almost missed the man pacing a few meters away. Accustomed to making room for homeless people on the sidewalk, she automatically stepped back as he approached.
