Only they wouldn’t now.
At college, Dana had had a friend named Melanie who wanted to be a novelist. Any time life threw Melanie a curveball, she merely threw her hands up and shouted, “Plot twist!”
That’s all this was. A plot twist. It didn’t mean Dana’s story was over. She just had to write a new ending.
So she’d never conceive. It wasn’t the end of the world. She could adopt one day. She didn’t share Tommy’s aversion to it.
Or maybe she wouldn’t adopt at all. Lots of people chose to remain childless. She had no doubt they were perfectly happy.
Only she would have preferred to make the choice for herself. Her choice had been taken from her and now Tommy wouldn’t be there to help her adjust.
She was on her own. This was her new reality.
“I get being scared,” she said, “but this isn’t like you. The Tommy I fell in love with wouldn’t end it like this. The Tommy I fell in love with would have shown some consideration. When did you stop being that man?”
He looked away. “Maybe this is who I’ve always been.”
“Well, then shame on me.” Rage kicked in. Sneaky and sour, it insinuated itself into her core, making her taste bile. “What if I’d gotten this diagnosis two years into our marriage? What would you have done then? Divorced me?”
When he didn’t respond, she knew.
“You’re a selfish pig.”
“Dana, I’m just trying to be honest without wasting your time. Please don’t hate me.”
“Hate you? This isn’taboutyou.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Not nearly as much as it is about me. Tell me something. At what point during the doctor’s appointment did you start planning your escape?”
“That’s not fair.”
“Life’s not fair, clearly. You didn’t even have the decency to sleep on it. You’ve given me no time to process what’s happening. You’re just taking care of your own agenda. Here I am, in a goddamned cafeteria of all places, still reeling from the news, and you hit me with this now.”
“I know you have the strength to get past this. It’s one of the things I’ve always loved about you. Besides, it could be worse. You could be sick. You could be dying.”
“I can’t bear children, Tommy! What part of that don’t you understand?”
He sat still. The harsh cafeteria lighting accentuated every hollow in his face, creating new ones as well. “I’m so sorry. I don’t want to break your heart, baby.”
“I amnotyour baby, and you don’t get to comment on the state of my heart. My heart will be fine without you.”
It had to be.
She held her breath, waiting for the firstchip chip chipof the invisible chisel, the one that would cause her heart to shatter. But that wasn’t what she felt. Instead, the beating organ inside her began to expand and harden, sitting like a weight in her chest. It was as if someone had just started pouring cement inside her chest cavity. Little by little, it took hold. It set like a newly-poured sidewalk in the sun. The heaviness pressed against her ribs, threatening to crack them.
Tommy couldn’t break her heart with his flimsy apologies.
It was unbreakable.
He reached for her hand and fingered her engagement ring. Tears filled his eyes. His lip wobbled.
The asshole had the nerve to cry?
“I remember picking this ring out for you. It took me two hours. When you said yes, it was the happiest moment of my life.”
Memories of his proposal flashed through her brain. Him, kneeling in the restaurant. All the other patrons clapping when she accepted him. The wonderfully snug bubble of warmth and security that surrounded her.
