He’d never know now.
The Dean family had seen to that. They’d swooped in, claimed their blood relative and excluded Alex from any of the funeral arrangements.
Leaving him with nothing but memories that ate into him. Memories that cut so deep, he’d been forced to up sticks and leave his home.
Leaving him alone, aching for the family he would never have.
In his darkest moments, he’d realized how much he wanted it.
Now he knew the truth about Dana. Did it change things?
He couldn’t lie to himself. Despite his unorthodox work life, he’d always planned on having a family. He and Shannon had discussed it in their happier days. He’d even envisioned it. One of his favorite fantasies used to be holding his little girl’s hand, a daughter who looked just like her mother.
When Shannon began to doubt his fidelity, those fantasies stopped.
He’d forgotten how badly he wanted to make them a reality.
And now, here he lay, sharing in the aching vulnerability of a woman who would never give birth. His heart broke for Dana and he hated the fact Tommy had given her no time before dropping his bombshell. The man just panicked. Nothing else made sense, unless Tommy was just a mean bastard. If that was the case, he doubted Dana would ever have fallen in love with him. A part of him understood Tommy’s misgivings, but if Alex had been in his place, he liked to think he wouldn’t have reacted the same way.
He wanted to believe he was stronger than that.
If you loved someone and she loved you back, shouldn’t that be enough?
She felt inferior to other women. Few things had saddened him more.
She believed there was a hole inside her. He didn’t think for one moment that he was capable of patching it, but she’d said herself he helped her feel better. He helped her feel desired.
He could do it again.
Maybe this wasn’t about planning futures. They should be taking things one step at a time. Right now, all he knew was he wanted Dana. He knew it as well as he knew his own reflection. But she obviously had lots to consider and he probably did too.
“Dana?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you even want children?”
“Truthfully? I don’t know, but I never wanted to rule out the possibility. I never wanted to have it taken from me.”
“I realize this is just my opinion, but I think you might need to decide what it is you want. If you can sort that out in your head, maybe this diagnosis won’t be so painful.”
“You’re probably right. I need to figure out what I want.” She snuggled in deeper. “Do you mind turning out the light?”
He reached over and turned it out. He lay awake, eyes wide open.
She’d trusted him with the knowledge and he owed it to her to respect it. Was she just using him for sex? Frankly, he didn’t care. He just wanted her in his bed and he’d wanted it from day one.
The future would resolve itself.
Right now, he just had to tread carefully, for her heart and for his. She didn’t need any extra complications and neither did he. This thing with Dana was powerful but he had no idea how it would end, and he didn’t want to hurt her in the process. She’d suffered enough.
As for him? Maybe he needed to give her some space to come to terms with her new reality. It might also give him a chance to figure out what he wanted.
If he was smart, he’d insist they maintain a friendly relationship. No touching. No longing. And no more nights at Covet.
It was probably for the best.
Friends.
