“You talked in your sleep, but you’ve said it before. I’ve been paying close attention. It’s time to come clean.”
“It’ll change things, Alex. Between you and me. It’ll change everything.”
“Dana, if you can’t be honest with me,” he replied, keeping his voice gentle, “then things have already changed.”
“No one knows. Only Tommy.”
“You can trust me.”
She sucked on her bottom lip and then released it. “I received a diagnosis a little while ago.”
Diagnosis. It was the last word he wanted to hear coming out of her mouth. The word itself was vile, but it caused a whole other bunch of horrible words to shoot in front of his eyes. They blared in red, as if from a neon sign.
Cancer.
Multiple Sclerosis.
AIDS.
Measles. Mumps, Rubella. Even fucking leprosy.
His insides untethered. Cords of sinew and nerve unraveled, loosening every organ, every bone. Everything in him seemed to plummet as he considered the implications. When his voice did emerge, it sounded muffled, unsure. “What is it?”
“They call it premature ovarian failure.”
“What does that mean?”
“Basically, it means I can’t have children.”
When the sigh of relief escaped him, he hated himself for it. The diagnosis was obviously hurting her and yet he couldn’t help automatically comparing it to other conditions, never mind diseases. He just wanted to know one thing. Was it dangerous?
Did it hurt her?
Would it go away?
Okay, he had a lot of questions. At the same time, Alex was so grateful she wasn’t sick. Or was she? He had no idea what this meant for her health. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
“Does it mean you’re sick?”
“No. Just barren.”
Barren. Another terrible word. When he looked at Dana, the last thing he saw was something cold and devoid of life. What he saw was a vibrant, intelligent woman, one who was so lovely she made his head spin. He didn’t ever want to hear her call herself barren again. “I take it you and Tommy had planned for a family?”
“Yeah. Him, especially. He loves children and wants to have a big family.”
“Is that why he ended things between you?”
She nodded. “He called off the engagement a full thirty minutes after the doctor gave me the diagnosis.”
“The little fucker.”
“I wasn’t enough for him. Full stop. He wants a wife who will give him babies, theirownbabies. In his view, he’d almost bought a lemon so it was time to return it to the shop.”
“You’re not a lemon.”
“See, there’s the thing, Alex. I’ve been trying really hard to tell myself that but it’s hard to stay positive when the man who was supposed to love you forever tells you you’re not quite right. In Tommy’s eyes, I can’t be fixed. No one can tinker with me and pimp this ride. This won’t go away.” She sat up, holding the sheets over her breasts. “I don’t have all the same bells and whistles as other women. According to him, I’m the car with the wonky horn and a muffler that’s dragging on the ground.”
