She supposed it would be easy to fall into an abyss of blame and fury. God only knew she’d been searching for a scapegoat. Connor was offering himself as one. Hating him would be so convenient. It might even make her feel better in the short term.
She had the power to make him suffer. It would take only one word and he’d go to his grave weighed down with shame.
But she didn’t want that.
Connor had been through hell, a darkness she’d never even glimpsed. He must have tortured himself for months. It was amazing he was still functioning. If she’d been in his place, she would have withered and died.
Yes, she could tear a strip off him right now and send him over the edge.
She also had the power to take away his guilt. He needed absolution for a crime he didn’t even commit. She could give him that much, even more.
Elaine opened her arms to him. “Come here.”
He swiped at his tears. “Elaine, I’m so sorry.”
She grabbed him by his biceps and shook him. “Listen to me. You did nothing wrong. You wanted to help. You fought those bastards, and I give thanks every day for every evil Brethren life you took. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. You’re my best friend, my savior. You pulled me out of my hole and turned my face to the sun. You’ve been my rock, Connor. Let me be yours.”
He fell into her arms and wept. They tumbled together to the bed, and she cried too, for him and for Lloyd and for the children they all loved. When she finally stopped crying, her chest rose and fell with dry sobs. He held her tight, cocooning her with his strength, and their sighs began to mingle until she wasn’t sure whose breath was whose. The tremors dissipated, and they lay still, warm against each other’s bodies, their hearts beating in sync.
Later, as Connor fell asleep with his arms wrapped around her, Elaine couldn’t help noticing how much lighter she felt.
In offering him her forgiveness and acceptance, she’d turned a corner.
They would get past this.
Although he slept, the purr of his mountain lion rumbled in her ear, as it sought to comfort her lonely bear.
She reached around him and turned out the light, cloaking the room in shadow, and then settled back into this embrace.
As darkness claimed their sanctuary, it snuffed out the remainder of her own guilt, blanketing her in hope.
* * * *
A faint headache woke Connor some time before sunrise. He opened his eyes, and the bedroom was still dark. Licking his dry lips, he checked the clock. Three in the morning. Great. Now he wouldn’t get back to sleep.
A feminine murmur claimed his attention. He looked at the woman sleeping next to him.
Elaine. For a moment, he thought he’d been dreaming.
He was naked in Elaine’s bed. She was naked too. His foggy mind battled with hazy memories.
Elaine, I’m so sorry.
All at once, the previous night’s events flooded back into his memory. He’d admitted his guilt about Lloyd’s death. He’d broken down into the ugly mess he’d always hidden from her. He’d sobbed in her arms.
His headache got worse. It sprang to life, a red, throbbing, flaring embarrassment.
He sat up and tried to recall her exact words. She’d said she didn’t hate him. Her nude presence seemed to corroborate it.
She didn’t hate him. Would she change her mind after sleeping on it?
Connor’s mountain lion senses enhanced his human body. Although it was still dark out, he could see Elaine perfectly, even down to the swirling pattern her fair hair made on the pillow. He lay down and faced her, tucking a few of the long strands behind her ears.
There was such delicacy in her face at times. The dark circles under her eyes and the hollows in her cheeks reminded him of her fragility, and yet there was fire behind those eyes. That strength had seen her through the past year, even though he didn’t agree with some of her decisions. When she had grabbed him by the arms last night, letting him know she could never hate him, he’d felt her fire again. It had warmed him to his core.
This woman had taken on the worst that life could throw at her, and she’d somehow persevered against all odds.
Elaine is alive.
