The couples closest to them stopped dancing.
“Wait.” The lump at the back of her throat enlarged. Its burlap texture grated against her soft flesh. “What was that about Lloyd?”
He exhaled and rolled his eyes. “Jesus Christ, I can’t believe I said that out loud. Look, don’t overreact, but I’ve been having these dreams. Lloyd’s always there, and he tells me he wants us to be together. You and me. And I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t considered it. A lot.”
“Lloyd came to you in a dream?”
“I guess so. I don’t know. It was just a dream.”
“Let’s not be too hasty here. I’ve heard of people dreaming of loved ones after they die. And everyone who does feels like they were visited, that they got a message from beyond the grave.”
“It was just a stress dream.”
“No. It’s clear. He came to you. To you.” She blinked over angry tears. “Notto me.”
“Elaine, I—”
“No, let me explain, Connor. You see, since Lloyd was killed, I have gone to bed every single night hoping I’d see him. Hoping for one more moment so I could tell him how sorry I am that I wasn’t there when he died. That the thought of him dying without me burns me up inside with a fever that just won’t break.”
People were looking at them. The band had stopped playing. She was crying. She didn’t care.
“I’ve prayed for a chance to hear his voice again, to see his smile. When baby Lloyd was born, I thought he might be a sign, some sort of reassurance Lloyd’s gone on to a better place. But then nothing. When I was in Alaska, I was desperate to make contact. One night, I was so broken, and I couldn’t sleep. I went out into the woods by myself late at night. I walked for hours, straining my eyes for some clue that this all makes sense.”
“Elaine.”
“Let me finish. Do you know what I saw that night?”
“What?”
“A brown bear. He looked just like Lloyd, big and proud. Anyone else would have been scared, but I wasn’t. I thought maybe this was my sign. I walked up to that bear, even though it was three times my size. I didn’t even shift. I stared it in the eye, knowing it would either kill me or it would be my Lloyd.” She choked down a gulp of saliva. “But it was just a bear. Just a dumb bear. It sniffed me, and it walked away. Some sign, huh?”
Connor’s fists clenched at his sides. “What were you thinking, woman? You could have been mauled.”
“I didn’t care. That night, I stopped believing in signals and signs. I’ve tried so hard to see him again. I’ve looked for him everywhere. And you know what? He hasn’t appeared to me, his goddamn mate! He comes to you, offering me up on a fucking platter by the sounds of it, but never bothered to check with me first. It’s heartwarming to know the two of you feel you can trade me back and forth, like some old hockey jersey.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“Oh no? Whatwasit like, Connor?”
“He…he said he wants me to take care of you.”
“Take care of me? Guess what, buddy? I can take care of myself!”
“Really? Your little bear hunt tells me another story.”
“Don’t you dare criticize me. You have no idea what I’ve been going through! No one here does.” She turned to the assembled guests, holding out her arms. “Do you? None of you know anyone in my position. And if you’ve ever known a widowed shifter, that person is probably dead now. I should be dead by now. I’m a ghost!”
Andy and Layla crept up to her, but she was too far-gone. All her rage and shame poured out of her, and it was too late to bottle it up.
Andy hugged her thigh. “Mommy, don’t cry.”
Their eyes were filled with tears, too. Their beautiful brown eyes, just like Lloyd’s.
Her body shaking, Elaine surrendered to her fury and screamed. “Lloyd, why did you leave me? I hate you!”
No one moved. The only sounds in the room were her sobs and those of her children.
Immediately, remorse deadened every other pain. Their faces were so white. She’d hurt them by spouting her garbage.
