“It’s too late for you to be out here by yaself, boo. Where your man at?” A guy around my age threw his hat in the ring. Still, that didn’t stop me from curving him, as I pushed forward.
The crowd parted, and I was face to face with Koric, standing amongst the young boys like he was that nigga – to them at least. He was easy to spot, brown skin with locs braided in his signature four plaits. He shared the same Smith jawline as his brother.
The last time I’d seen Koric in person was a little over a year ago, outside on the courthouse steps the day of Kaleb’s sentencing. It was the day everything changed in my marriage.Up until sentencing day, I’d been by Kaleb’s side. With my head held high and chest out, I was ready to take on whatever time came our way. It was easy to say “our” because it was the way we operated – as a unit. Partners… or so I thought.
I sat poised in the first row behind Kaleb in a cream-colored Gucci pantsuit, listening intently, as the state and our lawyer both gave their closing arguments. On the phone this morning, he had forewarned that the odds didn’t seem to be in his favor. And although the lawyers on our end had done their jobs, the DA and his team of lawyers and snitches had done theirs better. He was ready to take whatever punishment that was handed down as the face of his operation. “It’s what comes wit’ this shit,” he said.
I thought back to his promise of ensuring that KJ and I didn’t want for anything in his absence and how I’d told him to save his promise because he was coming home. I believed that wholeheartedly. And even if I hadn’t, I’d already promised myself that I wouldn’t speak defeat into the atmosphere or to my husband.
Then, the judge cleared his throat and spoke. “Kaleb Smith, I hereby sentence you to fifteen years...”
Every other word he said sounded muffled after that, like someone had pushed my head underwater. Then there was a wail that echoed from behind me, making everything clear again. The cry had come from a woman, broken and desperate. Turning just enough to see the face behind the theatrics, I noticed a woman of some Hispanic descent dressed in all black with a little girl in her lap. Her hair was in a high ponytail, and each time she rocked, it swung from side to side.
The child didn’t seem to be affected at all by her outburst, as she lay on the woman’s chest. I slowly turned forward and watched as Kaleb’s eyes shifted in her direction. His look was stern, a ‘cut that shit out’ stare that made her go silent, as hewas cuffed. Then, his eyes found mine and softened. I stared back, not blinking, appearing completely unmoved, although I was heated.
I knew exactly what that outburst signified. It wasn’t the cry of a mother who’d just lost her son to the system. It wasn’t the cry of a sister who’d just lost her only brother. In fact, the only family ties Kaleb had in the courtroom was me per his instruction.
Women didn’t cry like that for men they weren’t tied to. My chest tightened, the realization hitting me fast. I nodded once, slow and steady, to show him that I understood everything clearly.
“I love you, Butterfly,” he proclaimed, as he was escorted off to the back to start his new life.
I stood, smooth as ever, brushed my hand down my pants, and grabbed my purse. I started up the aisle to the exit and caught a glimpse of the little girl’s face. The curve of her cheeks, her sleepy pout, and bushy brows resembled KJ’s at that age. Shaking my head, I kept it pushing. My eyes saw what they saw, and I knew what I knew.
Leaving the courthouse, I spotted Koric hopping out of a black Acura TL as if he’d been waiting on a cue for my exit. I stepped onto the curb, and he made his way toward me with a Chanel shopping bag in his hand.
His expression was unreadable, as he held it out to me. “I’m heading back up top. Bro told me to give you this before I left. Make sure you check the inside. If you or KJ need anything, I’m one call away.”
I didn’t take the bag at first, just cocked my head to the side and stared him down. I never involved Koric in my marriage, but I couldn’t help but to ask the question burning in my head. “How old is the little girl?” My voice was clear and unwavering.
He didn’t flinch or blink, just pushed the bag into my hand and repeated himself. “If you or KJ need anything, hit me.”
I watched him get back in his car and pull off. Koric didn’t know his silence said everything. It was bad enough that my life had been flipped upside down over the last few months from our accounts being frozen to being temporarily barred from my home due to the investigation. It was a lot, but still, I stayed solid, never folding. And not just for Kaleb but for my son, who’d always known his mother to be strong.
For the last fourteen years, I’d rode with Kaleb, even in times when I questioned his decision making. Later that night, I opened the bag to find a new Chanel purse. Under normal circumstances, I would’ve been in awe of the canvas and gold-tone metal shopping bag but not today. Remembering what Koric said about checking the inside, I did and found stacks of wrapped money. Even more significant was the letter, what I considered a rushed apology from Kaleb confessing everything – his two-year affair, the baby that came from it, and a bunch of other bullshit along the lines of ‘you don’t deserve this’ and ‘I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.’
Nigga, what heart? I thought, as I ripped the letter into pieces and threw it in the trash. The judge sealed the fate on Kaleb’s future that day, and his lies sealed the fate on our marriage where I left him and his side bitch back in Atlanta.
I blinked twice, placing myself back in the Bronx, standing in front of Koric surrounded by his minions.
“Where’s my son?” I questioned, too irritated to fake a greeting.
“Well, damn, sis. Hey to you too,” he replied, smirking. “He’s upstairs. Fell asleep in aunty crib. I think his phone dead.”
“Your phone dead too?”
“Nah.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out an iPhone with a cracked screen.“I’m charged up,” he said, like he was reporting good news.
“You think that’s funny, Koric? You think I came out in the dead of winter to joke witchu?”
“Damn, K,” a young boy snickered from the crowd, “she on yo’ ass.”
Koric looked past me, and his eyes turned to slits. “Aye, Rome, you minding family business?”
I’d known him to be a lunatic, and by the bewildered look on the boy’s face, he knew it too. I wanted to save him the embarrassment and Koric’s wrath.
“Nah. Nah, I ain’t,” the kid let out in a nervous tone.
“Can we talk without the crowd?” I suggested.